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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Primary education

Should I ask for a meeting at school with parents of boy who is bullying my son?

15 replies

southerngirl10 · 07/07/2015 22:33

I've noticed my 5 year old DS's confidence dwindle lately. He cries a lot says he has no friends. Another boy in his class has been telling the others to gang up on him. I've gone to the teacher about it. Should I request a meeting with, the boys parents?

OP posts:

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Wolfiefan · 07/07/2015 22:34

No. The school should deal with this. It wouldn't be normal for the parents to meet.

howtodrainyourflagon · 07/07/2015 23:06

No. How would you feel to be hauled up in front of other parents to hear about the misdemeanours of your child? This is an issue for the school.

Hairylegs007 · 07/07/2015 23:09

Make sure you email the teacher each time there's an incident. If things continue, see the head

SanityClause · 07/07/2015 23:13

Funny, I was talking to DS (11) about this today. He had been bullied by another boy last year, and he mentioned that the other boy didn't seem to have been punished.

I pointed out that the school had done a thorough investigation, and that he was no longer being bullied by this boy (who is a nice boy, actually). So, really, the punishment or consequences for this boy were really none of our business.

I asked him what difference it would make to him to know what had happened to the other boy. DS has the result he needs - no more bullying. So, it wouldn't help him to know if the other boy had got a detention, or whatever.

DS accepted that.

DancingDinosaur · 07/07/2015 23:17

No I wouldn't. Best to leave the school to deal with it.

southerngirl10 · 07/07/2015 23:34

Thank you all so much. I'll go and see the teacher again tomorrow and explain how my son feels, then let her deal with it.

OP posts:

TessDurbeyfield · 07/07/2015 23:44

I agree with the others that you should leave it to the school but I would also keep a written and dated record of any incidents so that you can demonstrate that it is an ongoing problem if things aren't sorted out quickly.

DancingDinosaur · 08/07/2015 00:05

Yes keeping a record is a good idea.

Luna9 · 08/07/2015 08:14

Put it in writing; send a letter to the head teacher and copy the teacher. Had an issue with my dd in year 1; nothing serious but she was not happy with it. I spoke to teacher twice and nothing happened; sent a letter to the head teacher who to it seriously and that was the end of it; she called me straight away; spike to both children including mine and problem solved

flashbunny73 · 08/07/2015 11:23

Yes if you get no joy with the teacher, go to the Head, if still nothing I would take it up with the governors.

DeeWe · 08/07/2015 12:53

What do you think would happen from a meeting?
Either:
Other parents say "ours is a precious darling and does no wrong": no help to you
or
other parents feeling terribly guilty spend the time apologising which whereas may be very rewarding for you, won't actually help
or
other parents say "okay maybe he was doing that but did you know your child did...." and you'll probably end up in an arguement which also is no help.

The teacher can keep an eye on the situation, which may be as your ds says, but may have a lot more to it than he knows, and deal with incidents as they happen, or before they happen, which would be much more productive.

Millymollymama · 08/07/2015 15:02

Or the other parents don't show up. Or the other parents are intimidating and threatening. Or maybe Dad is in prison and Mum is a drug addict? The difficulties are endless. You have done the right thing be leaving it to the school and as they are only 5 years old, there is still a lot of learning how to behave and socialising to be done. I am sure the school can deal with this.

VerityWaves · 08/07/2015 15:05

Oh definitely not a meeting with parents over this. Let the school deal with it.

meadowquark · 09/07/2015 00:02

My son is a bit of a bully (Y2), but he has behavioural difficulties and the school and myself are dealing with it. You as a parent would not know. If another parent requested a meeting I would end up apologizing but I cannot instruct my child not to bully others more than I already do, we are working on it anyway. Just let the school know

Laura0806 · 09/07/2015 11:33

Funny, the school actually suggested a meeting with the parents and the girl who is bullying mine but I agree with all the above comments. My daughter is already terribly upset and distressed and this would make it so much worse in my opinion. I think the school needs to take it out of the childrens hands and deal with it

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