Primary school exclusion age 6

[Debbie73]

Hi ,
I am having a major problem with my sons school . He is a normal average 6 year old , not special needs etc mischievous and boisterous like a 6 year old should be I was called in about a month ago by his form teacher about a playground incident where my sons friend hit another boy, and they believe my son had told him to do that . She said that my sons friend was 'thick ' and my son is manipulative and is the main cause of all the trouble making him do things which are not responsible . . She put the bullying label on him and insinuated that things would go further if there was no change . She said she had a complaint from the boy's mother and couldn't have this . My son got lunch time detention . Anyway , since then I have been summoned twice more regarding quite low level stuff . The teacher does not think my child is agressive or malicious but when he plays other kids sometimes get hurt and that is not ' responsible ' ( school motto ) and she will have to keep in lunch time detentions until he is more responsible . I was called in yet again on Friday and told to pick my son immediately after an 'incident' - apparently my son had dragged another boy on the floor after this boy had kicked him off a bench .
He was then carted off to headteacher who said ito him if he is anymore trouble he is out , and he will be expelled . All this week he has had no mid morning or lunch time breaks . He is miserable . They are now to me threatening to expel him .
Part of the problem is my son who says he is ' scared ' of them and does not explain the whole story or sequence of events . He never snitches on anyone or is a cry baby and now seems to becoming a scapegoat for anything that happens as he does not defend himself , also his partner in crime seems to get away with just about everything and nothing much has happened to him - not threatened with being expelled.
Really stressed out at the whole school exclusion at the moment I am getting the impression they are really singling him out and if he even so much as pushes someone in the corridor they are going to try and exclude him .
Any advice from anyone who knows about primary school exclusions would be greatly valued and appreciated.

[DonkeyOaty]

Hullo there

Just before we all launch in could you clarify are you in Scotland /Wales/England as advice could be different depending on your location

[Smartiepants79]

Some of this sounds very odd. A teacher actually called another child thick, in front of you?
Exclusions and expulsions are very unusual at this age and would require more serious and ongoing behaviour than you have described in my opinion and experience.
Is this a state school?
How honest are you being with yourself about his behaviour? Are other children getting hurt? Is he encouraging others to misbehave? He dragged a child along the floor? How seriously was he hurt?
It sounds like and over reaction from the school, he is only 6. But it's hard to judge on just what you've said.
I'm also not sure about 6 year olds "should" be mischievous and boisterous???

[admission]

There are clear guidelines about what a school can exclude for and what they cannot exclude for.Pupils can be permanently excluded for a one off offence such as violence to an adult or to another pupil but from your description of events it would be much more likely that any exclusion would be for what is called persistent disruptive behaviour.
To get to this point the school will have to have appropriate records of events, to have tried to modify your son's behaviour and I would certainly expect before it got to a point of permanent exclusion a number of fixed term exclusions. Is there any paper record of meetings you have had that suggest exclusion or is it just words that have been said?
I think you do need to take a more jaundiced view of what your son is saying to you and look at all the evidence of what has happened in the various incidents. Is there any independent evidence of what has happened that you can use to more firmly establish what is going on. Also do you actually know that nothing is happening to the other pupils involved in incidents? The school will certainly not be telling you of actions that may have been taken with other pupils, so is this just an assumption by you?

[Debbie73]

Yes this is a state school , an Academy in London.
The teacher did actually call his friend 'thick ' and 'not very bright' , which I thought was quite unprofessional but her analysis is that my son is the cause and his friend can't think for himself , as the other kids point the finger at him and blame him for all their misdoings , my son does not explain himself ( confidence issue and he says he is scared of the teacher) so ends up getting punished so far it is just detentions , but they are not disguising the fact that they want him expelled .
The incident on the bench , no nobody really got hurt , the other child just carried on , no tears even from either side .
As far as home goes , and his mischievous boisterous behaviour, it's stuff like nagging him to do home work , or go to bed . He does have a lot of energy. He will try doing anything to get out of reading and will rather do Lego ( his fave) art or count his money that he has extorted out of us for doing chores . But there have never been any issues regarding behaviour outside of school , whether that be in swimming club , playing with other kids in soft play centres , on holiday etc etc in fact he's quite good at making friends and playing with other kids. He's really kind to our pets, so no sadistic behaviour there.
I find out what has happened to the other kids by what My son has told me , like today my friend had detention today for tying up another kid with a skipping rope say .
The sad thing half the things he is alleged doing is not even witnessed by teachers , it's going on accounts of other 6 year olds , they might get a ticking off , then they go home tell mum ,they blame my son , then mum phones the school complaining about my sons apparent behaviour , which the school does not like .
Academically , he is struggling with literacy mainly because he does not have a passion for books , reading is a chore not a pleasure . In class with topics that don't interest him he will 'zone out ' as they put it . I have asked the school if they recognise this that he is struggling and would they provide extra help with pupils as I thought there may be a link for his lack of interest in some lessons may result in irresponsible behaviour in the playground . She said no there was no extra help . I said my son has extra private tuition , which she didn't agree with .
I'm bit of a loss really , I don't know whether to try and move schools or just stress myself and him out waiting to be excluded.

[BarbarianMum]

I would move him. He's miserable and they are handing out punishments without offering any solutions or trying any strategies to improve his behaviour (other than keeping him in). They also seem to be making a scapegoat of him . Have a fresh start elsewhere.

