Help me move on, still angry.

[Roisinniamh]

Almost 2 years ago I discovered my husband's (relatively short)
affair, at the time he thought he was in love and wanted to leave with her. We talked it out and he decided to stay. However , during those talks he told me that before that affair(which had become physical) he'd had a previous one,mainly online, but had met up with her twice and had lasted for 5 years !
I have read many books recommended and we 've both attended Relationship councilling (both together and seperately) and I feel happy in our current situation.
However, I still have regular angry outbursts, where I hauraunge my husband over the affairs and can't or won't let up. I always feel guilty after these outbursts because he has bent over backwards in the past two years to make our marriage work.
Our children know I'm upset but don't know why.
I wish I could control them. Any suggestions please .

[CrawlingInMySkin]

Don't feel guilty he betrayed you and I think your feelings are perrfectly reasonable. Sorry no advice about dealing with the outbursts though.

[Roisinniamh]

Thank you.

[kettlechip]

I think it's totally natural. He let you down and you have every right to feel angry at that, it isn't going to go away easily, even with counselling and time.

Maybe the way to deal with it is to try and let him know when they're brewing, tell him you're angry, and then take some time out to calm down.

[snugglepiggy]

just wanted to send support before I dash out.6/7 months on from discovering my DH's affair- got stopped in it's tracks before became physical and will never know how far/how long it would have gone- I can empathise entirely with your flare ups.Had one last night after an otherwise lovely weekend-like you generally things are good but then all of a sudden off I go and he looks so hurt.Like your DH he's done so much to make ammends and restore trust- and today I thought yet again 'Oh no I've done it again!'This outburst was prompted by exchanging texts with DS at university whilst trying to cook-lovely to hear his news but made me think again just how many times a day DH must have pulled his car over etc to flirt with OW as much as I know they did.Ended up going to bed feeling shutdown and 'off him' and when he tried to hug me I lost it.It's awful isn't it because like you I then feel guilty for hours.The moods are getting further apart-and I am menopausal so guess shouldn't be too hard on myself.And you've had to cope with two seperate betrayals so my heart goes out to you!

[Roisinniamh]

Very similar sinarios, snugglepiggy.
Like yours, they are getting further apart ,but can be sporadic. I can usually analyse the outbursts after and recognise the triggers and 'snap' again I think I am heading towards the menopause !
Thank you too Kettlechip,you are all very kind and have made me feel (a bit) better about myself.
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