I was in a LDR with a fella I adored for the last year.
There were lots of issues and we split about a month ago. We were talking and trying to figure it out for most of that time.
We met on a busy dating site which has blogs where we both blogged.
Lots of stuff happened and I gave the man a few home truths because I feel he was emotionally abusive to me.
The last week he has written an awful lot of nasty stuff about me, incliuding that I am mnetally ill. We are not talking and he has poached friends, as well as flirting with everything that moves online.
I know he is not a nice man. I know I need to stay away from seeing what he is doing. I know in the end I am probably better off without him in my life.
But I feel so pathetic. Like destroyed. I know it was only a one year thing and I know it is so not the same as many of you on here who have had 20 year marriages fall apart or anything. I just feel very desperate. I feel kicked when I am down and so low.
Can't stop crying and have had to remove myself from places online I liked before as he has bullied me out.
The worst thing is that what has set me off is the fact he has finally gone and got a job. No he didn't work the whole time I was with him and yes I paid for the flights to go see him three times. So you can add mug and stupid to the list of things.
He has let it be known that breaking up with me was a really positive thing for him and that it spurred him on to sort himself out. I am gutted he wouldn't do it when we were together and gutted that all I see is people telling him what a good job he is doing and how wonderful he is, and implying he was a gem to put up with me for so long, whilst I have had to retreat.
Basically I feel like a muppet and like a pathetic idiot. I still love him and that wrenches me even more, like if he's such a dick why the hell was my hard work not good enough?
To see him moving on and being so happy makes me feel terrible and I know thats selfish as if I really cared I would be happy he is happy. But I just feel destroyed by him.
Sorry rambly and probably far too self indulgent. I just don't have many places RL to go to and I feel desperate.
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Relationships
I feel pathetic
Elmtree1Ems · 23/11/2010 13:53
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