School offers and trying to stay calm

[LostinSuburbia]

Hi,

I am hoping that fellow parents can share with me their tips for staying calm during the daunting process of trying to secure a place for the children in a decent school.

I need to bide my time for 2-3 more weeks before I get the offers or not from a couple of schools. It is just a nail biting process. I cannot seem to switch off from this angst.

I have had the usual well meaning 'try not to worry' comments but these do not console me.

[MyrrhyBS]

I know what you mean. We don't hear until the end of March.

I just tell myself, well there is nothing we can do about it at the moment, and there is always an appeal. Doesn't mean an appeal will be successful, but I really am trying not to meet trouble halfway!

(except now you've reminded me...)

[strandednomore]

Well if it helps at all apparently this is a low birth year coming up as opposed to last year which was a huge birth year (at least round here) and lots of people didn't get their preferred places....

Sorry that probably hasn't helped.

Try not to worry.

[LaVieEnTechnicolor]

If you don't get a place (or don't get a place at the schools you want) come back and seek advice on whether you've got any scope for appeal (there isn't much scope for Reception admissions but it's not impossible). Also remember that you can join as many waiting lists as you like and in urban areas especially there's often a lot of movement between allocation day and the start of term.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

stranded somebody mentioned the low birth rate recently to me but I'm sure when I was having DD everyone kept saying how the birth rate had recently zoomed up.

Lostin hope you get the place you want.

[admission]

There are clearly major differences across the country as far as birth rate is concerned but nationally the birth rate has been going up since the low point of 2001.
But it is not as simple as that because the school population is around when a child is 5 and around the school year whereas the birth rate is in terms of the year. So even with the birth rate going up year on year, if all the births were at the wrong time of the year it will make a difference as to the expected level of children starting at school in any school year.
Does that make sense?
Either way I would not be pinning all my hopes on it being a low birth rate local to you to get to your prefered school. I would be checking out all the local schools to give yourself all the info in case you do not get your preference.

[LostinSuburbia]

Thanks for your input.

I know about the appeal process. The birth rate is ceratinly something way out of my control.

What I am a loss about is managing my anxiety now during the next 2-3 weeks. The topic has just flooded my mind. I am literaly thinking about it day and night without pause and have become very stressed as a result.

Her current school is talking about intergrating classes. Which suggests that my 5 year old may be sharing a class with 3 year olds. So, I feel that this arrangement will slow her progress. I am desperate now to have another option.

So, how do you go about managing anxieties when there is this waiting game?

[blackeyedsusan]

dd's friend at school got a place on the last day of term after they had done all the visits and brought the uniform for another school, so there is hope even if you don't get a place straight away.

Apart from that... can't say, only you know what will take your mind off it. If you are trying to get a project finished by a deadline, i find that takes my mind off other things that you can't do anything about anyway.

[LostinSuburbia]

Thanks blackeyedsusan. That is reassuring.

You are absolutely correct. I need to work at distracting myself. I have tried and failed but I need to keep trying.

[LaVieEnTechnicolor]

Yes, you need to find distractions but - if you can't distract yourself - focus more positively on things you will do (appeal, join waiting lists, move house, whatever you're prepared to do) rather than on generalised flapping.

I know that's easier said than done.

[LostinSuburbia]

Thanks again LaVieEnTechnicolor. Love the name by the way.

It is a shame that so many of us have to go through these struggles over early years education/Junior school entry from when are little ones are so young. I know that France and the US have more simple arrangements and parents are not forced to battle with the system.

I am going to pour myself half a glass of vino and watch some mind numbing telly.

[LaVieEnTechnicolor]

Yes, there's a lot to be said for the system (as I understand it) in the USA where one just sends one's child to the neighbourhood school. But the difference here is (I think) first, that many primary schools aren't big enough to accommodate every child for whom they're the nearest school and, second, that the notion of 'choice' (which is actually a preference) is so entrenched that many people would not welcome the 'you live on this street, your child goes to this school' approach even if it were feasible and, third, that while some schools are perceived as good and others as poor, parents will want that choice.

