What did babies do for your relationship?

[mitfordsisters]

I've just had ds2 a couple of months ago, and I am struggling to find anything positive to say about my DH. I know objectively he is a nice chap, but I just can't bear him right now. I find that I'm thinking negatively about him all the time - that he's useless, doesn't communicate, unrealistic blah blah blah.

Is it normal to feel like you loathe your partner when you've just had a baby?

[emmyloulou]

Has he done something to make you all of a sudden feel this way or could you possibly be post natally depressed if it's all of a sudden after the baby you are having thse feelings?

[mitfordsisters]

Def not PND emmyloulou, as very happy in general. I suppose our values are quite different and maybe I expect him to be more responsible and forward thinking than he is - it seems to be me that makes the decisions and wish he'd take charge sometimes.

Glad it's not just me Hedgehogs

[Astronaut79]

Ok to begin with, but whn Dh went back to work and it was DS and me alone in teh house all day, it kind of felt like DH was an interloper when he came home.

I used to be really ratty with Dh until I sat down and figured out what it was - it felt like he was intruding in my little world. I told him what teh problem was - and emphasised that it was my issue, not his, and then we got on with all our pre-baby bickering!
:)

[GirlWithTheMouseyHair]

yes, we went through 4-6 months of hell when DS was first born, not good relationship time generally though we managed to remain supportive of each other. The next year was great then earlier this year I had major wobbles for 3-4months based around my own issues but DH didn't help until I burst into tears and told him I wasn't sure I was in love with him anymore. He's been very good since, made more of an effort than I am and we're back on track again.

It's bloody hard keeping a relationship going and having a baby - quite aside from the sleep deprivation, him not (in my opinion) helping enough, me realising that actually I never have a choice to look after my son and the house whereas he always seems to be allowed to pick and choose - we've both changed a lot and while there are not yet any massive gaps in our outlook, we have to make sure to communicate much mroe than we did to make sure we don't drift apart too easily

[UnePrune]

I don't know a single woman who wasn't disappointed in her partner after the birth of their first child. Mostly it was their failure to be able to think.

[mitfordsisters]

Thanks for your input guys.

We do have to try harder to communicate - we assume a lot about what each other is thinking and that causes rows.

Def agree GirlwithMouseyHair that there is a bit of resentment that he can dip in and out of parenthood when he wants whereas for me it is constant and the nippers always come first. DH says that I micromanage him, but he doesn't use his iniative at all, so always feel I must spell it out. I'm going to sit down and talk to him about it.

Uneprune - only t'other day I was saying that he has plenty of time to think about whatever interests him but no clue about where we should live, what kids need, where to go on hols etc.

Will have chats with him

[Raejj]

Babies stress test the fault lines already there, plus add a couple more. With added sleep depravation and substantially reduced opportunity to escape with your friends