Lazy husband driving me crazy.

[SlowlyLosingItQuicker]

I really don't know what to do anymore. My husband has been "sick" for the last 3 weeks and is blaming it on his insomnia and using it as an excuse to do nothing around the home. He sits on his computer all day while I cook and clean and look after DD. I've told him to go to the doctor if hes that bad he refuses. Meanwhile if I don't clean the house gets in more of a state. I'm currently seeing a therapist about my depression and this really isn't helping at all.

He tells me I should ask him to help tidy if I want him to. I don't feel I should have to as its his house too afterall. I'm so angry and I know it shouldn't be like this he refuses to go to the shops for me and always has an excuse not to.

A week ago I scrubbed everything in the kitchen clean including all the cupboards and appliances he did a half arsed job on one cupboard and then declared he was too ill to help so went on his PC. When he finally came back downstairs I'd nearly finished the kitchen just needed to wash 6 or so pots and wash the floor, Cue him promptly telling me that he'd do it. He did 4 days later.

I don't know if I can cope with this anymore I'm barely sleeping and its pushing me further towards wanting to kill myself just to escape having no life except for cleaning all day. I really don't know how to deal with this anymore.

[Earlybird]

Does he not have a job to go to?

Could he be depressed also - hence the lack of energy, motivation, etc?

Could he possibly have glandular fever?

[SlowlyLosingItQuicker]

No job he really doesn't want to work and I guess I resent him for that too.

I've asked him if hes depressed I really have tried everything I can but when he refuses to go to the doctors theres only so much I can do.

I've just tried to talk to him about this only for him to pull his usual stunt of turning it all back on me and calling me a bully and saying I ignore him completely.

I really do love him but I just keep wondering if I would be better off alone as he seems to make it clear sometimes that he doesn't want me or DD here. I'm sat here crying trying not to let DD see again what a state I'm in while hes stormed off upstairs onto his computer.

I can't carry on like this.

[Squitten]

If I were you, it would be ultimatum time.

He would have two options: go and see a doctor about either the insomnia, the depression or whatever is wrong with him, otherwise he would have to leave and decide what to do with himself.

It sounds as though you have put up with as much as you can and, while it is a horrible thought to act so harshly towards someone who may well have a legitimate problem, you also have yourself and your child to think of.

You cannot help someone who does not want to help themselves and you can't carry him either.

[Earlybird]

How do you make it financially if he is unwilling (though able) to work? Would think that would be his motivation - the need to put food on the table and a roof over your heads!

[SlowlyLosingItQuicker]

I budget very carefully, We're on JSA. I've been looking for a job but I only had one GCSE when I left school.

He doesn't care about getting more money in he thinks its fine as it is.

[rainbowinthesky]

Fecking waste of space not wanting to work. Exactly what does he contribute to the family?

[SlowlyLosingItQuicker]

Not a whole lot right now Rainbow hes upstairs on his computer I can hear him laughing so its obviously only me thats getting upset.

[CatButler]

What a horrible situation for you to be in :(

I have some experience of a similar scenario when DP quit is old job and then refused to get another for 18mths.

The helplessness and feeling stuck was one of the worst things.

Haven't got any great advice for you as I threatened to leave my DP at one point even went to look at flats and then backed out at the last minute.

I did however start writing things down as I was just sooooooo angry with him. This also helped to clarify that I wasn't going round the twist and the things he said really were said etc.

Keep posting here to begin with and your strength I think will start to increase gradually - if I'd known this site existed then......!

At least you know it's not you and in time you will start to see a way out/forward for you and DD.

[Earlybird]

With all due respect, it is this sort of attitude - 'able to work, but don't want to/can't be bothered' - that sends me over the edge.

Quite frankly - it is not a choice any able bodied person should be able to make, and any system that allows/supports it needs a BIG overhaul imo.

Sorry that doesn't help you though. Don't know what I'd advise - must be impossible to respect someone with that attitude/lifestyle, and it sets a terrible example for your dc....not to mention the pressure/strain it puts on you and the marriage.

How long have you been together? Has he always been like this?

[AlisonDubois]

Leave him, if not for your sake than for children.
He will suck out all the life you have left...and then expect more.
Do not stay with this leech...you deserve better.

[Aminata100]

You are enabling him by being his "skivvy"!

Time to take control of your own life, go on strike! :o

Stop washing, cooking and cleaning, except for you and DD. (See him as a lodger who won't "pay the rent"...)

Oh, and deplug his computer and throw it away/hide it!

[expatinscotland]

He sounds like a waste of space.