Parties / sleepovers and sleep times...

[Dotty342kids]

My 12yr old DS came home yesterday telling me (not asking, telling!) that he was going to go to a Halloween party of a girl from his yr at school - they're in Yr 8. This family always go all out for Halloween - decorating the garden and having a party and he's managed to wangle an invite through a closer friend of hers. No problem with him going - it'll no doubt be great, but he seemed to assume that he could stay there till 11-12.00 which I was a bit surprised by. Told him that I suspected it might finish earlier than that
Then, in the next breath, he's saying he wants to go to a friend's house for a sleepover this weekend and wants to "do an all nighter" eg. stay up all night. This is a boy who really needs his sleep - he's absolutely vile and awful when tired. I said he could go Friday, but he needs to be ok for tennis and rowing commitments on Sat so wouldn't want him even trying to stay up all night!

Apparently, for these comments, I am the strictest parent ever, waaaay stricter than his friends' parents. I do know at least two of his friends do think it's ok / normal to stay up all night at a sleepover so suspect he's not lying about this.
But is this being overly strict? I'm not saying I'd expect him to be tucked up and asleep by 10pm but neither do I want him staying up all night or attempting to do so and being fit for nothing the rest of the weekend!

[momb]

If he wants to stay up late/all night then he does this on days when he does not have extracurricular commitments the next day.
he wants to do these things. You pay for them. it is beholden on him to be capable of attending.

Halloween this year is on a Saturday at the end of half term so perhaps he could attend that if he sleeps in late on the Sunday?

[momb]

In essence, no,. you aren't being over strict. Your DS has more going on than many of his peers, I suspect, and therefore needs to get up in the mornings where lots of preteens/teens can get a long lie-in at the weekends.

[Dotty342kids]

Yes, don't mind him attempting to stay up all night if he's got a couple of lazy days in which to recover afterwards, it's just the assumption that that is "normal" and I'm being mean by discouraging it!

He'll be going to the Halloween party , I'm hoping that the hosting parents will finish it well before midnight. They are 12, not 16 fgs!

[OutToGetYou]

If he goes be prepared that he won't get any sleep. Dp was roaring at the boys at 3am at dss 14th birthday sleepover, threatened to shut them in the car.

Dss really suffers from lack of sleep, he needs his sleep.

Is the Halloween thing a kids' thing though? We gave a bonfire party we invite friends and kids to, it goes on late, but we expect parents to manage their own kids. Some kids come at dss request without parents, we only ever allow one to sleepover though. But we don't monitor what time the kids go home. That's up to their parents.

Dss is always telling us how all his mates are allowed to stay up all night playing computer games if they want. I doubt it is true but even if it is, he's not going to be doing that.

We had two of his mates over Sat night for no reason and I was getting cross around midnight at them still making a noise. (His room is above ours so we hear everything. Bad planning!)

[Dotty342kids]

I think the Halloween thing is a kids' thing, yes. I vaguely know the mum but don't see her that often but if he's going I'll need to extract some contact details for them so that I can check the arrangements

Glad to hear that you're of the "noise after midnight" is annoying mindset too! DS went to a friend's house in the summer hols, from about 3pm and other than a break for tea and an enforced (by the mum) board game, I think the entire rest of the time, into the wee hours, was spent gaming. I'm quite shocked by that, but am beginning to wonder if I'm just very out of touch with what's normal for boys of that age....

[OutToGetYou]

My impression is that parents allow it to keep the kids out of the way. We're not like that, we prefer to do things as a family, plus we don't have dss all the time so it seems pointless for him to come over just to sit in a different bedroom not interacting with adults.

Personally I think they should shut up by 11pm. But our house is stupidly noisy, it's three floors and five bedrooms but you can hear every single movement or word spoken or TV/radio playing ng no matter where you are in the house. I'm a bit noise sensitive so it annoys me a lot.