One in private, two in state

[benandholly]

My 2 eldest are both in an lovely state primary school. My eldest is in Yr3 and thriving. He's happy, doing brilliantly academically, has lovely friends and everything about the school suits him and he'd be devastated to leave. Our plan has always been to send him to the feeder comprehensive which is also outstanding in every way. It has excellent academic results, most children go on to good universities and the facilities could rival most independent schools and from what I know about it should suit him very well.

However, it's becoming increasingly clear that it's not the school for DD who is in reception and we've found a lovely private school which we think would suit her very well and have put her on the waiting list as it is currently full. The plan is still that DS2 will follow them to the local state primary.

Whilst we're making this decision based on the needs of the children it does mean that we probably won't be able to consider sending DS1 privately at secondary which whilst not our first choice was always at the back of our minds.

Has anyone else done this? I truly don't think that DS1 will be bothered at any point. It's very normal round here to have one in state and one in private and the state schools really are excellent, probably better than the private we're looking at for DD which offers things that DS1 doesn't need and it's not somewhere I would consider for him.

[StillSquiffy]

I don't see the problem? You probably wouldn't get a better education for DS1 anyway, and the private school suits DD better....

You are doing the right thing and I think you are just stressing that you are treating them differently, without accepting that treating them differently is exactly what they appear to need. DS1 will behappy, DD will be happy and if you don't have the cash for private secondary I think that's beside the point. I firmly believe that an unhappy child at primary will cause more long term damage than you having limited (but still excellent) choice at secondary

[blackeyedsusan]

By the time you get to secondary level, things my have changed anyway. the children's needs may change, schools may change and your finances my change.

[amidaiwish]

don't feel bad.
i went state all the way, as did my older sister
my two younger sisters had private secondary
i am not bitter! i just accept that my parents could afford it by then and the supposedly excellent state school me and my older sister went to wasn't so great in reality.
as my mum says "you do the best for each that you can at the time"

[BarbarianMum]

Is your ds2 younger than your dd? If so, what would you do if it turns out the primary doesn't suit him?

Your reasoning seems perfectly logical to me, but if you are saying that each of your children will get the schooling that best suits their needs, then you really ought to be able to offer your ds2 the option of private schooling if he needs it.

[Fiddledee]

I would really worry about future resentment. My parents sent me private and brother state and it has led to a lifetime of resentment - even though the academic results of his state school were better than my private school. What happens if DS2 hates the primary too?

[benandholly]

Thank you all for your comments and views. I seriously doubt that the current primary school would be a problem for DS2 but if it were then we'd do everything in our power to also send him privately. I'm also not concerned about resentment from DS1, the school he'd likely go to really is phenomenal and offers all the things that a decent private does and ideally we'd move DD there at 11 too as the private school usually has a good 6 or 7 who do move on there and they take about 30% from prep schools so the private state transition is well trodden there too.

[Lonnie]

OP I am going to tell you a piece of advice I got given by a dear friend

treating your children equally does NOT mean treating them the same


So go ahead and do what feels right for your child ensure they have the same opertunities to develop in their education.

that way you will treat them equally

[ragged]

I have one in private & two in state, they have different needs.