The Horror of School

[HolidayBear]

My youngest had just turned 4 when he had to legally start school. He has never found it easy and always looks to be in shock at the end of the day.

After revealing he was being bullied I hoped things would get better, but the opposite is happening.

I have to physically carry him from house to car, and from car to classroom. He cries everytime I have to leave him, today he went to hide in the corner of the library, goodness knows how long he was there before he was noticed.

He has become aggressive, shouts and screams a lot, has chewed his fingernails to the quick, breaks out in excema round his mouth and wets the bed most night.

I am horrified that i am puttin my precious boy in a terrible dark place, and that this awful start to school is going to ruin the rest of his educational lilfe.

He was born early, had he waited he would not have been at school till this september, but as he was poorly he was removed by c-section early.

What are my rights to ask for him to be sent back to preschool for the rest of this school year and start reception again in Sep 13, when he is a full five year old? I have parents night this week and would hope if there is a way to do this for him, that his teacher would help me in this mission.

If i didn't have a six year old who loves school and would go 7 days a week, i'd withdraw the young'un and home school, but the rivalry would make that impossible and I don't think i could keep up with the older one, he is like Daddy Pig, an expert on everything!

So, thank you for reading this demanding first post from me, I hope you can offer me some advice as to my legal rights to have him held or put back a year, I think it would do him so much good, he could relax and be the lovely little boy he was before. Holiday Bear x

[spanky2]

You need to find out what the school are doing to address the bullying . I am not sure what your rights are but I think you need to speak to his teacher. I hope that things improve . Could there be any other issues e.g sensory disorders or autism which could make it harder. My Ds1 was July born and we know now dyslexic and I often wonder if I should have kept him back a year . I recognise the shellshocked .

[DeWe]

Generally (assuming you're in England) it is very hard to keep them back a year. Also they will be allocating places for next year's reception shortly, and unless it's an undersubscribed school, he can't take the class numbers over 30.
I think as far as rights in that, you have none. The preschool can't take on an extra child if they have no spaces, the school can't reserve a space for him, or decide they are teaching him in year R unless there are spaces, and there's a high chance that the secondary (unless you're going private) will only take him at 11yo.
Sorry, if that sounds negative, but it is generally fairly rigid. You will hear of people that have managed to do it, but they are the exception, and often have exceptional circumstances. One of your problems is that it would take time to agree this, and by then the reception places will have been allocated.

Could you homeschool him for the rest of the year and start him in a different school?

Just if you start him in the same school, there's a very high chance he will be recognised by his own year, which, I would have thought could arise more problems.
If your 6yo loves school they may both feel they have the better end of the bargain and actually help sibling rivalries, because they each feel they've got one up.

[mummytime]

If your older son loves school, then why would it create rivalry if the younger one was HEd? Have you talked to your older son about your younger ones problems with school?

Have you discussed with the school the issues with getting him to school? Have you been in contact with the EWO, they should give advice not just punish you if you can't get your son in school.
Take him to the GP and get a referral to a paediatrician or maybe CAMHS.

Another group who maybe able to help is your local Parent Partnership.

Good luck!

[RaisinBoys]

Second what mummytime says.

Push school to address the bullying. If you've had no joy with the classteacher make an appt with the Head or key stage Leader, get a copy of the anti-bullying Policy and ask how specifically the school leadership are going to safeguard your son whilst he is in their care.

I know it can be patchy but CAMHS was amazing for my son. 6 weeks of talking and art therapy and he is a different child. Less anxious and more able to express his feelings in an appropriate way.

I hope things get better for your little one soon.

[HolidayBear]

Thank you all for taking the time to reply, even though it's not what i wanted to hear :(

School are aware of bullying and keeping an eye on it. I'm just distraught that he is so unhappy and so unwilling, and that because of the law my lovely little boy is being turned into an unhappy worried creature with a grudge against authority which he will carry with him for life.

[RaisinBoys]

HolidayBear he needn't carry this with him for life.

This was my DS in Reception and I felt so guilty making him go to school and feel so bad.

Scroll forward. We are now in Y5. He loves school. The very same school. He has a healthy respect for authority (a bit too much tbh) and is not the sad, angry, frustrated, mixed up little man that he was.

Speak to school/GP - there is help out there.

[HolidayBear]

Hi, yes we're in England, class teacher is lower school head. I think there will be places in reception next year, it's a very good school and don't want to change. Have just looked up CAMHS, would they help in getting him put back? I have an appointment with the health visitor tomorrow so will ask her for a referral, and discuss it with teacher at parents night on wed. Thank you all again for replying :) HolidayBear.

[mummytime]

Putting back will be virtually impossible, and anyway may not solve the problem at all. Don't set on this as a solution.

You may not be able to get him put back a year (and there is a lot of research to say that it is a bad thing anyway). BUT you should be able to get all the professionals to work together to get him attending school and being okay/happy. There are things they should be doing, there are ways they should be helping.

BTW "keeping an eye on bullying" doesn't sound like a very strong response to me.

[HolidayBear]

Thank you RaisinBoys, you give me some hope :)

[learnandsay]

I guess it depends on what the keeping an eye involves. If it means looking out for it and stopping it then that's part of the right solution. If it means watching it happen then that isn't.

[HolidayBear]

Mummytime, your post is helpful, thank you, I am going to have to be very determined at parents night, I usually keep in the shadows and don't like to draw attention to my self but this is going to make me come into the light and speak up and demand something more is done. Now I am dreading that as much as he dreads school !

[trinity0097]

It sound alike he has also got himself in a pattern of behaviour, could you get someone else (e.g. Dad or a grandfather) to drop him at school each morning for a while, so that it breaks the cycle of it being you that gets him into school? Whilst there are other issues here children do learn behaviour and children that have problems with coming to school often play up to Mum but are much better for someone else.