Miss matched sex drive

[phipps]

I feel like a bitch to be honest. I want more sex than DH does and we never do it unless he wants too. I never say no and years ago when I wasn't that bothered we would start and then I would be happy about doing it, but of course dh has to want to or nothing happens. He is willing sometimes to play with me so I get mine but sometimes I feel like he is doing it to shut me up though he assures me he isn't. I feel sometimes like I am almost begging and feel rejected when he doesn't want to. He has a very stressful job and home life and is knackered at the moment but this is not a rare occurance. He can't do it when he has had a drink, he can't do it when stressed and I just don't understand that. if a woman doesn't really want sex she can still do it, obviously men can't.

He is my best friend in the world and if we never had it again I wouldn't leave him but omg he is gorgeous and I want to shag him. I feel like I am a bad person for wanting sex and I know I am probably unreasonable as if I said no he wouldn't even ask again.

[phipps]

[FrogInAJacuzzi]

I'm in the same situation and no need to feel embarassed . I think almost the worst thing about this is feeling so rejected. But it's a misconception that all men are always up for it. Lots of women post on here that their partners have a lower interest in sex.

My DH is also in an extremely stressful and demanding job. He works long hours and it feels as if he gives the best part of himself to his work and gives me what's left over. He is still interested in sex, but sometimes has problems maintaining an erection. We have sex fairly frequently - it isn't always penetrative and I quite honestly enjoy myself more when it's not. He tries harder (no pun intended) and we do more varied things. He says he loves to see me have pleasure so I'm sure your DH feels the same. In between times, I sort myself out. Maybe try in the mornings when he's relatively rested, and his testosterone level is higher. We seldom attempt it at night because I know he'll be too tired then.

[SMummyS]

It sounds like my relationship with DP but the other way around. Have you tried seducing him?? I know for me the more DP pushes me or tries it the more pressure I put on myself which in turn makes me do it less..

[phipps]

Thank you so much for not making me feel like I am in the wrong. I have just come back from a lovely lunch out with DH and we talked. He blurted out that he thinks he needs to see a doctor. My heart stopped as he has had a really bad cough for 2 months now and I thought he had something really bad wrong. I was relieved when he said he just has no libido. I know that sounds daft with what I originally posted but I thought he was ill ill. He said if X was laid on his bonnet there would be nothing and he would just think get off my car. Even thinking about me has no effect. We took a trip to Boots and got some wellman vitamins for general well being and couple of things from the sexual health section. He feels rubbish he can't do it but I just feel relieved he still wants me and hasn't got a bad illness.

Seducing him wouldn't work. He just feels pressure.

[phipps]

I miss Sunday morning sex but in the week, no chance. Plus the kids are up so early and there is no privacy.

[Nager]

Not much comfort to you but I really think this is a common problem. Work stress seems to kill some men's libido. I guess it is the same for women but because men are expected to be up for it and are generally bad at recognising and reducing their stress levels, the problem seems worse for men than for women.

At least you are both talking about it. I don't know what the answer is because anything that is percieved as pressure is unhelpful but so is ignoring the problem.

It sounds odd but I think even if a couple is not actually having sex their relationship can still be sexy.That doesn't make sense but I haven't got time to expand on my theme because I have to go and roast a chicken now (not a euphamism!)

[phipps]

I did tell dh that we have to make our relationship more of a priority as the kids come first, last, in the middle and we come after the animals . I said to dh that we need to cuddle and snog more because if we did that it would make sex less of an issue. DH has said before that the trouble with that is I want more and he knows he can't deliver . I feel so bad as he is the best person in my life and it is only sex.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

work and stress makes the libido go - plus the more you think about getting it up,the harder (no pun intended) it is to be able to

my friend and her dh had the same problem,plus they had 3 young kids and both were shattered

they saw counsellors and they advised them to stop thinking about sex and just have sexy cuddles/massages etc

dh and i have the owl and lark problem, im frisky in the am and love a morning bonk before work, where as dh likes his sleep and more of a evening man - so we compromise and have sex in the afternoons if not working (tho harder if got kids) and nothing quite like a lazy sunday afternoon n bed [hgrin]

its good you can talk about it and least you still love and fancy each other

[phipps]

Last night I felt he felt it was just one more thing he had to do, like a chore but he says not. He just gets annoyed with himself when he can't do it. I miss sofa sex. Kids are always coming down.

I totally love him, he is so gorgeous, but I can't shake this feeling I am wrong to want it when he doesn't. I have issues myself but dh is lovely. This is the only thing we have a problem with.

We so rarely have spontaneous sex but maybe that doesn't have to be an issue?

[Blondeshavemorefun]

how old are your kids? stair gates on bedroom doors if young or lock on your bedroom door

or both have a bath and get wet/come together under the shower

[phipps]

Not young enough. I have said to DH about a lock for our door but we haven't got one. Feels wrong to lock them out as they are used to being able to just come in when they want. We have tried to get them to knock first just to learn about privacy but they just burst in. Is it so wrong to want some time without them? Feels selfish.

[strawberry17]

I would definately say go with the lock on the bedroom door, we've always had one, my parents always had one, saves poentially embarrasing situations and having to "worry" about them barging in unexpectedly.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

• if they can't respect you and knock then get a lock
  

oh that rhymnes :)

spontaneous is good but often impossible with children

Maybe dh will relax more ( and then get it up easier) if knows dc aren't going to barge in

[phipps]

Maybe though that isn't the issue. He just nearly choked as he is on the computer watching a film and he looked up to see me naked on the top half.. Not a crap seduction technique but he had bought me a doughnut and I had dropped sugar all down my top!

[TDaDa]

must buy my DW doughnuts...lots

[phipps]

LOL.

Tell me what your RL name starts with TDD.

[TDaDa]

R :-)

What does that mean?

[phipps]

It means that your name starts with R .

[TDaDa]

...wit as well

[phipps]

DH had to go to work really early this morning but he came to kiss me goodbye and it was a really lovely kiss. Not a turn on snog but just a gentle, loving kiss.

He said last night he felt embarrassed about his lack of libido but I told him he has seen me give birth and there is nothing to feel embarrassed about.

I wonder if my heightened state has anything to do with the time of the month but before it used to be half way through my cycle and I only finished my AF a week ago.

[TDaDa]

cheerish