What do you do when other adults try to tell you your DC isn't very likeable

(12 Posts)
Vintagebeads Thu 05-Dec-13 13:05:09

DS is almost 9.
I feel almost bad writing this because I agree with them.
We had DS parent teacher meeting and his teacher as kindly as she could said that he is show off,he talks over her if she is say dealing with another teacher who comes into the room, and the guy who takes PE says he is cheeky.
She did also say he is a great kid,but when around adults/teens he doesn't know he turns into a horror and lets himself down.
DS also goes to football training, my DH trains the other team and came home saying he could hear him over the pitch being a general loud mouth and cheeky.
Yesterday they went to a sport center with the school and there were teens helping with them, one of them told DS he was being rude and cheeky.He maintains he said nothing hmm but was upset to be told this.

I noticed that when he say go to the shop and the cashier might be talking to me ,he has to butt in almost try to make a show of me/be cheeky.

I don't know what to do really,he gets plenty of positive attention at home, he is the eldest of two (dd)
He is popular at school and has lovely friends who seem to be able to keep there mouths in check.
I have told him no one likes a big mouth/being cheeky is what small boys do,getting angry, and him missing training but still it's not improving.
Sorry its long.Any ideas?

Vintagebeads Thu 05-Dec-13 22:03:02

Anyone?

Notmyidea Fri 06-Dec-13 16:16:05

How do you react when he interrupts you while you're out? Or if you've overheard him being rude?

PigOnRollerskates Fri 06-Dec-13 18:19:26

Hi Vintage

I've been through this with DD at a similar age, but the opposite problem. She was so shy and timid that I got lots of negative feedback from miserable, ignorant people who didn't know her very well. "Is she OK? she's very sulky" or "She's not got much to say has she" or "Does she have special needs"(!!) This particular treasure from a distant family member!

I have also had negative comments at parents' evening at Primary, how she was rude because when she was asked questions she didn't answer, and that she was lazy because she would know the answer but not say it, or that her reading was poor because she couldn't read out loud. Teacher totally failed to get that she just didn't like speaking in front of the class.

Some people (including teachers) warm to kids who are outgoing and confident like your DS and some warm to kids who are quiet like my DD, and that's just life. From my POV it seems that more and more people respond to the outgoing kids, and they're the ones who do well in life after all.

I haven't really got any great advice really, other than that for every adult/ older teen who finds your DS cheeky, another will think he's lovely and "a character" and the fact that he's got lots of friends means it sounds like he'll be fine. There's a big difference between being cheeky / gobby, and being aggressive / unpleasant and it doesn't sound like he's those things.

I've got over this now (DD is 12 and in Y7) DD has come out of her shell a bit at secondary, in part because she's got away from her teacher at primary who just didn't get her, and borderline bullied her, but also i suppose because she's growing up and her behaviour is not so directly my responsibility. If she's quiet and rude, it's her being judged not me, and that makes it much easier to take.

Sorry this is a bit long. I would just focus on actual rudeness, and let the cheekiness and you'll probably find that the rest will sort itself out with time.

FirstUpBestDressed Fri 06-Dec-13 18:39:17

Our youngest son was the same.

He was perfectly sociable , likeable , appropriate most of the time...until I spoke to another adult when he would interrupt .

It became a pattern of behaviour and was infuriating and embarrassing.

We resolved it by polite reminders/prompts when I knew I was going to be taking to adults , or , when he did interrupt I would listen initially and nicely say that he was being rude and could he please wait until I had finished speaking to x.

With patience and practice he learned.

I appreciate it is different for your dc as you are not always there but I am sure he will get the message if a polite broken record approach is used by the teachers.

Vintagebeads Fri 06-Dec-13 18:44:34

Not yes sometimes I have stopped and said, "Now that just is cheeky remember your manners" but it always happens again.
It's like he thrives on the attention of a new person and shows off and the worst possible side of himself comes out.
I know we all say it but he is a sweet kind child,but this other side that comes out when he is around others is awful.I cringe.

PigsI probably should just focus on the rude.But the showing off ends up as being rude.He doesn't seem to know where to stop sad
I am trying to save him from himself tbh,as while the teacher was kindly blunt she also wasn't wrong we have noticed it too.
But your right about friends surely its a good thing that he isnt putting his friends off him.

newgirl Fri 06-Dec-13 18:51:01

I wonder if he could do drama? Give him an outlet for his lively personality?

Vintagebeads Fri 06-Dec-13 19:00:23

new he is sports mad and is on the school team for a couple of things, but his teacher said he is very good at drama grin I bet!! When he reads parts in books out loud he does the voices!!!
I asked him about drama but got a big nooooo.

first thank you,I am glad I am not the only one !I think I will have to perfect my broken record voice.Footie tomorrow,DH has pre warned him that any lip and he will have him stand out for five min each time.<hopeful>

FirstUpBestDressed Fri 06-Dec-13 20:40:37

As well as a reminder before an 'event' you can praise him for his patience afterwards.

Maybe view it as teamwork in his personal development.

Empathise that you know how hard it is to bite your tongue/not interrupt when you are bursting to say something.
Tell him that you /the teacher will notice if he ' holds that thought'.
Give him lots of praise for trying.

Assure him that afterwards you will listen to what he was going to say in a situation but managed to hold back on? [a debrief]
I think if he feels supported in his efforts and you work together , it will improve.

valiumredhead Sat 07-Dec-13 22:21:37

He's 9, lots of 9 year olds are cheeky and full of themselves, just keep nudging him and telling him when to pipe down when he gets too full on. He'll learn eventuallysmile

Vintagebeads Tue 10-Dec-13 18:24:07

first thanks for your last post.I really wasn't telling him well done for waiting and so on, and the last two days I have done it, the change is something else.So bloody simple !!

Thanks everyone for not making me feel like I was over reacting.

I got a note home from teacher today complementing his manners,and attitude in class.I think we are turning a corner!

lljkk Sun 29-Dec-13 15:32:59

it is a pretty cheeky age, anyway.

I've heard this for yrs about DS and he's not even popular at school. Count your blessings...

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