I honestly can't believe I'm posting on christmas eve night but I just feel very alone and unhappy right now.
I have 3 kids under the age of 5 and am due to go back to work in 2 weeks after maternity leave. Things have been tough between DH and I for the last 6 months ( since I had dd3) but I thought we were turning a corner in the last 2 months.
In fact, I just had my head in the sand and was too busy looking after my DCs. The fact of the matter is - I am deeply unhappy in the relationship. He is not abusive, he is a good person but we are just so different in personality. I'm sorry to say the reason we got together and had kids so quickly is my fertility clock chiming ( not just ticking) and I feel terribly guilty for my desire to have kids to come before my desire for a healthy, stable relationship.
I would have left him a couple of years ago if there were no kids ( last pregnancy was accident - very traumatic) but what is keeping me here is the fact that he is a good dad and the kids adore him. And my kids are my world at the moment and I couldn't do anything to hurt them.
So - I'm sat here posting on mumsnet the night before christmas when DH and I should be having a cosy meal or sex or something like that instead of having yet another arguement because we have had a meal together after the kids are in bed. Seems to be a pattern here - every time we sit and have a meal together - we end up in conflict rather than more intimate.
Since the birth of my dd3 6 months ago, we have only had sex 3 times. Neither of us has any energy or inclination. I used to be such a party animal before I had kids and had lots of boyfriends before I met him, so I feel about 20 years older in the space of 5 years.
I don't really know why I am writing all this - except I know that other people may be in similar situations.
I know I am putting my kids happiness before my own...but who wouldn't when you have such precious little babies who want both their parents to be around?
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Relationships
Do I have a lifetime of unhappiness in store for the sake of the kids happiness???
7 replies
amijee · 24/12/2010 21:51
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