::gets off soapbox::

::goes in search of wine::

[basildonbond]

but the US system does nothing to address the problem of 'good' vs 'poor' schools and entrenches selection by house price/rental costs

When we lived in the US (NY followed by NJ) districts and schools were much more homogenous than here - we moved out of NY as we couldn't afford to rent in the catchment of a half-way decent school (and private was so stratospherically expensive it wasn't even a distantly contemplated option) and the catchment option would have been an elementary school (i.e. primary) with metal detectors to stop kids bringing in weapons and a permanent police presence. In NJ the town we lived in was almost exclusively white middle class, so that was the school population, 20 minutes down the road was the black middle class equivalent, 10 mins in the other direction was a predominantly white working class town, with the Hispanic/black equivalent 5 minutes further on. In ds1's excellent kindy they only had one mixed-race child (out of 220, in a school 25 mins out of Manhattan) and she was the child of a South African diplomat

sorry have veered massively off on a tangent, OP - sorry you're feeling so angst-ridden - distraction is the key!

[helencw77]

I have to say that two years ago my ds did not get a place at any of the three schools we applied for, at the time I was inconsolable but in fact he ended up at a fantastic little infant school (one I did not even consider applying to initially, it is about 5 miles from us). It has turned out really well, there are 20 in his class and he adores school and his sister is now in Reception there too.

So, although it is all very stressful, and I remember it well, even if things don't turn out as you'd like right now, when one door closes another opens...........

[LaVieEnTechnicolor]

Yes, exactly. As far as I can see, an American-style system is only like to work well at that magical moment when all schools are equally good, are perceived by parents as equally good and have enough places to cater for all the children for whom they are the nearest school. If that position could be reached, the system would become (for me anyway) very appealing!

[LostinSuburbia]

It helps so much when we can share our experiences and knowledge in this way. Thank you Mumsnet!

I can see that things are far from perfect in the States. Basildonbond, NY does come across as more tribal. Are you still living there? I used to live there but had to come back to Blighty before I had Kids.

I still get reactions from non British parents here commenting that the system in the U.K.is insane. Anyway, have to work with what you get.

As you rightly point out
LaVieenTechnicolor 'choice' is of much value to us despite it leading to disappointment for some. Supply versus demand is our homegrown issue with good schooling.

What are your reactions to 5 year olds sharing a class with 3 year olds from both social and educational points of views?

Would this cause any of you to want to jump ship and find a suitable alternative?

Helencw77 I am so pleased that things worked out well for you. One door closes another one opens is a good mantra to adopt. I just have to make sure that that door whatever it is is worth opening.

I keep on saying to myself she will only be 5 once. Hubby takes a back seat and thinks I torment myself too much.

[LaVieEnTechnicolor]

I'm puzzled by the idea of 3 year olds and 5 year olds being in the same class. Is that a nursery/reception mix? I've never heard of that happening, probably because where we are (densely-packed London borough) not every school has a nursery and those that do are so big that mixing year groups isn't necessary (which cuts out any discussion about whether it's desirable).

So, this is a hypothetical situation for me. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. Reception is a kind of half-way house between nursery and 'real' school in Year 1 and so it might be a very nice, gentle introduction to school. I would, though, want reassurance that enough was being done to differentiate between the children by age and by how ready for school they were. When my child started school, some of the class were well into phonics (none could actually read, as far as I know, but some were pretty close) whilst some could not hold a pencil. Any good teacher will be able to cater for all the different needs of the children in the class, but this must be even more difficult if there's such a wide age range, so I'd want to know how the school was going to make it work.

[ShoshanaBlue]

A lot of nurseries and receptions are mixed at certain parts of the day - it's just a standard Foundation Stage unit.

Reception and nursery usually get separated 'taught' carpet sessions though.

I've not heard of Foundation and Key Stage 1 being mixed though. That would concern me more...