I have c&p this from another thread. Unfortunately this is happening to me right now; however I have excellent support and would like to share what you can do to take control back.
For anyone else suffering with Domestic Violence here is a list of things you can do to protect yourself.
Tell someone. Tell as many people as you can. It isn't shameful and it isn't your fault. By telling as many people as you can and getting it recorded you are taking out an insurance policy should you need it re custody battles and who gets occupation of house etc
Contact your local council. Many councils have Independant Domestic Violence Advocates (IDVA's) who will go through things with you and record exactly in your words what is going on. They will give you a risk assessment and act as advocates to give you all the moral and legal support you need. I was given a handy lip salve which is just an ordinary lip salve but underneath the bar code is the telephone number of a 24 hr refuge.
Contact Womens Aid. If your area do not have IDVA's or if the IDVA's are only able to provide high risk support they will act as advocates for your and help support you.
If you live in a council house report it to your housing office. Domestic violence is usually a breach of the licence conditions which means your partner may be evicted.
Residency Order If you own a house, are on the mortgage or just share with your partner; you may be able to get a Residency Order which will give you sole occupation for 12 months after which it will be reviewed by a judge. They are expensive but Women's Aid or your IDVA should be able to show you templates so you can do one yourself. All you need to do is pay for a solicitor to check it.
You can apply for a Non Molestation Order. Again this is expensive but you should be given templates so you can DIY. I believe this is Civil but if it is breached it becomes a criminal, arrestable offence (but don't quote me on this as I haven't gone through all the paperwork yet).
If you have a child, contact your health visitor. They will record it confidentially on you and your child's health records. Every time you go and see a health professional on your own they will ask you and make sure things are ok at home. It does NOT mean that Social Services will take your child away.
Tell your GP Again this will mean that you are flagged on the system to make sure you are ok. It is also another offical way of making sure that the DV is recorded should you need it.
Ask your IDVA / advocate if they can contact the police and red flag your address. If you or a neighbour calls the police they will treat it as a priority call. They will also arrest and prosecute etc and do not need your consent to do this.
Have a word with your neighbours (if they are trustworthy). Tell them what is going on and ask if they will let you in, during the middle of the night if need be without notice. If your walls are thin, agree on a code word you can use or phrase that you can yell loudly out which will mean that they call the police immediately without alerting your partner.
Make as many boltholes as you can. Friends, distant family etc. You don't want somewhere obvious or restrict yourself to one. make as many plans as you need.
Start saving any money. If you have your own savings discreetly transfer money to someone else that you would trust implicitly. Always ensure that you have enough money for a taxi on you.
Tell your manager if you are employed. They should be sympathetic and it means that they know if you should unexpectedly need to take time off.
Take your passport and any other important documents and leave at a trusted friend or family's address
Don't put yourself at risk. If there is another episode of DV and you feel at risk; try to de-escalate things. Say anything that disarms your partner - agree with what they say etc; pretend to make up if you have to. Then, as soon as you are able, take your children and go to a safe house. Don't stop for personal belongings; you can always get a police escort to accompany you for anything else you need like clothes etc or toys. Everything can be replaced. You can't.
Finally, if you want or are able, report to the police.
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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
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Domestic Violence: A quick self help guide
3 replies
itsnotjustaslap · 31/01/2011 23:39
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