am i always in the wrong now?

[bellesbelle]

i had an affair 6 years ago. Dh found out, forgave me and we stayed together. Do you think its ok that he still brings this up whenever we have an disagreement? I feel i cant complain about anything he does now as nothing is as bad as what i did 6 years ago.

[Nemofish]

Your dh has to move on.

He has to learn to be able to trust you again.

If he can't move on, then he risks, ultimately, losing you anyway.

It shouldn't be a stick to beat you with every time you don't agree with him.

[usedtobe]

i agree with nemofish,
did you try counselling?

[compo]

No it's not fair that he brings it up in every disagreement
it means that he hasn't forgiven you
I would sit him down and say that as he keeps mentioning it does it mean he can't get past it
it's hard to have a future if he can't

[knickyknocks]

Agree with what's been said. He had a choice when he found out. He chose to stay. It's not fair to keep bringing it up. Agree with compo, you need to say this to him again and say you can't have a future if he brings it up every disagreement. You did wrong - you know that, but he chose to stay with you, so therefore he ALSO has to work to get past it aswell. As already mentioned, relate may be able to help him and you with this.

[WhenwillIfeelnormal]

It depends. It was 6 years ago, but did you get to the bottom of why you were unfaithful and take responsibility for it, rather than blaming it on him and/or the marriage?

What work have you done as a couple to affair-proof your future marriage and do you discuss fidelity and make joint efforts to preserve it?

The truth is, after infidelity, there is lower tolerance to other grievances that might have been bargained away before. And if you didn't delve deep when it happened, or jointly repair the trust, then it becomes like a festering sore.

Counselling would help, and I would say that your H is still hurting grievously and needs some help with that. In turn, you need to get to a place where you can have a disagreement about something unrelated to the infidelity and deal with the issue at hand - and nothing else.

[booyhoo]

he hasn't forgiven you. if he had it wouldn't keep being used as a stick to beat you with.

try counselling.