DS (5) is becoming the 'weird kid' of the class. I just don't know what to do :(

[AngryFeet]

DS started reception in September after a year at the school nursery and a year before that at playschool (two mornings a week). He is a lovely little boy but he is standing out as different from his class members and he had the same problem in nursery. Examples are:-

His speech is not great. He is still unable to pronounce g and k and he mumbles a lot. He is having speech therapy in school and I am going to start him on private therapy as the NHS SALT in this area is rubbish.

He seems to play by himself most of the time. He struggles to relate to the other children. I am not sure why as he gets on very well with his sister and I have given him lots of opportunity to play with other kids since he was a baby but he seems to find them annoying most of the time.

He can't sit cross legged and has some other gross motor issues so he can't sit on the floor with the others at carpet time. Instead he has his own chair which is great as now he concentrates on the teacher (before he was wriggling around trying to get comfy) but the other kids are very aware of him being different.

He gets very excited and flaps his hands up and down or from side to side whilst jumping on the spot

He is not getting reading at all yet really. He can remember most of his letters but no sounds like sh, ch etc and blending is completely beyond him. His handwriting is coming along nicely. To be honest though most of the educational stuff is not as important to me right now as the social aspect as long as he is progressing and the fact is he is only young.

I have witnessed several incidents of kids refusing to sit next to him, telling him to go away, saying he smells (he doesn't, I make very sure of it), looking at him like he is odd, ignoring him when he tries to speak to them.

The school are fantastic and are trying so hard to help him. They have put him into a small group with the SENCO every week where they go off and do work on speech and on socialising. They have also referred him to an occupational therapist for his motor issues. I told his teacher today about the teasing I had witnessed and she was clearly upset for him and will be having a word with the class (without DS present) about it. There are two boys he does sort of get on with but they are in other classes, his lovely teacher is having them come and play with DS today to see how they get along :)

I am just so worried about him. DD had a few issues of teasing but they were more just girly bitchyness and she is quite popular and happy in school. DS is not unhappy to be there (I don't think) but he certainly doesn't love it. I drop him off every morning and he looks so lost. I don't think he is unhappy, I actually think he is very unaware of it all but I know that won't last long. If I ask him if he likes the children in his class or if they are nice to him he just says "I don't know".

His teacher just said he is immature. He is a Feb baby but acts much younger in many respects. She said sometimes there are children who should really have stayed in nursery for an extra year and DS is one of those, but our education system doesn't work that way sadly.

I think he is getting a label for himself already and I don't know how to help him. I feel i have failed to prepare him properly and now he will suffer possibly his entire school life because of that.

Sorry this was so long. I have so much going around in my head and I don't know where to start.

[AngryFeet]

Bump

[MissKeithLemon]

aww, poor ds and poor you, I feel for you. Have you thought about inviting one of his classmates round for tea? it might help if some of his peers get to know him away from the classroom, so that they become his 'allies' (for want of a better word) in class? fwiw I think that all the kids in reception will cahnge and mature quite quickly over the next couple of years and once they are all more comfortable with each other it may change how they are with him, kids are usually very accepting of differences etc and am sure if he's happy enough it will all settle soon!

[Longtallsally]

No expert here but bumping this for you as I didn't want it to go ignored. You could try reposting in SN as the hand flapping description is something I know other MNetters have written about/experience of and you will get good advice from them.

You might like to try a different title too. I know that you are being ironic - you are describing how you think other children may see your son, but it sounds a little as if you are agreeing with them. Deep down, you know that he is precious and an individual and someone you love - if he is having problems at school, he will need you to shout that out all the more, as you stand by him in the next few years. How other people see him will be one of the challenges, of course.

Hope that you find some concrete advice and support here soon. (His teacher sounds lovely btw)

[AngryFeet]

Thanks, I will repost on the SN board.

I used the 'weird kid' as a description as how they see him not how I do. It just seemed the best way to describe the situation.

So I just go to the GP and what do I say? This is the problem, there doesn't seem to be an obvious problem. Autism I have looked at but so much doesn't fit. He walked at 8.5 months, started speaking soon after, is affectionate, looks people he knows in the eye but struggles with others. I often feel like he got to 3 years old and stopped developing. I have said to a friend that it barely seems he has changed in the last 2 years.

How do you get a multidisciplinary assessment?

