OMG have lapsed... Help??!?!?

[sunflower1234]

just when thought was playing game well

(hubby left me 2.4 weeks ago)

i have gone and e-mailed him a photo of us looking v v v happy together.

oh no!!!

surely if he was missing me in slightest i have just knocked things back???

gutted - no reply at all...

:( xxx

[wannabeglam]

This isn't a game. I don't see why he shouldn't know you love him and miss him.

Is there someone else involved?

If he says no, is it really true?

As he's your husband, I think you have a right to want him to be in touch with you so you can sort things out, whatever the outcome.

[SleeplessInLondon]

oh dear sunflower, its so difficult trying to figure out 'how best to deal with it' isn't it. If you are anything like me your mood/plans/opinions change numerous times over the day.

One minute I think to hell with him I'll be fine on my own (I'm a survivor and I want to be happy), the next that I really love him and don't want to make a move that will push him away more, then I think he's going through a crisis and he needs understanding and patience (as I'd want from him) and finally I think he is a selfish/pathetic/lying 'so and so' who isn't fit to cross my threshold.

As you can see I can't make up my mind. I think this is probably normal. So I am taking this time, to just get through the days, get over the shock a bit and see how I feel in a few weeks time and hopefully then my brain will be able to process things a bit more rationally and I will be in a better place to make decisions about life!

[frazzle26]

Hi Sunflower,

Really sorry to hear about you and your hubby.

How long ago did you snd the pic?? Is there any chance that he may not have read the email yet??

Also if he has seen it, he may just be considering what to send back.

Thinking of you x

[sanebrain]

It seems that you love him and miss him, you are being honest about that in your own way - and it can be hard to be that honest. Many would be angry and want to lash out only.
He may not have received it; he may not know what to say. It may confirm your worst thoughts. But be brave. Your action is your trying to reach out; it may not work, but you tried.

[sunflower1234]

thanks for replies :)

he defo got the pic - i was sending pics of kids and included the one of us.
i then sent message with apols...

he replied saying pics are fab - can you pls forward them on to my personal email so i can save them.
never even mentioned the other photo of us!!

feel like an idiot.

everyone has always told me to keep my distance, look like am moving on etc if i wanted him back.

it seemed to be turning his head a bit - although no move to come home:(

got emotional watching bl00dy x factor n looking thru pics...

OMG am gutted...

xx

[whensitgunnahappen]

Hello, my husband and I split up for 5 months last year. Long story but I'll cut it down massively! Initially, he wanted "space" and no contact between us. I freaked out, climbing the walls, torturing myself with pictures and memories and trying to "win him back" by sending him photos and memories. It didn't work. I just tortured myself and he felt like I was trying to force his decision and it actually made the whole nightmare longer! I took all pics down, made the house more "me" and spent time doing things I enjoy. He saw me for me again, and that I didn't need him and was actually fine without him. He totally freaked out and begged for us to try again. The great part was that by the point he wanted to cone back, I was fine on my own, I didn't need him so if he had decided to permanently separate. I would of, and it would of been fine. So I understand how this feels at the moment. It's unbearable. But please try and take some time for yourself and find out what makes you happy. You will be fine. Stop looking at the past photos and memories and start thinking what the future could be like x

[sunflower1234]

thanks

your post really does make so much sense and i was doing really well letting him see i was happily getting on with my life (albeit was just an act infront of him and i cried buckets as soon as his car drove off).

trouble was i held a halloween party yest afternoon n sister-in-law stayed later than planned and we ended up having couple glass of the evilness that is wine!!

your past situation seems so sensible (trial separation) - my hubby made it clear it was over, no going back. it hurts!!! ouch.

we havent discussed anything to do with ££ apart from him asking me to write him a letter to vodafone to cancel one of my contracts that is due for expiry (havent used that number for few months).
so am assuming this means he is intending on still paying my current mobile contract?? am so confused and there is no communication.
if i try - he clams up n changes subject.

2 little ones (DS age 4, DD age 3) poorly with awful coughs and been in with me all night crying and fidgeting. am lucky if had an hours sleep sooo tired. so guessing today isnt going to be one of my better days

thanks again and thanks to everyone taking time to read this.

carol

xxx

[Northernlurker]

He left you. You don't need to be looking like you're moving on - you need to actually be getting your life together a bit so that if he doesn't come to his senses you will be ok. Please, please don't torture yourself thinking he will suddenly decide to come back. Leaving is really, really hard - coming back will be just as hard - and it's unlikely.

Don't play games - get the money side of things sorted out now and then start thinking if he doesn't come back - what am I going todo with my life? You also might want to think if you want a man back who has broken your heart and walked out on his kids? Maybe you deserve better?

[gettingeasier]

Agree with NL why on earth would you be moving on when your h has left you and your dc ? This is a shattering thing to happen and you need to focus on taking care of yourself and your dc and just getting through the rawness of it all not how to win him back.

Ask for support in RL to get you through and post here you will get lots of support sadly so many of us have been through this.

BTW my xh left a year ago saying he needed space (after 17 years and 2 dc)to think about the future etc. From the moment he signed a rental contract I knew he wouldnt be back and I was right.

You will survive this however much you dont see that as possible now.

[sunflower1234]

thanks again girls

i am going from thinking he will come back, to thinking its possible he wont, to thinking he defo wont.
suppose its just human nature to have hope and then reality kicks in, repeat, repeat...??

it will be 3 weeks tomorrow - i think as time goes in its more unlikely he will come back home.

i sent him a lovely email lastnight from the heart saying we were making eachother miserable and I apologise for my part in our unhappiness etc. i said i hope in time we can be good friends, like we were before we got together...
he didnt even reply!!! speaks volumes to be honest. cant even be nice enough to say we can be friends in future for sake of kids

having said that - he is stubborn and tends to think i always want my own way (wtf haha)
so for him to reply he wud see it as him running up my ar*se (his words)

xx