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Made dumb life decisions - need support

4 replies

DumbNewMum · 02/08/2010 16:44

Namechanged.
I'm 34. I have a 5wk old, never wanted to be a mum and married to someone who isn't right for me.

Where do I start?

My 7 year relationship went through a rough patch last year. Had lots of discussions and somehow we decided to try for a child. Thought it might take a while to conceive, but I fell pregnant that month.
His parents demanded we got married. We were going to do this anyway, so we did it sooner rather than later and got married with me 20wks pregnant.
Now have a beautiful DD.

Trouble is, I'm not happy.
I know I did the wrong thing getting pregnant and getting married and I feel so stupid.

How do I make the best of this situation?

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ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 02/08/2010 16:49

Have you always felt like getting married was a bad idea? Or do you only feel this way since the birth?

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DumbNewMum · 02/08/2010 16:59

It seemed like a good idea when we got engaged 6 years ago, but as our relationship developed, I think I was getting cold feet.

I've felt a little better about it since the birth as he is so good with our DD.
He's over the moon to be a dad.

I feel trapped, but know it is all my own fault. Nobody forced me into any of this. I just wasn't brave enough to get out sooner.

I think having little one has made it all 'real' and I realise how dumb I've been.

Know I need to grow up and get on with it, but don't know how to change my mindset

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ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 02/08/2010 17:07

I'm just wondering if you're thinking totally straight? Your baby is only 5 weeks old, and I know that I was all over the place emotionally/mentally in the early months (not saying it's the same for you, just wondering if it might be a factor). Do you love your husband? Do you think, that with work, you could have a happy marriage?

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DumbNewMum · 02/08/2010 17:16

We love each other, just don't fancy each other.
We've only had sex once since I conceived and that was because I was making fun of him about our marriage not being consumated!

I have my 6wk check at the docs next week so am planning to ask about going back on medication (I was taking anti-depressants before I got pregnant.)

However, I think the depression only changes how I deal with the issues, not the issues themselves IYSWIM.