Ds (5) doesn't like school

[runlikeagirl]

He tells me every so often he doesn't like school. He doesn't make a huge fuss about going, ta says he seems very happy when he's there. But he's always asking me how many more days he has to go to school, and why does he have to go to school, and that he just doesn't like it.

He says he likes playing, but not phonics, maths, PE, making things etc. He's 5 and the oldest in the class, early September birthday. He says he's not good at anything (trying to get him to do his reading books is a challenge.

All his friends both in this school and others seems to love school, I don't really know what to do.

[RandomMess]

Speak to the teacher, tell them about how unhappy he is when he talks about school and how he feels - they need to know. It's a partnership with the teacher/school, ask them how they feel he has settled.

[Almostapril]

Have you had his eyes and ears checked? Is there anything that might be making it harder for him?

[runlikeagirl]

We have his eyes checked every six months. The optician says he has a slight astigmatism, but not enough to be able to treat at the moment, but that he will need glasses in future.

We queried his hearing with school last term, partly to do with him ignoring us sometimes (!) and his mispronunciation of words, but they said there was no problem.

We did talk to them a few months ago about him being unhappy, and they seemed very surprised, said he was much happier at school and always taking part. He does cry sometimes at school, usually associated with feeling he can't do something, or doesn't have time to finish something. These have reduced according to school. He still gets upset by new things (they do house days with the older children)

[Almostapril]

Has he got friends there? Maybe he just finds it very tiring

[runlikeagirl]

Yeah, he has good friends. He likes playing, but he doesn't like the 'work'- phonics and maths. The teacher says she is working them harder and he is finding that difficult. He worries a lot about getting things wrong and not being able to finish.

[Almostapril]

That's starting to sound more like confidence issue

[runlikeagirl]

Yeah we've talked a lot about how it's not important if you get it right, but that you try because that's how you learn etc. Any confidence building tips.

[Almostapril]

Not from me sadly as my 2 are generally very confident! My DC2 however is likely to give up easily if he can't do stuff tho which I'll need to keep an eye on. He's 4 and in nursery but have noticed it recently. He opts out if he can't be bothered with stuff that's hard. My older one will keep trying to prove she can do it. I suspect when he is in reception I will have the same issue as you!!!

[smee]

Aw, he sounds a bit overwhelmed. On the things he's struggling with, tell him kids all develop at different times. Trying is what matters, but some children just click earlier than others, so the children who are flying now he'll probably leapfrog in a year or so's time. Is he young for his year? That can make a massive difference I think. Also he might just be finding it very tiring still. I used to occasionally keep my son off for a day - I'd tell him he was sick but actually he was just exhausted. It was a nightmare as it meant me missing a day of work, but it always made a huge difference to him and how much he enjoyed school when he went back.

[Ferguson]

Here are a couple of things could help:

ONE - An inexpensive and easy to use book, that can encourage children with reading, spelling and writing, and really help them to understand Phonics, is reviewed in the MN Book Reviews section. Just search ‘Phonics’.


TWO - ?Practical things are best for grasping number concepts - bricks, Lego, beads, counters, money, shapes, weights, measuring, cooking.

Do adding, taking away, multiplication (repeated addition), division (sharing), using REAL OBJECTS as just 'numbers' can be too abstract for some children.

Number Bonds of Ten forms the basis of much maths, so try to learn them. Using Lego or something similar, use a LOT of bricks (of just TWO colours, if you have enough) lay them out so the pattern can be seen of one colour INCREASING while the other colour DECREASES. Lay them down, or build up like steps.

So:

ten of one colour none of other
nine of one colour one of other
eight of one colour two of other
seven of one colour three of other
etc,
then of course, the sides are equal at 5 and 5; after which the colours 'swap over' as to increasing/decreasing.

To learn TABLES, do them in groups that have a relationship, thus:

x2, x4, x8

x3, x6, x12

5 and 10 are easy

7 and 9 are rather harder.

Starting with TWO times TABLE, I always say: "Imagine the class is lining up in pairs; each child will have a partner, if there is an EVEN number in the class. If one child is left without a partner, then the number is ODD, because an odd one is left out."

Use Lego bricks again, lay them out in a column of 2 wide to learn 2x table. Go half way down the column, and move half the bricks up, so that now the column is 4 bricks wide. That gives the start of 4x table.

Then do similar things with 3x and 6x.

With 5x, try and count in 'fives', and notice the relationship with 'ten' - they will alternate, ending in 5 then 10.

It is important to try and UNDERSTAND the relationships between numbers, and not just learn them 'by rote'.

An inexpensive solar powered calculator (no battery to run out!) can help learn tables by 'repeated addition'. So: enter 2+2 and press = to give 4. KEEP PRESSING = and it should add on 2 each time, giving 2 times table.

There are good web sites, which can be fun to use :

//www.ictgames.com/

www.woodlands-junior.kent.sch.uk/page/default.asp?title=Woodlands%20Junior%20School&pid=1

[Ferguson]

If he is in Reception he probably won't have done much of the Numeracy stuff yet, so don't 'push' it, but just keep it in reserve for when he is bit older.

Does he do colouring, Lego, junk modelling, cutting out at home? Encouraging things like that is good for concentration.

[runlikeagirl]

He is very focused when playing. He loves lego and small world imagination stuff. He will happily play for hours completely immersed in the 'world' he has created using lego, Knights, dinosaurs etc.

I do try and practice numbers and phonics with him using games, lego, real things but he just won't engage and does silly answers eg "oh look ds I've got 3 bananas, but there are 4 of us, how many more do I need?" he will answer "mmm 150" and grin at me.

Dh talked to the TA yesterday and she felt that it could be that the other boys are very boisterous and competitive, he is more reserved. There are 16 boys and 8 girls in the class. She agreed that it was sad that he felt he wasn't good at anything.

[Almostapril]

Are there only 24 in year? That was always my concern about small schools - there are limited friendship circles if your child doesn't always gel with the others. My DS will also play for hours in his own world'

[runlikeagirl]

Yeah I can see that now. There is only one primary near us that does two class intake and it isn't very good. I also worried that ds would get overwhelmed with too many people.

[Almostapril]

That's a shame. I have a sporty, boyish totally non girly girl so opted for a large school. There are at least 6 other girls like her within a sea of princess and ballet loving twirling girlies (and some several who are in the middle).

[idril]

My son was/is like that. He would just far rather have been playing or doing fun stuff than doing "work".

He's 9 now and still says he hates school but he's not unhappy. He has good friends and enjoys the social side of things and what he sees as the fun bits of school (p.e., swimming, dressing up days, school trips, I.T) but despite being at the very top end of the class academic wise, he still hates the work.

[jwpetal]

My son hated school and did not want to do any of the work. We did not push him particularly at home. We let him develop at his own pace and not at the pace of the school, other parents ideas, newspaper scare stories etc. We offered and if he said 'no' we let it go. We kept reading everyday and making the stories really fun. He is now in year 3 and is doing very well. He is an avid reader and has the most amazing imagination. He would rather play all day, but will do the work as he knows he can play at home. If you have checked his hearing and sight and there appears to be no concerns, perhaps he just needs time. Don't push, encourage, show him how you do things and keep trying.