'bullying' but I can't get to the bottom of it- advice?

[msyikes]

My ds is back in year 1 this week and is saying every day that his 'bullies' (his words) are chasing and hitting him at lunchtime. He spoke a bit about them last year too. He was hit in the eye on Tues and hit again today. He said that the duty teacher in the playground had made the bulies hold hert hand after the eye hitting thing. His class teacher seems aware of this but I am at work all week and dh has spoken to her, but only once.
So I haven't a clue what is going on really.
Ds doesn't seem especially scared opr anxious about it and loves school, but he did say that he cries when the bullies hit him and they call him a 'crybaby'.
What should I do? I have Fridays off so I can try to speak to the class teacher myself with dh, but dh is going to have another go on Monday.
I don't really know what to do re my son, my instincts are either to get massively overprotective and make a huge fuss- not helpful, or to tell him to stand his ground and hot back- also not helpful. Or to think that since he seems so matter of fact and is otherwise happy that it doesn't matter- but surely hitting is not right and the school shouldn't allow it?
Any advice v gratefully received.

[msyikes]

Lots of typos, hope you got my drift! Reading back, it sounds awful- what is going on in this school that all this hitting is happening and the kids aren't getting punished? Or is this just general rough and tumble..?

[CaptainKirksNipples]

Is he quite a sensitive child? Does he do any clubs outside school?

My DS has probably had the same amount of injuries since school started back but is very popular because he plays sports and is confident. There are children that play rough and tumble as you call it, but there are others that stand out as tell tales or cry babies or liars.

One boy on a school trip burst out crying and said he was being bullied after he told them his dad cut down the big tree outside school and the boys called him on it (dad works at tesco!) and is constantly being 'bullied' for his stories.

I think you should go into the school and find out what is happening and what you and the school can do to help.

[animula]

Definitely go in and chat. Schools usually have a range of strategies, and I suppose you need to be his advocate to make sure the ball is set rolling to implement those.

I'd be inclined to act sooner rather than later, ie. your dh going in on Monday, but that means, I suppose, you not going (twice in a week may well be over-kill). Though I think you are almost certainly going to have to go in again, later in term - it's rare that it all gets sorted very quickly, so another trip may well be on the cards. Perhaps make sure you both go on that one?

I've found it's helpful to both go, somehow it seems so much easier if the pair of you are there to fill bits in, and so on.

I'd expect the school to do some "circle-time" stuff, at this stage. General talk about what sort of behaviour is expected from everyone at school, and in the playground, but done in a subtle, child-friendly way.

Poor you, and poor ds. Glad he likes school.

You're right about not telling him to hit back. That really won't help, not least because then the school have to discipline him, which will just make everything very unclear.

Also, avoidance, if at all possible, is a great strategy. Are there any other children he can play with? At the very least, he will be less available to target if he is with others. Can you facilitate and strengthen those relationships out of school, or are you both working, and not able to do playdates, and so on?

Good luck; it is awful when things like this happen to our children.

[CaptainKirksNipples]

Not so sure about the not hitting thing tbh. When DS started school he didn't know anyone from nursery like the other kids did.

He had a boy (the one mentioned above!) push his glasses of his face and DS punched him in the stomach and told him he was being annoying and hasn't been bothered since. In front of all the mums and kids at the beginning of the day too

I gave him a small row at the time but he got very upset as he was only defending himself so I told him he did the right thing, he has never been violent again at school. But no one has gone near him either as they know what will happen!

[cansu]

Make an appointment to go in and talk to the teacher. Find out what they think is happening and discuss it. Your child's class teacher is probably not on playground duty and they may not know what is happening every day. If you alert them they can watch and react accordingly. I would then speak to them again to check that the situation has been resolved and keep in contact if there is a problem.

[msyikes]

Yes Captainkirks that is the kind of standing his ground thing that I am hoping ds will do- I mean just working it through for himself, not hitting back necessarily, just standing his ground.
He is a bit of a brain but certainly not a nerd and loves a good scrum as much as anyone else.
He's generally happy, has good friends I think, and the last thing I want is for him to be the class telltale or whatever. These boys are in the year above and ds is an August baby so I think he does see them as 'big boys' and is a bit intimidated.
Thanks for the advice all, think it will involve a trip up to the school just because ds's version is probably less than the full picture!
It is hard, because I want to protect him, but much more than that I want him to protect himself by having a bit of a 'don't mess with me' attitude- not a Grant Mitchell kind of thing, just as sort of force field! How do some people get that and others not??
Just tell them to f- off isn't great advice for a 5 yr old!!!!! What's the year 1 version of that?!

[CaptainKirksNipples]

If they are in the year above then you need it sorted asap. I thought they were in the same class. I think that makes it more serious.