Problem with friend of 6 year old DS

[rowingboat]

This is not a huge problem, but I would appreciate any insights of experiences others have had.
My son has been very close to another boy for the past year or so. They used to be in different school nurseries, but would play for a couple of afternoons a week and have tea together.
They both started school this year and are now in the same class and obviously they are now together most of the day.
Recently, my son has been upset at the end of the school day over problems with his friend.
The main problem seems to be that the friend wants to play a game with my son, but doesn't want any of the other children to play.
My son wants to play with his best friend and the other children and is finding the situation stressful. Tonight he asked me if I could move him to another school.
He is a friendly boy and quite easy-going with other children, whereas his friend is more 'fixed' when it comes to playing and has quite certain ideas about what he wants to play and can be inflexible.
It sounds to me as if the friend is being possessive over my son and this is actually driving them apart.
My instinct is to talk to the friend's mother and talk to both boys explaining the problem to them and encouraging them to resolve things.
I would love to hear how others have handled this type of situation.
I sometimes do a role play with my son so that he can 'practice' saying what he wants to say in a safe environment.

[gabid]

My DS is a bit like that, he focuses on one friend and will not budge - the situation is slowly improving though. DS has always been an extreemly sociable and friendly boy who chatted and got on well with all playdate friends we met in twos or threes. However, I think DS feels very insecure and lost in large groups and crowds.

In pre-school DS made a friend and they were quite keen on each other, when, after a couple of weeks we invited the friend to play it turned out he didn't want to. DS only wanted to play with the one friend. In reception a similar thing happened, DS tried to cling to one person who after a short while didn't want to know. He then played with a boy who didn't seem to mind his clinginess and they are still friends. The reception teacher seemed to think DS is not making an effert, although very able and sociable sometimes refuses to work with or sit next to children because they are 'not his friend'. Talking and explaining made no difference at all.

Now in Y1 DS and his 'best friend' are not in one class anymore, because the school considered this not to be a 'healthy' relationship, which seemed to help. DS is still focused on that boy, and he mentiones him a lot but through other parents and children I realised that he is playing and popular with all the children on his table at school at least.

Maybe that mum knows what her child is like and has been in that situation before. But if the problem lies within school then they will need to know - maybe splitting them up a bit helps.

[ConnorTraceptive]

I personally wouldn't discuss it with the mum but would speak to your son's teacher and she can help the other little boy to broaden his friendship circle.

DS had a similar problem a couple of years ago and all I can suggest is that you reassure your son that it's fine to play with others and give him the confidence he needs to deal with his friend

[StarExpat]

I'm a teacher and of course would keep a close eye and do what I could on my end at school to encourage them to play with others...etc.

I am also a mother. 1 DS who is 25months. I guess I don't understand why she shouldn't chat with the mother about it (in a non accusatory way)? If my son were doing this, and you were going to approach the teacher about it, I'd like to know as well and talk with my ds, too. Is that so wrong? School-home partnership needs to be strong.

[rowingboat]

Hi all,
thank you for giving me so much feedback!
I have had more of an opportunity to 'chat' with my son this morning and it seems the problem is more about the boy being inflexible about playing games. I think he has been refusing to play other people's games and being cross with my son if he wants to play other people's games rather than his.
He also refuses to 'die' when he plays and apparently wants to 'win' and to 'kill' the other children (my son). So it now seems to be more about taking turns and letting other people win/choose games, which seems more straight forward.
I am good friends with the other boy's mother and she is aware that there is something up at the moment, so we will probably tackle this situation together.