I feel so sad and alone

[loganberry12]

i cant talk to my husband. we have been married 4 years and at first everything was great, he was loving attentive caring kind and funny, we had a good sex life, but now he is moody all the time shouts at the kids for the littlest things, we have no sex at all he never gives me compliments any more and evry time i try to speak to him he just says im trying to start and argument. I feel so sad and alone really. We have two children together one of 15 and a baby who will be a year next week. this is my second marriage i have 3 grown up children from the first mariage. We havent been out for 3 years up until last night we went for a meal to celebrate my daughters 21st. I really made an effort to look good and loads of people complimented me, except my husband, when i asked him if i looked ok he barely glanced at me and just said yes. I want the romance again, i dont think i can continue this life the way it is any more, but im frightened to say anything to him because he just starts shouting and slamming things around. also he is addicted to canabis and spends most of his wages on it, we are always hard up. He wont slop we've had so many arguments over it.

[poshwellies]

Don't think anything will change until he stops being a dope head.

Sorry.

[loganberry12]

But he has always smoked since i met him and he has changed he used to be funny and happy and loving he smoked the same amount then he does now, the only issue i have with the smoking canabis is it keeps us poor

[Lulumaam]

i think that is a really big issue, that his drug use/addiction keeps you hard up and poor

you also say you can't talk to him

you have no sex life

he never compliments you

he slams and shouts and is argumentative

he is moody and shouts at hte children

he is no longer the nice, kind, loving , happy man he was

this is due to his drug use

you can't make him stop, he has to want to and get some help

i couldn't tolerate living like this

[poshwellies]

Cannabis can (and often) trigger mental health issues so yes,he probably has changed since you've been married-he has a drug habit,anger problems and is making you skint!

Hello!

[loganberry12]

you are right Lulumaam i know everything your saying is true but even though i have all these problems i do love him still very much and i really dont want to split up with him, i just want him to be the man i married. You are also right in the fact that he has to want to stop but he doesnt he cant see what its doing to us and wont talk about it he just says im nagging, its like hitting my head against a brick wall, im tired out from it all

[Lulumaam]

regardless of that, he is making no effort to be the man you married, you cannot do it for him

[cestlavielife]

what does your 15 eyar old say? is he scared of him too?
is this a good home for baby to grow up in?

why dont you want to split? you cannot carry on living with someone you scared of..nor is it right to put your baby through this...

he wont change unless he knows he stands to lose you..

time for an ultimatum...

[cestlavielife]

i.e. he recognizes and seeks help for his addiction or he leaves - temporarily or permanently

[mathanxiety]

He won't accept he has a problem with the pot until you make things difficult for him, either by really putting your foot down and making him move out temporarily, or having some kind of family and friends (if he has any) intervention. He can't see his problem and he won't until there is an actual practical problem for him (where will I sleep, what will I eat) or until most of the people in his life get serious about telling him.

When is the last time he saw a doctor? Maybe a GP would refer him for help? Could you get him to go, on a pretext or for the real reason?

As far as loving him and wanting the real him back, he has to choose what he wants you can't make him change for you. He has to want to, and it will be heartbreaking and horrible if he chooses the pot in the end, but up to now that has been his choice. He thought he could have both if that is no longer the case, he needs to be told very clearly and forcibly.

[helicopterview]

Maybe the cannabis is not the problem, but his way of escaping the problem?

Maybe he's as unhappy as you are, but (like a lot of men) cannot express this.

Is there any way he could be having an affair?

I only ask because the negativity towards you, lack of affection and sex could indicate he has turned from you to someone else. Also provoking a DW into an argument can be a way of justifying the affair - 'Oh look, she's such a nag/moaner. I am right to be seeing someone else'.