Tell me some good cures for heartache...

[fuschiagroan]

I have actual heartache, a little bruise just below my sternum.

Having to end it with DP of 2 years, because we are in completely different places in life, mainly due to a really big age gap. I made the decision to move away from where he lives a few months ago, so we both kind of knew what was coming especially with the age gap etc. on top of it. There isn't really any way the relationship can carry on, but we still love each other. He is letting me go because he knows it's best for me, is sad but hiding it reasonably well.

It came to a head today when he asked if he could come and see me in my new place on his birthday, at which time I will only have been there a couple of weeks. It will be just too difficult for me to have him there when I will still be in love with him. So I texted him (wimp) saying that I didn't think it was a good idea because of this. He rang me and said it is better to just end it, cleanly, now instead of dragging on for another couple of months. So we cancelled all plans we have.

So it's finally over now.

I have never split up with anyone I still loved before, or even been dumped, so I'm finding this really hard. Can I get some help?

[travellingwilbury]

I always find vodka helps .

Sorry I know that is flippant , why could it not work out ? It might help to remind yourself of all the reasons why you decided it wasn't going to be forever .

[fuschiagroan]

I have had some vodka.

It can't work - we weren't supposed to fall in love, it just started as a fling and got gradually more serious. The age gap is b-i-g. I want children and a proper family, which he can't/won't give me. He is a great boyfriend/partner, but I suspect very selfish deep down. He has been a serial philanderer in the past.

[travellingwilbury]

They all sound like good reasons to me , it must be hard though when you are stuck in the here and now and haven't got to the few years down the road with a good man and a family . In the mean time the vodka will help IMHO of course .

[IfGraceAsks]

A long-haul air ticket. Failing that, an extended visit to some friends who love you.

A new haircut is essential, plus at least one new outfit that suits you in a different way (rope in friends and/or sales assistants as your personal Gok.) Never underestimate the healing powers of: chocolate; alcohol; funny films; dancing; hugging a pillow/teddy; gossip and fattening food.

You are allowed a fixed period (2 days suits me) to go slowly through all your old photos, letters & cards, emails, texts, etc, and mope thoroughly over them. After that you must put them all away in a box - move the online stuff onto a stick, and put it in the box - close it and stash it somewhere you never look for things.

Try to feel more glad you had it, than sad you lost it :) Good luck, and remember to treat yourself lovingly.

[IfGraceAsks]

That was supposed to be a :) :(
Looked a bit heartless with just the smile - sorry.

[IfGraceAsks]

Oh! And eat stacks of chicken & celery. They contain serotonin (happy hormone) precursors - as does chocolate. If you need an extra boost to keep going, try: St John's Wort; ginger; gingko biloba.

I'm really off now ...

[fuschiagroan]

Thanks Grace. I'm growing my hair and am terrified of getting fat, but I will follow all the other advice! I feel a bit pathetic now, as loads of people have worse problems. But I do feel pretty gutted at the thought of never having a proper cuddle from him again...

[travellingwilbury]

Don't feel pathetic , there will always be people worse off than you but bugger that it doesn't help . Just be kind to you for now x

I do think putting a bit of a time limit on the maudlin bit of pictures etc is a good idea .

[fuschiagroan]

I've deleted all the pictures. I'm like that. Want them back now though

[travellingwilbury]

I know nothing of un deleting stuff but your instinct is probably right to get rid .

[bridgetjonesislovely]

I am with you Fuschia I deleted all the pictures of the guy that dunped me on Monday in a kind of I'll show you manner I even smirked as my laptop made a smug fizzing noise as it erased them from the recycle bin.
Then as soon as I'd done it I thought oooh no I want them back again.

I think this normal and something we have to do to heal as much as it hurts

[bridgetjonesislovely]

dumped even doh too much wine tonight the cure all of heartache

[SmellyPirateHooker]

Friends + booze.

A night out with the girls is essential in the healing process, text your friends now and organise a night out. Go out, dance, drink, have fun and then go home and cry with your best friend.

Next day, hangover breakfast followed by shopping. Buy new underwear, amazing shoes, new make up. Have a massage/haircut. Glass of champagne with said friend(s) before you go home to toast your new life.

[travellingwilbury]

I agree with smellypirate . That sounds like a good weekend to me and I am not even heartbroken .

[fuschiagroan]

Thanks. This is all new to me. He has just sent a text saying 'All my love forever, goodbye xxx'.

I would quite like some new glasses, do you think that might be allowed?

[IfGraceAsks]

Very totally! New glasses rock. Buy a new lipstick, too, so you get a fab new look in one go :)