ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
How to deal with post parent consultation boasting(57 Posts)
I hate the way some parents boast about their dcs levels post parent consultations! I usually just listen, smile politely and grunt some sort of approval. I know that these parents are dying to compare their children's achievements with mine, but I refuse to engage in this stupid game.
It actually gets on my nerves so much that I am tempted to say "Level 3? That is wonderful for your child, isn't it? Little13 is actually a level 4, but I don't like to boast about it." I am too much of a wuss, though, and might have to resign myself to venting here and keeping quiet irl. Like most of the time when I can't be bothered to point out to people how much crap they are spouting.
Thanks for listening, rant over
When they say "my DC is level 1234567890" smile sympathetically and rely "how are the school going to help him/her catch up" then walk away.
Parents do try to draw me into conversations about levels though, but I don't bite. DD & DS are both in top groups in class, so the other parents often want to know what reading level DS is on etc. I just say I don't know, which tbh I don't. One parent told me what reading level DS was on, which I was a bit at and I quickly got the measure of her and stay clear of!
Like is said, it's not a competition, but it would be nice to be able to be publicly proud if your DC is strong academically.
Tbh I've always found the opposite. DD has always been streets ahead of other DC and while I have to listen to boasting about sporting or dance achievements, it's very much frowned on if someone should say something about how well their DC is doing academically. On Facebook I'm always reading about how someone's DC scored a hat trick or came first in a swimming race or has been described as a natural dancer. But heaven forbid if you say you're proud of your DC because they came top in a test.
One of DS's friends is a very a high achiever and the other parents are all very sniffy and nasty about it. I always engage the parents in conversation about how well he's doing and let them celebrate how clever their DS is. I don't see it as a slight on my DS. He's good at other things and it's not a competition.
ffs stupid phone!
then once my closest friends have had their parents evening I get the same phone call but its not always a boast its also an "I need to let of steam" conversation depends on what the teachers had to say
I always call my closest friends and ask if its a good time to do a bit of boasting re parents evening and then once
I've got a friend who always puts stuff like this on face book. But she also posted a photo of her Valentines cards, so she obviously needs the affirmation....
Intheshed, I hate that too. Even I haven't got much if a grasp of the different levels in our school (is it just ours or does each school have many various reading schemes - Oxford reading tree, snapdragons, rugby rockets etc?).
I have absolutely no idea what a 'turquoise level 7' level is? (Or whatever they say)
I never discuss reading levels/maths levels with parents at school.
I hate the FB boasting too. The worst time is the end of year school report boasting. Even my sister half way across the world indulged in this is the worst way last year. Everyone's child is amazing and brilliant and a genius it seems.
The only time I've discussed parents evening is with other good friends with dcs the same age who go to different schools, and then it's only because something the teacher said has worried me or my dc isn't doing well at something and I need a chat about it with someone's opinion I respect.
Most of my school mums don't indulge at all in boasting to be fair (except end of year stealth FB boasting). There's only one mum who's awful for it and I avoid her like the plague. We have a two form entry and her dc is in the other class. From Reception to Y1 she spread huge rumours that her dc's class was the higher level class, told everyone our dcs class weren't using phonics to learn (as they were incapable etc). Her just deserts came one afternoon when we had been invited into school in small groups so the teacher could explain to us how they teach them reading, techniques to use, questions to ask etc. Boasting mum was in my group, including my dd's friends mum (same class as dd). Boasting mum looked slightly mental when my dd's friend came into class with 'The Hobbit'.....her son was doing ok but definitely still working his way through the levels.
Haven't heard much from her after that
Thankfully the worst offender I know for this is my neighbour whose DS is at a different school. They have completely different colour coding for their reading books so when she says 'oh I'm so proud, DS is on the black dot books now' I can honestly just smile and nod and tell her I don't have a clue what that means!
I think you are unlucky with the parents at school. I've never had that conversation about a parents evening, everyone just says it went ok if asked or have a little moan about something!
I just say "Oh yeah? ?Was your appointment on time/didn't Mrs X look knackered/it's lovely looking through all their work" etc. And change the subject.
I can also pull off the "I have no idea what level he's on" look.
I cut anybody like this dead. Look through them and wander off. I know I am being extremely rude but I find talking/bragging/asking about levels vulgar. Just as I would find anyone talking about money in a braggy way vulgar. Walk away.
I thought the levels were supposed to be for the teachers to work out how to differentiate planning for their class, rather than for parents to discuss deeply?
I can top that. My child is the brightest in the universe, no, the brightest in the universe and beyond, twice.
'A' probably means absent!!
I've only had one parent tell me post Parents' Consultation that the teacher had told her that her son was the brightest in the class, the brightest child she has ever taught in Reception year and probably the brightest in his year.
i can "never remember" dd1's levels/book band etc
although i am quite dim generally, which makes it easier to pull this one off
I've got a couple of close friends I've discussed 'levels' with (mainly because none of us understood what they meant but otherwise wouldn't dream of mentioning them.
There's only one mum at my dc's school who tries to engage me in discussion and I do the nod, smile and change subject technique.
I would just say-'I'm not bothered about levels-it isn't a race'.
What do you do if another parent asks though? There is a very competetive mum with a boy in dgs1's class [Yr1] and she alwayys makes a beeline for me to ask about dgs' levels,reading book etc.
She doesn't ask my dd on her pickup days but must think I am a soft touch.
I don't want to say "I don't know." My ds-i-l just says,"Oh he is brilliant we are so proud of him!" Then he manages to leave quickly.
This lady's ds tended to 'pick on' dgs when the boy started the school [September] but dgs has many friends and just ignored it.
It is annoying and I ignore it (though it is rare at DD's school).
It annnoys me that the parents seem to talk about it as though their child is a thing there to reflect well on them - and it puts pressure on the child to feel they have to keep making their parents proud - I do sometimes wonder what the children want - not at DD's school but at her drama class....when the child seems considerably less thrilled with things than the parent.
I also wonder what the parents will do when the child doesn't do well and they can't boast?
I don't raise it with parents at school.
DC1 is widely known to be well ahead of her class. I don't raise this topic
Er, you just did.
DC1 is widely known to be well ahead of her class. I don't raise this topic but other parents often interrogate her about her work - drives me nuts. We had a recent parents evening and I've been asked repeatedly how it went. I've been quite curt and noncommittal. I don't need to boast and I'm not interested in how their children are doing. Not engaging drives these parents nuts.
DC2 is in Reception. It would seem that that cohort of parents assume this child is opposite end of the spectrum - when actually they are similar academically. We're more concerned with DC2's social acclimatisation. However, I'm letting other parents assume the worst of this child because I can't bare the competition.
The thing is that everyone who raises the issue says their child had a wholly positive report which leads me to think that no one gets a bad report so I can't see what there is to really compete over anyway.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.