12 y/o DD dealing with a suicidal friend.

(7 Posts)
Magicmintsally Tue 29-Apr-14 22:58:40

My DD is nearly 13. She has a friend from school who has been self harming and tonight at 10pm is the second occasion in two months that DD has had texts from friend to say that she has taken too many tablets. Tonight I actually spoke to the friend - mum was in the background and didn't seem bothered. Eventually it was decided that neighbour would take them to hospital.

I'd really like to get DD out of this relationship but she is now frightened that if friend does anything else it will be blamed on her. I feel that DD is being manipulated to stay friends and she agrees with me. I'm also thinking that I should report friend to social services to make sure she's getting all the help she should be - although hopefully the hospital will have done this from her previous visits.

Any advice would be very much appreciated.

alita7 Tue 29-Apr-14 23:30:06

if the mum isn't interested I'd report it to ss or at least the school, you never know what's causing this poor child to resort to self harm.

your poor dd, this girl sounds a bit manipulative tbh and probably wants the attention from friends sigh if this is allowed to escalate it may develop into borderline personality disorder as she gets to adult hood.

your dd needs to know that it is Ok to tell her friend that her actions upset her and that she doesn't want the responsibility of being told when her friend is doing this, it good that she tells someone, in case she actually risks her life (though telling people usually indicates that they didn't really want it to work) but your 12 year old should not be the person with that on her head, imagine how she's feel if her friend actually did it.

It's a horrible place for your dd to be in and I really feel for her. I also know that being exposed to this type of behaviour can bring out a curiosity in teens and your dd may even feel peer pressured to self harm so do keep an eye out.

I hope the school can offer some support to both girls.

tessa1234 Wed 30-Apr-14 13:16:55

What a horrible situation for yourself and your poor daughter. Its important that your daughter realises that she is not the help that her friend needs and that the best support she can give her is to pull away from her and encourage her to get some further help (her parents, school, Dr and counselling etc). As long as she has your daughter to lean on she will be less likely to seek the help of someone else :-(

LaMamita Wed 28-May-14 15:31:01

This is a hard one... specially because there is some stepping-back action needed and we are used to going forward and in the "doing" business. Sometimes one just needs to step back, get out of X situation and wait.
Authorities should be dealing with this. Adults in society are the ones called for child protection. A 12 yr old cannot deal with a suicidal friend and the friend in need will be probably harmed by its interaction w/ a 12 yr . old well meant friend who is just scared and being manipulated.

Can a 12 yr old perform surgery on a sick friend just because she loves her. No she can't. The same here. She can tell her: "you need a type of help I can't give you. My mom will get your mom some numbers, contacts and resources, we will be praying for you and once you have COMPLETED treatment we will definitely be there to celebrate with you".

PLEASE, S-T-E-P B-A-C-K
Be sure I will be praying for your family and this friend.

MumInVillage Wed 28-May-14 16:03:04

A friend's daughter aged 13 had a similar situation. She and another friend spoke to a senior teacher and the friend is now having counselling.

ImATotJeSuisUneTot Wed 28-May-14 16:08:49

This was me at school, I was your daughter.

When suicidal friend finally did the thing she'd been threatening to, I took all the blame - please help her to understand there is nothing she can do. She's not responsible for her friends actions.

Viviennemary Wed 28-May-14 16:12:44

I would not be at all happy if my DD was in this position. It is totally unfair and unacceptable for a child of that age. Agree with talking to a senior teacher at the school as a start. Totally agree that adults should be dealing with this. You could contact the charity Mind to see if they have any advice.

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