can u train men?

[Hai1988]

Just wanted to know if any of you had/have men who dont lift a finger round the house and have got them to change there ways?

[Wordsonascreen]

divorce tends to help things along swimmingly

[FindingMyMojo]

Let him know what you NEED him to do to contribute towards running of the household. I would express this as a NEED of yours - not an option, or a whimsy. I find men like to fulfill needs.

If he doesn't step up tell him that it is very important to you/your relationship and your family that he contributes regularly & participates in the running of your home. Whilst you would much prefer to live WITH him, it is of course entirely his option to contribute to your housework or not. HOWEVER if he doesn't want to pull his weight, he will be free to go and live elsewhere where his lack of ability to contribute would not be an issue.

[Tortington]

they aren't dogs.


this is abou mutual respect.


my dh has learned that by contributing to household chores that he is doing what human beings do, as they contribute to the mess

he isn't doing me a favour, as the aethetics of cleanliness versus dirty isn't mine alone to appreciate.

that he is showing respect to the rest of the family.


think of this as a corporate course.



you walk in the room becuase you want to learn about lets say...health and safety at work

something you knew existed, but which you never gave much thought to

after you have been educated, you know what to be mindful of.


it is the same principle.

if men continue to abstain from their contribution to the household, especially if you have discussed an equal distribution of labour, then shit in his pillow case.

[FindingMyMojo]

CUSTARDO
thankfully I had just swallowed my tea!

[TrillianAstra]

Men are not dogs, they are adult human beings.

You dod not train them, you talk to them. If they do not want to do the things you want them to do, you explain why. If they do not accept your reasons then either you or they need to make changes in your expectations or behaviour.

[FindingMyMojo]

when I say 'your housework' I was meaning the housework of your household, not YOUR Housework OP!!!

[mountainmonkey]

Is this the same man who controls your money and your social life. Honestly, get rid!

In answer to your question- yes but only if they're willing to help. Sometimes its just that they genuinely don't realise that stuff needs doing or don't know how to do it (usually because their mother was the type to run round after everybody), sometimes they just think "well if I leave it then she'll do it". You can ask a man to do something but if he has no respect for you then he'll carry on being a lazy git. It tends to be best to start as you mean to go on - when you first move in together (or even before that) make it clear what you expect from each other and establish how you're going to divide the housework.

[primrose22]

Yuk! Can only imagine the uproar if this was posted on dadsnet about someones wife............

[ccpccp]

Does he bring in the wage, or do you?

[ccpccp]

OP - you just cleans up YOUR mess, and husband will keep the wage.

Everyone happy :)

[mountainmonkey]

Butterfly - money has come into this one because OP has previously posted about him using her bank account and not letting her have access to her own debit card.

[passionfruity]

Some things that have worked for us :

1. Pay for a cleaner out of the joint account
   

1. Find out what annoys him about your household habits (eg DH doesn't like it if I don't stack the dishwasher properly) and tell him you'll keep doing it unless he does X
   

1. Ignore him when he says 'Where are my keys/phone/the remote control etc?' (because he's left them under a pile of clothes) and do not help him look or suggest where they might be
   

1. Take his junk to the charity shop so it doesn't clutter up the house (or hide it and pretend you have taken it to charity then 'release' it if he does X)

[CakeandRoses]

passionfruity - you are me!

[PeppermintPasty]

This is childish perhaps but it worked for me...after all the talking in the world failed to get him to put his socks etc in the wash basket, I made a nice neat little pile of them on the patio and set fire to them, while he watched in disbelief. That sorted it.

[TechLovingDad]

Is he inconsiderate in other areas?

It's not about training, it's about respect.

[booyhoo]

no

[Flisspaps]

TechLovingDad previous post from OP