DS STILL has no friends and is now in year 1...

(35 Posts)
AngryFeet Fri 23-Nov-12 20:27:57

But he says he doesn't care so should I be bothered?

The boys have teased him constantly since reception even though the teachers have been very aware and tried to stop it but in the playground it seems to be a bit of a free for all. They seem to gang up and wind him up so now he is starting to lash out (often in retaliation) and is getting in trouble for it. He has a few SEN (speech problems, poor motor skills) which we are getting a lot of help for via school and privately. He seems quite immature and inarticulate compared to other boys his age and to be honest I think it would have been good to hold him back a year as he wasn't really ready for school but it wasn't an option.

He is perfectly happy to play by himself and says he doesn't care that he has no friends and wouldn't be interested in moving to another school or class. He is a bit behind with reading etc but is coming along pretty well and enjoys learning.

I have invited a few boys for play dates but they are rarely reciprocated and he hardly ever gets invited to birthday parties that all the other boys are invited to.

Do I just leave it and let him be considering he is happy as he is?

mrslaughan Sat 24-Nov-12 19:28:58

"winding up" is bullying when it is constant.... It is just not acceptable. If the teachers haven't stopped it, but they know it is going on, they are not trying hard enough - lazy fucks! The other children need to know that it is absolutely not acceptable, Sorry I have a son with dyspraxia ( so unco-ordinated) and has some minor speech issues. We have has a similar thing in the past and it a. Have a huge long term effect. He is now at a school where it is absolutely not acceptable , and he is thriving in every way.
If they are allowing this to carry on they are not doing everything for him socially.
Also DS would have said he was fine and happy, but he wasn't really.

Gooseysgirl Sat 24-Nov-12 19:45:57

Sorry but the school should definitely be doing more to support your son and cracking down on the bullying behaviour. The class teacher needs to persist with addressing these issues using strategies such as Circle Time. If he was a bit older I would suggest a 'Circle of Friends' intervention led by the learning mentor (info on Inclusive Solutions website). I also agree it is worth looking at a managed move to another school if your gut instinct is telling you to do so. Some classes have better dynamics than others and you might find in another school there is a friendlier Year 1 group. I don't believe that he doesn't care if he has no friends..

bigTillyMint Sat 24-Nov-12 19:46:46

Oh AngryFeet sad

I agree. If the teachers know what is going on and they aren't stopping it and providing other options for him at playtime and lunchtime with more supervised play, etc, then they are failing him sad

However, it does sound like they have identified that he has some SEN's. Have you had a Paediatric Assessment and/or any other assessments done?

Journey Sat 24-Nov-12 20:34:25

It sounds to me as if he is being bullied. I'd start looking at other schools because what his current school is trying to do doesn't appear to be working. If your ds was in my dc's school with his SEN issues he would not be experiencing this. Please look at other schools for him.

From experience boys with speech problems quite often play with girls. I don't know if it's because if they notice any differences they just think it is because they're a girl and he's a boy so accept it more - who knows! I'd look at what girls in his class he might get on with and arrange a playdate with them.

Tgger Sat 24-Nov-12 20:44:49

Yes, please do not "put up". Depends on how strongly you feel, but from what you have said if this was my DS I would be looking at different schools. It's too important not to do anything- not that you haven't but the school don't seem to be delivering..

simpson Sat 24-Nov-12 21:28:17

I would second what somebody else said and look into after school activities ie beavers etc...

You may find that some of his class mates do it too but in a smaller group he may get on with them better.

DS (yr3) is very shy and beavers has worked wonders,he loves it.

I would definately talk to the teacher too and see what their take on it is.

Goldenjubilee10 Sun 25-Nov-12 09:07:45

Ds1(17) has ADHD and didn't have any friends in primary school. Unlike your ds he didn't have any problems with the other children and was never shy,
but didn't play with anyone either. I invited children to play and he would 'play' a computer game with them but always seemed quite pleased when they went home. Often invited children would end up playing with ds2. Strangely enough he played with ds2.

Once he went to secondary school he seemed to meet more 'like minded' children to 'socialise' with and over the last few years he has gathered quite a large number of friends, goes out with them and goes to parties. He occasionally brings someone home but that is fairly rare. He gets on well with both girls and boys.

I think the school should try to sort out the bullying though.

RooneyMara Sun 25-Nov-12 09:17:40

Oh your poor lad. And poor you.

I don't know if it's been suggested but when there was a little boy in ds1's class who had some SN, the teachers finally implemented a circle of friends system. it involved some class discussion (without him present) and then a rota being set up so that everyone took a turn at being his friend for the day and playing with him.

He's a lovely boy but he was stuck with one particular friend and said friend was finding it a bit much.

The system worked brilliantly and he now has loads of friends in the class. He'swell looked after by them all and they seem willing and ready to understand and accept and accommodate his difficulties.

Maybe this is worth suggesting. I think it's a 'thing' ie a recognised intervention that they should be able to find a lot of resources about if they are committed to helping him.

(clicked on thread as ds2 says he has no friends and no one will play with him - so reading with interest.)

tricot39 Sun 25-Nov-12 09:27:52

i havent read the whole thread but you must be really worried. have you tried reading books like "how to be a friend" with him? he might just need a little help with the dos and donts. good luck

HoleyGhost Sun 25-Nov-12 09:34:45

I don't think ReallyTired's dire prognosis is evidence based.

However your ds is clearly unhappy. Break the problem down - the school need to stop the taunting, he also would benefit from a chance to build friendships (maybe outside of school)

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