So why is this still bothering me..?

[lilyliver]

name change

This all happened several years ago, but has always bothered me and, for some reason, now more than ever.

When I was a bit younger I worked for someone who, basically, turned out to be a bit of a sex pest. The first time something happened was after a work night out, when I was really drunk and he was walking me home. He pushed me round the side of a building, held me against the wall and kissed me. I didn't really resist because I was so drunk and it didn't really seem to awful then.

The morning after was a classic 'oh no' moment - he was married and loads older. I assumed he would want to forget about it too, but he tried to carry it on - trying to kiss me, put his hand up my skirt etc. (this was all at work btw). I did tell him I didn't like it, but that didn't seem to be a reason for him to stop. When I said anything about the fact he was married etc. he would say 'Well you let me kiss you that night, so you're just as bad as me'. I was gullible enough at the time to feel bad about this, and thought he was right.

He also dropped heavy hints to others at work that we were having an affair, which meant that I didn't feel I could say anything as people would just think we had had a lovers' tiff or whatever. He eventually got quite horrible, making me do crap jobs or whatever, or being nasty to me in front of other people. On a couple of occasions he was quite threatening, so I was a bit scared of him. I had been planning to move to a different company anyway, so I just did and that was that.

But there are a few things about it all that still really bother me:
1 - that I was too much of a coward to actually say something - I really should have. He might do it to someone else, and that could be my fault
2 - His wife and family (his children are my age/older than me) still have no idea what he is like, and everyone else thinks he is just fab
3 - he is very occasionally on local radio/telly (not famous though) and whenever I hear/see him I just feel really horrible and creeped out
4 - about every 2/3 weeks I have nightmares about him where I can't get away from him, or where I am married to him and I don't know how it happened and I hate it.

I don't really know what I hope to gain from asking about this as there is nothing I can do! It would be nice to be able to stop thinking about it though. Or for someone to say 'actually, you are right, you WERE being pathetic and it was your own fault - just accept it and move on.'

[tb]

I don't blame you for feeling bothered by it. Depending how long ago it was, or how strongly you feel about it, you could always make a complaint of assault to the police. It all depends how you feel about it really, and you have to be prepared for it to get nowhere.

Have you tried looking at the bullying at work site, sorry can't remember the site.

[jeminthecellar]

But it wasn't your fault- he was abusing his position of power over you. You were young and vulnerable and he manipulated you and the situation.

Yes you do need to move on, but in a healing way, and for yourself.

He was a shit

[lilyliver]

It was about 3 years ago. I don't think I could make a complaint - it was too long ago, and even at the time I thought it (or I) wasn't worth it. It would have been pretty devastating to his family etc.

[lilyliver]

I kind of hope she has no idea what he's really like. I hope he doesn't behave to her (or their daughters...) the same way he did to me.

Any ideas for stopping the nightmares?

[prettyfly1]

Hiya

I experienced this too a few years ago. A married boss in my company started sending over dodgy messages, then we he realised I wasnt amused he told my boss I tried it on with him! I still feel really angry and humiliated when I think about it all but I now have an amazing job and his company went bust in the recession so really I saw karma get him in the end.

I think if you really cant get over it perhaps speaking to someone can help. He abused his position and put you in the role of victim which it sounds like you are struggling to forgive yourself for - maybe having a chat with someone about this will settle it down.

[lilyliver]

I still can't really believe that it was 100% his fault and 0% mine. Might be something to do with the fact that my partner of the time (another older man ) instead of being supportive or angry asked me what I had done to lead him on, and said 'I know what you're like'.