Sorry, I will repost to SN now :)

[NotMostPeople]

DS had a boy in his class who was much like you describe and whilst it was true that he didn't particularly want to play with this boy he'd say 'well X is one of the younger ones'. He just thought he was a bit babyish and DS being a November birthday is one of the older ones. I wonder if the children in your DS's class see him like this rather than weird. It's so much more noticeable in the younger years but they'll even out as it goes on and boys tend not to hold on to the past so he's every likely to be accepted once he catches up - which he will.

[kicker]

DS 1 was the different one in his class. He was ignored, ridiculed and not invited to parties etc and there was nothing much I could do to change the situation so I moved him at the end of year 2.
He's much happier. The children in his new school didn't have any preconceived ideas about him and he's settled in very well.
Sometimes a class does not fit a particular child.
I am very pleased the way he's come on academically but also socially, (I think immaturity played a big part because he was the youngest in the class by at least 4 months). Of course if he has SN you need to get those issues addressed but sometimes a fresh start is the best thing you can give to your child in their school career.

[AngryFeet]

Thanks kicker. I am happy to do that if necessary. It would be hard admittedly as DD is in y2 so drop offs etc would be hard. Another option would be to move him to another class in the same year as he does have a child he gets on with in each of those classes. Not sure if the school would allow it though.

I just am unsure how long to give it? I don't want to disrupt him now if he is actually ok and going to be fine in the long run. They are all still so young after all.

I wish I knew how he felt. He never answers my questions of how he is getting on. I don't like to nag him too much over it so I ask him every few weeks.

The fact is he has never told me he is unhappy. I am the one who is unhappy by the way he is being treated but he doesn't seem to care at all.

[AngryFeet]

He is a lot better with other children out of the classroom. We have had a few playdates and they have gotten along well. The classroom and all the children seem a bit much for him to be honest.

[kicker]

I know the logistics of dropping and picking up can be difficult. (I have a DD in yr1 at the original school but she is happy there, another school and a DS2 in preschool too).

He may not articulate he's unhappy but if people are ignoring and shunning him his self esteem will be taking a battering.
I used to ask DS if he was OK and happy at school. He would never say he was unhappy even though he could see he was being hurt by the other children. It's only now he's moved that he's told me how much he hated the first school.
Handflapping could be a sign of stress because he's trying to get words out (DS used to do this too). I paid for an assessment at an ed psych too. Nothing conclusive.
It's the system unfortunately that doesn't fit all. I wish I had pushed to move him sooner to be honest but primary places around here are as rare as hen's teeth. I was prepared to home educate too if his current school hadn't worked out. Luckily everything has clicked: a very experienced class teacher and a nicer bunch of children in his class has made a huge difference.

Hope you get something sorted. It's a horrible feeling watching your child not 'fit in'

[TuttiFrutti]

Defintely go and see your GP and ask for a referral to a consultant who can give a diagnosis. He sounds very similar to my ds, who is on the autistic spectrum but at the very mild end of it, so initially I thought "well he can't be autistic because he does x, y and z". I only asked for the referral because of physical problems with gross and fine motor skills, but as soon as I was in the system we got a diagnosis of both the physical and mental/emotional side. The consultant told me that, because it is a spectrum, children will often exhibit some signs but not others.

The diagnosis has been a great help and enabled us to get more help and understanding from the school, who might otherwise have labelled him as "naughty" or "a bit difficult".

[TuttiFrutti]

Also, I just wanted to say don't worry too much about the standing on his own. I know this is heartbreaking for a parent to watch, but my ds was like this throughout Reception and Year 1, and it is only now in Year 2 that he has started to play with other children. He has learnt some social skills but it has not come naturally to him as it did to the others. There are games you can play with him, or the teachers at school can, to encourage him to learn social skills about playing.

[skewiff]

Hello,

I have a child/DS with and actual diagnosis in YrR. He has mild cerebral palsy.

For me it is easier to accept that he is different from the others because I have always known that he was different. Actually I feel really pleased with how he is getting on -but again I was expecting worse. Perhaps you were expecting better ...

I think once the whole class matures things will smooth themselves out.

My DS certainly feels overwhelmed by the number of children in the school - he also plays really well with children 1:1 but can seem a bit lost in the classroom/playground.

I do think if you could look into what might be causing things such as not being able to sit cross legged then you could start to help DS. It is possible to remedy things like this with simple exercises. If you'd like to know more then please ask, or ask on the SN boards.

I agree that the other children probably don't see your DS as weird - just maybe younger - and as I say there is so much you can do to help him with speech and motor skills.