ds (8) doesn't want to do after school activities. Why am I getting so stressed about this?

[TheEarthIsFlat]

He's tried 3 or 4 things but always decides that's he's not enjoying it, so apart from one night a week when he goes to sea scouts, it's home to the garden/his room/the tv. He does lack confidence which is why partly why I've pushed him to join things (things he's expressed an interest in, not random activities). Perhaps I'm also being a bit selfish as he's very mentally active and talkative and by his bedtime I'm exhausted.

In the long term, does it matter? I'm getting myself and him stressed because I keep thinking all the other children are having active lives & learning new skills and he's just bobbing along. That said, if I'm not careful I'll put him off things that he probably will want to do when he's a bit older.

Our house is quite a distance from the school so we can't invite friends back, but we do stay in the playground so he can run around, and he's happy to go to the park or library on the way home.

Any ideas? I'm not a pushy parent by any means, rather someone who's always been a bit of a loner and doesn't want ds to end up the same way, but trying too hard!

ps I have another child who is a 'joiner in' and would happily do several things a week, which adds to my guilt because I feel like I should be treating both exactly the same.

[werewolf]

As long as you offer both your kids the opportunity to do things, then you are treating them the same.

Just relax and accept that he's a homebody, for now at any rate. Things may change as he gets older.

[Elibean]

I tend to agree with Werewolf. My eldest dd (nearly 7) is also a homebody, who needs and enjoys time to mooch around 'making things', having time on her own, playing with her sister etc. She does do swimming lessons now, and once a week she goes to a small jazz dance class - but thats it. No school clubs: 'I'm not a club sort of person'.

I would talk to him about what you think he could get out of various activities, but also let him know you understand everyone is different and that he may not want to, or may not be ready. dd sometimes says 'I'm not ready for that' and then, all of a sudden, will say 'I want to learn xyz now, I'm ready.' So far, she's been right - its just not necessarily when I think of it

[maktaitai]

What about thinking about holiday courses instead?

We ended up keeping afterschool fairly clear last year (it has changed a bit this year) but went for it with holidays - then the child is more likely to make some progress quickly and enjoy it.

[Anenome]

Out of interest which activities has he tried so far?

[TheEarthIsFlat]

Thanks, I'm sure you're both right, but you're talking logic and right now I'm emotional He took a while to settle and start learning at school and it's only the last few months where he's relaxed into it and begun to enjoy lessons. He is definitely a homebody and tends to have very strong views on what he wants.

Perhaps I'll put aside some of the money I'm saving so we can buy stuff for the garden.

[TheCrackFox]

"In the long term does it matter?" No

If he is lacking in confidence the best thing you can do is to encourage him to be himself. If he isn't much of a joiner-iner then that is fine.

Anyway, he does Seascouts which, a generation ago, would have been regarded as plenty.

[LadyLapsang]

Don't get stressed about this. He goes to Sea Scouts and he is happy spending time at home with you and his sibling - enjoy and relax (don't sweat the small stuff). Believe me, soon you will wonder if you are a mum or a taxi driver! (Would be nice if he could have his friends back to play some time though)