DS reception - hysterical every morning

[Greydiddi]

Hello All

A very common problem but just wondering for some advice as to how to handle it.

My DS started reception last week - he was fine for the first few days but has become increasingly hysterical. He went to pre school at the school so knows the school, classrooms and teachers. He was separated from his two best friends which seeks to be causing some of his anxiety, but the main deterioration happened after I picked him up on day 3 and he said another boy had been nasty to him and punched him on the nose but he was too scared to tell the teacher. He did have a bruise on his nose and a massive nose bleed that night so I think something did happen - whether it was deliberate or not who knows.

Anyway ever since that day he was hysterical about going to school - both at night and then in the morning. It is really difficult for me to even get him dressed and out of the house to school.

I guess I'm just looking for any advice to help him at all. I feel so sorry for him and also just finding it very tough myself both physically/practically and emotionally ( my DF is end stages terminal cancer with a few weeks left so I'm not at my strongest at the moment). Obviously I do the usual sympathetic but cheerful approach but tbh it doesn't seem to be improving at all ( I know it has only been a very short while it just feels very long!). I should add I do work so his nanny takes him 3 days but is also finding it very tough.

[PlugUgly]

Have you thought about talking to the teacher so he/she can reassure him, it must feel awful feeling abandoned to the possibility of violence, I wouldn't want to be left at work feeling like that without reassurance from 'the boss' it might reduce the anxiety

[flagnogbagnog]

I'm so sorry about your Dad
My youngest DC was like this going into school. what helped us was for him to be handed over to a lovely, kind LSA everyday. He seemed to like the routine of that and in turn it calmed his anxiety. I would definitely have a word with the school to see how they can help.

[Greydiddi]

Thanks both

Maybe I should have a word and just mention the nose thing, I guess even if it was just accidental it is how my DS perceives it that matters - they obviously know he is very upset as witness it and are very kind.

flag that is a good idea, he is very much a routine oriented child so I'm hoping that over time just the repetition of going I might help. The lunch experience also seems a big deal for him, he is very worried about dropping his tray, who he will sit next too etc.

Thanks for the responses - apparently I was like this starting school and went on to love it so hopefully he will too!

[waterrat]

gosh I would definitely tell the teacher - they need to sit down kindly with him and tell him its realy important that he lets them know if he gets hurt.

They should really have noticed - but they need to know if a child gets banged on the head for example.

In our school the teachers make time to calm the little upset ones at the bgeinning of the day so I would hope that if you tell them they will make time to start the day with a bit of extra attention.

[Greydiddi]

Thanks everyone - I had a chat at home time and they are going to speak to him tomorrow about telling them if he gets hurt. They have also suggested he brings in a cuddly toy with him if that would help as the TA had remembered that he used to bring a toy and just leave it in his bag incase he needed it when he started pre school, so will try that ( and nice that she remembered seeing him with it).

[WTFsits]

for the tough time you are having OP.
Similar issues here. DD finding lunchtimes hard for all the same reasons and the lack of adult input. Play times in general are tough due to shyness with other kids.
I'm finding the school aren't being proactive though (we've been doing an unofficial discreet handover to her class TA in the classroom or in playground but they now want to stop that and have 'everyone doing same thing' in the morning ) which is shaking my confidence in the class team. It's only the second week FFS. My DC wasn't at their preschool and is in a totally new environment.
Will try with the toy idea. Hope things improve for your DS.

[Greydiddi]

Hi WTF I'm really sorry to hear your DD is finding school difficult and that the school don't seem to be being proactive. The taking a toy has helped my DS an awful lot ( he just keeps it in his school bag just incase) and they also gave him some one on one at lunch, so now he seems much less nervous about that.

I hope they have had a chat to you about your DD, I must say DSs teachers and TAs really have been wonderful and are very easy going about just helping the kids at this point. What they try In the morning is that the children that are nervous go at either the front or the back of their line to go into school from the playground and the teacher/TA holds their hand to go in. So they are in the line with the others but holding the teacher's hand. For some of the children the parents sometimes stand inside to help with the coat etc and then the teacher takes them into the classroom. It seems quite a good compromise between getting some kind of 'everyone does the same' but with little tweaks for the nervousness children?

Anyway I hope your DD is starting to find things a little easier ( and you too).

[ilovesushi]

That is so tough for both of you! My son took forever to settle into YR mainly because there was no one to greet the kids on arrival and no set morning routine. He felt totally adrift. With hindsight I wish I had been firmer with the teachers at the time in requesting more help to get him settled. What does his teacher say? Does he cheer up once he's in or is he unhappy throughout the day? It does sound like something happened that knocked his confidence. I would say go in and meet the teacher and come up with a plan together, so the school can support you and the nanny to get him through the door in a way that causes minimal upset to all involved. Could he go in through a different entrance so he's not mixed up with the chaos of the other kids? Or can a TA meet you at the gate to do a handover? Hope you can pinpoint what exactly is causing his anxiety and work it out. Good luck!

[QuackDuckQuack]

Crying when I left became a habit for my DD (without an obviously triggering event) and eventually I said that if she cried and wouldn't let go, I would drop her at the door and not go into the classroom the next day. That worked perfectly for her and she didn't cry again. I wouldn't recommend it for all circumstances, but it did work for us.

[WTFsits]

Thanks Grey
It's been slightly better but still tears every morning unfortunately. The school don't want parents to come into the playground at all in the mornings and DD's found it really hard saying bye outside and walking in alone through the playground and into the classroom. (They don't ever line up the kids to all go in together unfortunately .) Still, tomorrow is another day.. and we will try your toy tip, thank you.

[lukeymom]

My son finds it hard.He's been there 3 weeks. He was brave the first week but by the second week he was telling me he hates school.He's been wetting himself, (2 times), Both times I took a change of clothing in.Then the 3 rd week it's been chaos.He poo'd himself 2 times.The teacher called me in to change him,she said it was too messy.Thursday I kept him off school to take him to doctors.Doc just said it was probably the tail end of a cold.He had had a little cold but was nothing major a few weeks before.I said I'd see how he was .He seemed ok Thursday so I sent him to school on Friday.I had a job interview of all things.I later got home to find that the school had been trying to contact me again to say that he'd fallen asleep after dinner. They decided to call my elderly parents house where my brother lives and he was asked to pick him up.He was sat in their house right as rain.He was smiling and playing his tablet. He told me he went to sleep because he missed me and wanted me to pick him up.
I'm in a dilemma because of I start work I can't keep getting phone calls from school. He loved his nursery and had two friends there.School is too long he says.My son also has speech problems and sees a speech therapist every few weeks. He finds school life difficult and I hate leaving him when I know he misses me so much.He has an older brother there who he sees at the fence at playtime.He talks to him but when he goes away he is left crying.Hoping next week is going to be better but I'm prepared for the worst again.