feeling miserable

[secondfiddle]

Just need to offload really.

Have been with my dp for 16 yrs and we have 3 young dc's. He had a long term relationship before me and has a grown up son.

I used to be very insecure early on in our relationship particularly over the ex and the child. This was probably magnified when we had our first child as he had been there and done it before. Totally took the shine off my happy event.

He is a decent man who i know loves me, but sometimes i do wonder whether we have both made do. Early on when we first met i know that he was probably still hung up over his ex and for a very long time i felt i played second fiddle both to him and his family(something he strongly denies).

I can't help how i feel though and he has definitely shown a certain disinterest in my pregnancies and i can't help but think that he lost interest really after his first son was born with his ex.

I don't ask for much but I never feel that i really have had any fuss or attention given to me. After the birth of all of the kids he never bought me so much as a card. Something i feel bitter about especially when i see friends and family who have had babies with their partners obviously overjoyed.

I honestly think he is maybe resentful of starting another family and all the stresses it brings and i think he finds me irritating and that i talk too much.LOL. I also think I am resentful of the fact that I missed out on happy times during pregnaNcy and birth that others have and I suppose I feel have never really had love and attention lavished on me.

He is as i have said, a decent bloke and father, but his irritation is often displayed in public(something else he denies) by commenting in company(particularly his family) on how tired he is etc, which makes it look on the outside that he doesn't like his life. This also gives his mum the opportunity to feel sorry for her poor son. It makes me look a fool. He says he doesn't mean anything, but for once i would him to show the outside world and me that he is happy with his lovely family and his hard working partner.

Sorry for the ramblings, does this amke sense.

BTW I have name changed.

[misscph1973]

I am sad to hear that you have so little confidence in your life together.

Honestly, men in general are just not that interested in pregnancy! I think you have to be the pregnant woman to be interested ;)

I'm sure that most of this is in your head. I'm sure that you dh is with you because he loves you and that you have children together because you love each other.

You should allow yourself to enjoy your life etc. regardless of your dh's past - it's not like he can undo it. You can, however, work on changing the way it makes you feel.

I think you need to look at how you feel and why you feel that way. It sounds as if your dh's previous relationship has become a scapegoat, so to speak.

[perfumedlife]

I will be upfront straight off, I am a glass half full person, and don't really understand negativity, so apologies if I misunderstand you.

What I struggle with in your post is, you felt so sidelined after during your first pregnancy and yet happily went on to have two more? Why? Were you unhappy or not, did you think two more kids would make it all better?


You say when you first met, you KNOW he was PROBABLY still hung up on his ex. So, you don't know, you think he probably was. I wonder if you aren't projecting your own self doubt on to him. You sound very depressed and negative. I would not read so much into a man saying he is tired, that's just a moan, we all do it, and yet you see it as something more sinister, as it making you look a fool, and not enough for him,

Do you see where I'm coming from? That maybe he is as happy as he can be, and it's your impression of him that's skewed?

[secondfiddle]

Thanks for your opinions1

Perfumed life I went on to have more children but I wanted more babies. We planned them and he agreed and was fine, but I guess he would he would have been equally happy if we had had none together. Dont get me wrong he has never treated me bad at all or said anything negative during my pregnancies, just the casual disinterest which has pissed me off.


I know most blokes don't exactly find the topic of babies fascinating, but I would have liked just a bit more. I have seen bloke s i know buy their wives a girlfriend huge bouquets and ring a nd tell people the happy news. I don't think he even made any kind of announcement when i had my third!

No i don't know for certain that he has hung up on his ex when me met, but I am pretty sure. She left him and he was gutted, i know that. And i belive he was probably still a bit cut up when I met him, though he would never admit it.

The tiredness thing is no big deal on it's own, but I never hear him say anything complimentary or positive about us all when we meet with his family. He looks fed up which in turn prompts people to comment, then he says he is tired or it is hard work. Of course it isn't for me, when I have a much harder job and i work the same hours as him!

I feel like I want to make a huge sarcastic comment when he next has a miserable face when we see family/friends.

[secondfiddle]

Sorry I meant I went on to have more kids cos i Love them and just wanted a biggish family!