New relationship, busted by teen daughter!

[scaredoflove]

I am in the very early days of a new relationship. He came over today (neither can do evenings easily due to work) All kids at school/college/work bar one.

She was supposed to be out for the day but came home early and we were asleep in bed

Now, how do I handle this? I have only had one relationship since my divorce 12 years ago and that was 6 years ago. My DD is 20. In the old relationship, he never stayed over when they were at home, so they have never had to deal with a man around the house or the realisation that I am a woman

So, I said we were snogging and cold so went for a cuddle upstairs but she isn't stupid. Do I mention it if she does? Do I continue with the lie of innocence or be honest and say I'm in a sexual relationship??

I am very close to children and have discussed their sexlife (the ones that have had them) with ease. They know I am now seeing this man but it feels weird to let them know or confirm I'm now shagging. I had already carefully bought up how she would feel if he stayed here sat night as she is the only one home this weekend. She was ok with it ... as long as we are quiet -

Feel like a naughty teenager

[redhappy]

She is 20, that's old enough to accept that her mother has a right to a life of her own. Sounds like she was fine with it anyway.

I don't think you really need to discuss the intimate details of your sex life with her. I think what you've said already is enough, if she asks outright if you've had sex then it's up to you whether or not you tell her, but I really don't think it's something there is a genuine need to know.

Just enjoy yourself and stop worrying! You say you're close, your dcs will want you to be happy. If they struggle with the idea of sharing you, then it's your job to reassure them it wont take away from your relationship wit them, but that you are entitled to find happiness.

[emmyloulou]

I don't see any need to tell them you are shagging and at 20 I am sure she has guessed herself.

At 20 she is not a teen, but a woman so I don't think she needs the child like explanation either. It is what it is, if they want to ask you further so be it.

Just let it be what it is!

[LadyLapsang]

"I said we were snogging and cold so went for a cuddle upstairs but she isn't stupid."

She isn't a teen, she's a young woman and of course she'll know you haven't told her the truth but you don't have to explain / justify your relationship to her. Just bear in mind she may not always tell you the truth either.

[perfumeditsawonderfullife]

Did she come into your bedroom without your permission op? Maybe it's enough to just say, next time please knock. She will know exactly what went on but won't want the details.

Hope the new man is a good'un.

[partytime]

When I first met my new dp (guess I can call him that, it's been 6 months), a few weeks later we had a night away. My DC aged 20 and 18 were fully informed, so they knew obviously that we would sleep together. Once I knew dp was going to be a bit more permanent, I asked DC if they were happy if he stayed over. If they had any objections at all I wouldn't have allowed it.

They were ok with the idea and he now stays a few nights a week and they are perfectly happy. That said they are away at Uni. but he has stayed when they have been at home.

I think that your Dc is old enough to understand in a mature enough way that you have a sex life and are not just 'Mum', but I would run it by all the Dc as they are important in your life and live with you.

It shows that you respect their feelings and will make them happy that you have considered them.

p.s. I agree with LL, she won't tell you everything, my dc don't.

[BertieBotts]

She's 20 trust me, she knows you're shagging, and it sounds like she's mature enough for it not to be an issue at all. I don't see a need to specially announce the fact you're sleeping together (unless she asks - although not sure why she would!) and although it must have been awkward/embarrassing for her to walk in and find you asleep you didn't really need to make anything up about being cold - you're entitled to have sex, in your own bed, especially when everyone's out!

[Darnthetum]

She's 20, she will be fine with it. I had a 2 year old by her age! . As long as you make sure that you don't hang from the chandeliers when they are having dinner, and let it be known that this isn't a carte blanche for them to have guys over without asking then all should be fine.

[scaredoflove]

She didn't walk in the room, her slamming front door woke us up, he had to leave in the hour, so had to brave coming downstairs and face her, his car was in the drive too, so she knew he was here somewhere

It all feels very strange, especially knowing that they are all more aware of relationships and what they entail

I have run by them all how they feel about me dating and they have all said it's good

Suprisingly, both my elder daughters do seem to tell me everything, sometimes with way to much info. I wasn't expecting them too tbh, which is one of the reasons I'm struggling with how much to share, when they share with me. I'm not as brave as them though

[ItalianLady]

It is different when your daughter talks to you, doesn't mean you have to tell her as much as she tells you.

[perfumeditsawonderfullife]

I think it's great they share with you, and it's a compliment to you that they feel able to. I used to love telling my mum half of what we got up to, just to see her puzzled expression.

Relax, they are not making a fuss, it is a non issue. Enjoy the relationship.

[CrawlingInMySkin]

Be thankful she is not me I am 23 I have a 4Yo and a 1Yo, if I caught my mum upstairs and she then told me she was snogging I would never let her live such a lame lie down I would really wind her up but then I am a bit evil . She will be fine