What to do about DS (4) feeling so terrified of show-and-tell

[Scrumplet]

DS gets extremely anxious and tearful about show-and-tell. He tends towards shyness/self-consciousness around big groups of people, and says that he really doesn't like having to talk to so many people. I can understand that. I try reassuring him that his classmates like him (which I believe they do) and would be interested in what he has to say - to no avail.

Public speaking scares the hell out of a lot of adults! But at school, DS hasn't got the choices an adult has, to conquer/avoid/accept his fears, so what do I do? Encourage him to give it a try but tell him that, if he feels really uncomfortable, he doesn't have to do it? Or should he be made to do it, so as to push him through his fear, and avoid undermining his teacher and discouraging other kids from giving it a go?

He was terrified. And he is only four, FFS. Any ideas?

[theyoungvisiter]

have you talked to his teacher about this? He can't be the first child to experience this anxiety, maybe she will have strategies to help? Perhaps doing a very short thing or doing it with her at first...?

I don't think he should be forced into activities he's frightened of but long-term, if he doesn't get over his fear of speaking out then it might impede his enjoyment of school, as he could be scared to put his hand up in class etc.

[choccyp1g]

I'd have a word with the teacher. How can it be worth so much upset, just so the teaher can tick whichever box? Surely it is better to start the less confident ones off with showing and telling to a smaller group, maybe just their table?

[Scrumplet]

Thanks, theyoungvisiter and choccyp1g. I wanted to speak to his teacher about this this morning (it's show-and-tell today), but a supply teacher's in. I'll talk to his regular teacher the next time I get the chance.

As far as I know, he'll put his hand up to answer a question OK. I think it's the free-flow talking about something personal that he doesn't like, stood up in front of the class with all eyes on him. I can relate to that!

Great strategies - doing it with her, or to a smaller group. Thanks for ideas - I can put these to her.

[GooseyLoosey]

Maybe the teacher could ask him questions about his show and tell so he still gets his turn but does not actually have to improvise a talk - hopefully then he would gradually become happier about doing it. The key thing at the moment is to find a way of overcoming his anxiety about it and I definitely agree that forcing him to talk is not the way.

[piscesmoon]

Talk to the teacher, it isn't always obvious that a DC doesn't like it.

[melissa75]

is show and tell a requirement? I think if it were me, and I was the teacher, I would do as someone else suggested, I would do it with him or perhaps have him face me to tell me, so he is not looking out towards the rest of the class to make it a little less intimidating. Perhaps having him do show and tell in a small group to start will help him to feel more confident and then once he is more confident, can work up to bigger groups until it is the whole class. I definately do not think forcing him to stand in front of the whole class to do show and tell is going to do him any good, other than to put him off of it for longer!

[Smee]

Are you saying they have to do it? Am a bit amazed at that tbh. At DS's school any kid can take something in, but there's no pressure and certainly nobody has to have a go if they don't want to. I think it's a bit off to put so much pressure on one so young, or is that just me

[terramum]

I would definately have a word with the teacher about this. He should not be forced to do something that makes him so scared. One day he will be ready...but to force him before then is awful imo .

[Coldtits]

I'm not saying your 4 year old is lying, genuinely not but...

4 year olds can be easily overwhelmed and can take their teacher as God sometimes. So if his normally lovely teacher has said "Now, on Thursday, we are having Show and Tell, and you can all bring in something interesting to show us and tell us about!"

And he may have heard "On Thursday we are having show and tell, and you all have to bring in something interesting to talk about in front of everyone while the look at you"

Talk to the teacher. Reception teachers are usually very gentle and kind.

[Coldtits]

So what happened?

[myredcardigan]

My DS was the same. The teacher started asking him on a one to one basis and leaving it at that,though telling me (in front of him) how wonderful he'd been at explaining it all to her.

Then she would ask him one to one beforehand then repeat the same two questions on the carpet so he had already prepared his answers. We're still at this stage though she says the next is to drop the prep.

She is lovely BTW and tells me this is a tried and tested method.