5yo keeps getting into trouble at school

[vmcd28]

My DS started school in august. He's now 5yr 8 months. I am 38 weeks pg.

My opinion is that his "problem" is that he is loud and giggly, and never ever stops talking. He therefore gets "caught" when he's carrying on with any of the other boys.

The school works on a traffic light system, ie they are awarded a red if theyve been very very naughty, amber if theres some concern, and green if theyre good. He has had three ambers so far (which is a lot, given we're only in term 2).

The thing is, he is a lovely, happy, excited boy, and is a bit of a wuss, so is certainly not a trouble maker (the teacher even said this at parents night). However, I know that if he didnt want to do something, he'd probably say so (which teachers obviously dont like!).

I just dont know what to do or say to him or his teacher now! I dont want to be a "my son is a good boy" type of parent, but I know he;s not being "bad" as such... HELP!

[flamingpants]

Doesn't the amber not denote bad, but needs improvement?

[thisisyesterday]

well i dunno, 3 ambers seems not that bad to me! it's only some concern, rahter than being properly naughty... and 3 times isn't so much really;

sounds totaly normal to me. are the school concerned: what have they suggested?

[BlueberryPancake]

Do you know why he gets on amber? Is it because he doesn't want to sit down quietly, is he being disruptive to other children, or does he pushes other children around and is too physical? If I were you I'd ask for a little ten minutes chat with the teacher just to know what your son is doing or not doing so well in the classroom, and try to gently speak to him at home. He might not be a troublemaker, but some children are not keen at all on sitting down and listening that they can be disriptive to other children. I don't think that 3 times on amber is too bad, but it would be great if you could know why and try to encourage the right behaviour at home.

[vmcd28]

Thanks for the replies, very much.

flamingpants, yep amber means something behaviour-wise needs to be improved/is cause for concern.

yesterday, I sort of see it that way too, that three isn't actually too bad, given that he's a wee excitable 5yo. I'm from a family of girls, so I've not really got experience of how boys do/should behave... one of his pals has had one amber, and his other pal has had none at all. The school havent suggested anything or said they're concerned.

blueberry, last week's amber was because he had refused to hang up his jacket in the morning, then ignored any instructions from the teacher "preferring to do his own thing". Then he finished by calling another boy names. Turns out it was the class "bully" (if there's such a thing at 5yo? I digress.) that he was calling names, and I have no doubt that it was not ds who started it, but he's the one who got caught. Don't get me wrong, we had a long chat about why we don't call each othef names etc, all I'm saying is I don't believe he randomly started shouting names at the boy.

Yesterday's amber - who knows, cos there was no note to say why. I asked ds who said he and two friends got amber for not eating lunch quickly enough, so they'd hardly eaten anything at the end of lunchtime. They were then starving all afternoon. Ive stuck a post-it note in his homework diary to ask the teacher what happened. But I don't see why I should have to ask at all!

Another point is that the ambers this week and last were both on Wednesdays - they have drama in the morning and gym in the afternoon. Coincidence that he's hyper on a Wednesday...?

Finally, at his parents night a few weeks ago, his teacher said he isn't disruptive or attention seeking in class. She said he regularly disappears into his own wee world, as if he's bored or as if he just doesn't see that there's any benefit to what they're being told. He's always been a bit like this - he plays role play type games amazingly well, has a great imagination etc, so I guess in some ways he is bored in the classroom!

[vmcd28]

Well, another Wednesday, another amber. Today he was being taught by a different teacher for part of the day, and apparently completely ignored her and "did his own thing". This is starting to get dull...

[vmcd28]

Giddy, thanks for your reply :)

I think my "issue" with all this is partly the way the teacher deals with this. I and dh have no clue how "seriously " an amber is taken by the school, and we're being given no suggestions as to what we can do. This is new to us too.

But I hate the phrase she used - "completely ignored" - i don't believe for a second that he deliberately ignored her, but he does go into messing-around mode and doesn't pay attention. That - of course - doesn't make it all ok, but I just feel she's being a bit negative and emotive with her language, if you see what I mean. He's a 5yo boy, ffs.

And again, this has happened on gym and drama day - ie the day they get wound up and told to run around and use their imagination...

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the behaviour should be ignored, but it would be much more helpful if we were told what the teacher tried to do to deal with it at the time. Giving him ambers is clearly not a deterrent to him.
I'm just not physically or emotionally able to do much about any of this at 39 weeks...
Ugh.

[Desiderata]

What's the betting his teacher is a female?

[Desiderata]

DS has had male teachers in both reception and year one. Oddly, none of the boys have been singled out for their behaviour.

Tell her to take a hike.

[vmcd28]

Des, thank you. Agreed. :)

I didn't want to sound like I was being precious, but I really do believe there are character traits in some boys that are "boys being boys", rather than being deliberately naughty.

[vmcd28]

Giddy, again, thank you. There are only 17 kids in total in the class, but your point is still the same, and I totally appreciate what you mean.
As I say, I don't think the concerns should be ignored, but I'm not entirely sure how to deal with this with my ds - ambers clearly don't stop his dreamlike state, and god knows I've spent the past few years trying to get him to pay attention! !

We've put a letter in his bag to ask his teacher to clarify what, in reality, the traffic light system means, ie is it simply an advisory note for the parents, or are there concerns / consequences further down the line?