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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Primary education

after scool play/full time work - how can I take my turn?

13 replies

shamum · 11/11/2008 19:51

Would be interested to know thoughts - I work full time but DD has been, and is often, invited to play dates after school. She loves to go and to have people at ours, but after school is just not an option and the weekends aren't always free. Are we short changing her, and aren't play dates also about taking turns to relieve other Mums??

OP posts:

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compo · 11/11/2008 19:52

No it's not about relieving other mum's , it's about your dc having fun imo
What about inviting the mum and child round for coffee sat or sun morning? or tea sat or sun afternoon?

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EachPeachPearMum · 11/11/2008 19:56

It's difficult, isn't it?
People always want to (understandably) keep their weekends for family time/chores/ etc, but I don't want my DD to miss out on playing with friends at home- it's so different from playing at nursery.

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Flyonthewindscreen · 11/11/2008 20:18

As a SAHM, I understand that it is difficult for a mum with a full time job to reciprocate play dates and anyway imo playdates are about DCs having out of school fun with their friends not a strict swapping of favours for mums.

Although perhaps occasionally at weekends/school holidays when you have annual leave you could take your DD and a friend out for a treat (soft play, cinema), etc so that their parents realise you do appreciate all the play dates your DD has enjoyed with their DC and it would allow them to get with chores, spending time with other DCs/DP, etc.

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nametaken · 11/11/2008 22:38

What KamR said

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shamum · 12/11/2008 08:12

thanks all - nice to have honest opinions and am relieved! Will continue with the odd weekend treat and stop stressing!

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Anna8888 · 12/11/2008 08:18

Agree with KamR.

Frankly, I have other children round (mostly for my DSSs) and don't expect it to be reciprocated. (But I do like to be thanked by the other (WOH) mother. Grrrrrrrrr.)

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EachPeachPearMum · 12/11/2008 10:20

Well- mine is still so young that we don't leave our child with another mother IYSWIM- they are only 2!
But I am glad that other mums understand- I just feel bad asking about weekends as I know how precious that time is.
Think I shall ask for some playdates at weekends... the worst that can happen is they say 'no'

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elliott · 12/11/2008 10:25

Is there any way you or your dh can negotiate one day/wk when you can be at home after school? I think it is well worth it as its nice for your dcs to be able to have friends round, plus you will probably get more invites if you are able to offer some too (although if your dd is already getting plenty of opportunities, it might not be an issue).
Personally, I am more than happy to do playdates on weekends - the kids are less tired, you can do more fun things, and tbh I don't think its much fun for any of us to spend the weekend all together. I've found it easier to do this as the kids get older too (mine are nearly 5 and nearly 7).

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smugmumofboys · 12/11/2008 10:35

The mother of one of DS1's friends works ft but has negotiated school hours on a Friday so that she can catch up at the school gate, see teachers and so that her dcs can have friends round.

Could you negotiate something like this?

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Fennel · 12/11/2008 10:59

I would/do make an effort when I do have time - weekends, birthday parties, that sort of thing, I make sure that we do invite children round to our house a lot and out with us even though we both work.

Not really about relieving other parents for us as we have 3 so losing one or 2 doesn't actually make life that different. It's to help the children with their friendships.

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Fennel · 12/11/2008 11:00

You can easily work out the families who like to meet/have their children come round at weekends and the ones (not that many in my experience) who really do want to keep weekends as separate. Most people we know are happy to have weekend arrangements, and many of them - those without much family around, single parents, those with partners working at weekend - are desperate to socialise at weekends.

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DontCallMeBaby · 12/11/2008 22:06

Encourage friendships with only children - I'd be more than happy to pay the 'price' of having another child round without ever getting rid of DD in return, just to ensure she has friends to play with after school. Just so long as I knew that it was because the other mum worked full-time, not cos she secretly hated me or DD or something.