[NynaevesSister]

Basically what Admission said.

Also, you need to take steps right now to protect yourself and your son.

The school must by law have a copy of the behaviour policy on their website. Download this now. It will clearly state the exact process the school must go through. Make sure they are following this.

Follow up every phone call and discussion with the teacher and school with an email. "just to recap, during a chat/phone call with X this was discussed, and these were the actions agreed on. If you disagree with this summary or have spotted inaccuracies please reply to this email".

When your son was sent home from school that was an exclusion. You should have received a letter from the school advising you of this and stating exactly why he was excluded. If they haven't done this then they have committed an illegal exclusion and you can take a complaint against the school.

Keep a log of everything.

I personally would put it in a written complaint to the head teacher and chair of governors stating that the teacher called the child thick and that you do not think this is an appropriate comment to make to another parent.

In the meantime I would call the local authority and either ask for vacancies or I would put his name down on the waiting list for schools you like.

I would not be confident of this school's safeguarding.

[MadSprocker]

As someone that works in a school, there must be more going on to warrant the threat of exclusion. We had a child at school a few years ago, who swore, bit adults, needed removing from situations, and rarely got excluded. He eventually went to a special unit. Also, children can blatantly lie, particularly if they are getting in trouble. The school will be observing your child, recording any incidents and accidents to build up a bigger picture.

[coco1810]

Just reading your post I felt like it could have been me writing this about my own DS five years ago. Like your son, he was labeled as a bully by one particular teacher. He was blamed as the instigator of all fights in his year group. I spent most of year two in the heads office.

It got to the point where I parked my car by the school at lunch time to watch him and saw that actually he was being surrounded by other boys and harassed and pushed around until he retaliated. I pointed this out to the head but my son was still at fault for retaliating. He was was told to go to the dinner ladies or teachers but he didn't have the ability to express what was happening and by then he was labelled as a bully and it stuck.

We kept him at the school mainly because he is dyslexic and his care package in all honesty could not be replicated at other schools and for two years in a row we had supportive teachers. However, the label stuck with my son and now he's at high school he has to see a councillor because he finds it hard to understand why he was labelled in that way. He proved every body wrong in his last year and has gone from strength to strength since starting high school.

So to finish, if I were you I would change schools. Your child deserves much more than that. They will flourish elsewhere. If I could turn back time, I would listen to my instincts instead of the teachers. I hope that helps x

[Notenoughsleepmumof3]

Definitely move him. This does not sound like a great environment for learning. Be honest with yourself, that your son probably does have some behaviour issues he needs to improve on, but it doesn't sound like it will happen where he is now and it will most likely get worse with time.

The fact that a teacher or TA used the word thick to describe a pupil is very telling about the pastoral care of this school. That is unacceptable and unprofessional, but It happens all the time. In my DC's school teachers have told the kids to shut up, said they were idiots, etc. That sets a terrible example for the children with how to behave towards others.

If the teaching was good, your child would engage more.

Make sure you make the active choice to put things down in writing to the teachers. This is very important. The school will protect themselves before they will protect the child sadly. But, as a parent, you probably need to up your game with what your son needs in terms discipline and what you expect from him. Praise him for the good things he is doing, but equally, he must know it isn't acceptable for him to hurt other children verbally or physically and he needs to hear that not just from the school, but from you as well. If the school doesn't think they are in partnership with you, they will get rid of him as soon as they can legally and they will be quietly building a file on him so when he really messes up he will be out.

You don't want that. Better for you to improve things with him and the school or start again fresh for his sake. But, from what you said, this school doesn't seem worth it.

[Debbie73]

This is all great advice and it's really helped me make my mind up . I am not one usually for change but feel a fresh is the going to be best. I am filling out a in year primary school application for the head to sign , and going from there, there obviously maybe a wait . It does seem that my Ds is singled out and they are not differentiating from a deliberate act and any type of unintentional act when someone gets hurt. . I'm afraid if he is playing football, and someone gets hurt with a tackle or something he'll be in detention for another week or worse some kind of suspension. He is not progressing academically as he should and could . In his book bag I still have work not looked at or marked since before Easter and a books which have'nt been changed either.
At least he only has a couple of months or so left of the school year, with this current teacher.

[Notenoughsleepmumof3]

Debbie, email (so it is written down) the teacher regarding the homework not being marked and the book not being changed. That was/is very common at my DC's primary in London. Be professional about it. Copy in the head of KS1 into the email as well. That will wake them up a bit and you may want to have a meeting regarding his progress before the end of year reports. Voice your concerns. Usually behaviour issues are linked to academic ones and if he is being ignored or overlooked or if he is bored that will be part of the problem. Some of the teachers and TA's at my DC's school have been appalling. They get a new lot in every few years. That's another topic. Not great for the kids.

Then focus on him. Get him to the library, read to him. Read one page and have him read the next. Get books he is interested in. If it is football, find books about it. You can do a lot at home. WH Smith and Poundland have loads of workbooks and you can help him with the Curriculum that way. It will raise his confindence and see that you care about his learning. IME and IMO primary school in London in the early years are so much about socialization. The kids who do wel academicallyl, do well because their parents do extra stuff with them at home. Make it fun. There are a lot of free resources even with government cuts to access and we have all the museums on our doorstep. He'll be more interested if you are as well.

Still move him. Then he can be the kids he probably wants to be and you want him to be as well.

Good luck