DS sent to 'pastoral care advisor' 1st week in reception

[Guntons]

First time post from me - sorry for essay!
My DS has been sent to see the pastoral care advisor today, because he didn't help tidy up the classroom at the end of the day. (He was dancing instead).

He's a bit upset about it and has said several times since coming home from school that he doesn't want to go to tomorrow, or ever again!

I'm torn between feeling disappointed that he has not followed his class rules, and upset that after a great start in reception he now feels unhappy.

I also feel its a bit harsh so early on to discipline a just-4 yr old, but understand the rules are there for a reason, which we've talked about with him.
He has some sensory processing issues which I've made the school aware of but we don't have a diagnosis and as its so early in his schooling we are waiting to see if/how it affects his learning.

I'm also pregnant so hormones and emotions all over the place, so I'm not dealing with this very well!

Any advice on a coping strategy welcome.

[OddBoots]

I'm surprised that's something that needs someone other than the teacher to have a word with him. What does/did the pastoral care advisor do, is it just someone to have a chat with him?

[MerryMarigold]

Is this a private school? I would assume the pastoral care advisor would be there to help with problems the children have and talk them through (bullying, low self esteem etc.). It seems odd he/ she was used as a punishment. Unless it wasn't a punishment.

My ds1 has sensory processing issues. It doesn't mean that when he is asked to tidy up that he can get away with not doing it. Yes, he does find it hard to follow instructions, but I assume he was asked more than once.

In my experience it is very hard when your eldest goes to YR. It felt like the longest year of my life. I have just had my twins go through YR and it flew by! I would talk to the teacher, find out what happened exactly from her perspective so you can better explain it to your ds, let her know he was quite upset by it (this is not necessarily a bad thing, unless his behaviour was beyond his control) and ask her to let you know if he is disciplined in school.

[Moreisnnogedag]

I can well imagine a 4 yr old converting a chat with a new adult into a bollocking.

[Laundryangel]

Have you just had your DS' side of the story? I just think it could just be a coincidence. The meeting with the pastoral person could have been prearranged for the end of the day which just happened to be after he was told off for not tidying up.

[Guntons]

I think I will speak to the class teacher or TA tomorrow, and find out a bit more about what happened. From what I can gather from the information the school has sent during the first week, the class have a set of rules they have all agreed on, if they don't follow the rules they have 2 chances to improve before being sent to see the PCA. I'm a bit confused by the whole thing really , I need to get more info when I'm not feeling so emotional about it!

[Guntons]

For the record - my sons issues/condition is definitely not an excuse for him not following rules. Other than writing a short paragraph in 'things we should know' document we were asked to complete before he started, it hasn't yet been formally discussed with the school. We've only been aware of SPD for a short while so dealing with that and starting school is a little overwhelming to say the least!

[tribpot]

Frankly I think most of us would rather be dancing than tidying up! My ds would have found this incredibly upsetting, he became distraught in reception when someone else had been told off (and indeed in nursery when someone else got put in time out). Surely this doesn't warrant a 'chat' with anyone, really hoping your ds has misunderstood what's happened. You do not need to defend a 4-year-old against a charge of disobeying the rules. Jesus, if you can't do it when you're 4, when can you do it?!

[BramwellBrown]

Before you get too upset, ask the teacher or TA what happened, what a 4 year old tells you and what actually happened are often very different things, it could just be the PCA happened to be in the room and happened to be the one who told him to stop dancing and tidy up, or it could be it was a TA not the PCA at all, or maybe it was nothing to do with dancing and tidying up at all.

My DD was adamant she'd been told off and sent out of class for sneezing in reception and had been left in the cloakroom for ages, she hadn't, the TA had asked her if she wanted to go get a tissue.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Hope your little boy went in cheerfully, how did things go today?

[Doodledot]

We had similar with an over wired child in week 1. School took a firm line and it worked. Just think of it as part of the learning

[littlejohnnydory]

You need to have a formal talk with his teacher and SENCO about his sensory processing difficulty. My DS has similar, and whilst he has improved a lot, at the age of 4 he would not have taken in a verbal instruction to tidy up. Has your DS been assessed by a Speech and Language Therapist? A report might be useful for the school.

My DS doesn't get away with not doing things - but simple things like using hand gestures to go with instructions, visual routines and PECS cards have enabled him to follow the instruction without difficulty.

I'd have a chat to the teacher and find out what happened from their point of view. Hopefully you'll both then be able to explain to him that it wasn't a punishment but that you all need to help him understand what's expected? If it was a punishment, then that needs addressing as it doesn't sound appropriate at all.

[Guntons]

Thanks for the comments! Since this happened DS has gone to school ok, quite happy and had only 'good days' since Monday. So hopefully that little visit to PCA has worked. I spoke to the TA and she reassured me my son hasn't been the only child who has been sent to see the PCA so early in term, it really is to set the boundaries from day 1. He's been getting on fine, but I am anxious to get him assessed for SPD, just not sure who I need to speak to at the school. From what I gather the TA is working quite closely with him, but his condition I'd say is mild & there are children in his class who have more severe learning issues so I doubt his would be a priority. He doesn't have any problems with speech or communication, just lacks understanding at times. (My sister is a paediatric SLT & it was her who told me about SPD in relation to some of his other behavioural issues). His condition seems to be more on the tactile/physical contact side where he craves physical activity, rough & tumble games, bear hugs etc, & he dislikes anything concerning holding a crayon. My concern is that being at school for 6 hours he's not getting the physical contact he craves so by the end of the day, or 'tidying up time', he just can't focus on simple tasks.

[Doodledot]

Great news and i think you are right. I have to walk / cycle etc my DCs to school early and let them run wild in the playground for 15 mins to burn off steam before school starts - at least 30-40 mins of outside play before 9am