Urgent Help! when do teenage tantrums start? My usually placid 10 yr old DD is going nuts about homework.

[chemicalsister]

Feel like I am in middle of a big storm scared of lighting hitting me. She has had normal apdis agreemens before of course . And when 2-3 yes old there was nor mail amount of lying on floor tantrums, but didnt last long.
I am trying to be as sympathetic as possible but feel all churned up because she has been screaming crying shouting about some homework she was supposed to have already started, agreed needed doing when calm but now just wanta to put off, although I have suggested doing a small piece of it, a start because we are very busy sat and sun. ( One day is a picnic of club she goes to)
Also there WAS a lot of free time this afternoon, now gone. It all started about 330.
Also good time to do bit of work as noisy younger sister out. Of course now she is too upset to concentrate on working.

Arg feel really jittery-like when I have had an arguement with a partner's, though I have stayed calm with her, feel very upset inside.
Help?!?!

[chemicalsister]

Bump.

Anybody ??

[findingme]

I didn't want to leave your thread unanswered. I have a 9 year old DD and she is very emotional. No tantrums, her nature is to burst into tears occasionally. I sit down with her in her room, I ask what's wrong. 9 times out of 10 she will say "i don't know" then we just cuddle and I let her cry.

It's not so easy in your situation with the shouting added in, but see if you can sit her down, give her a cuddle and check nothing else is bothering her. It is probably puberty/hormones and she just feels overwhelmed. If she won't cuddle, just tell her that you love her, and if she wants to talk you are there.

It sounds like you have already tried to break down her homework task into smaller, manageable chunks so with my DD, I would lay out the homework on the table, tell her it needs doing and if she doesn't get it done she will have to explain to the teacher why it isn't done. That is probably harsh but there is only so much you can do to get her to do her homework. She needs to put the effort in too. Luckily my DD would be mortified if she was the only one in her class not to have done her homework.

Hope your DD is feeling better now

[chemicalsister]

thanks very much for posting -what I needed to hear I think. I need to just keep staying calm myself, andnot get too upset. it is hard, just trying to tread line between offering cuddles while being shouted at, and firmly asking for reasonable behaviour and insisting home work gets done.

[Myliferocks]

I have an 11, 13 and 17 yr old DD.
I have learnt to take a step back.
I ask them what homework they have and help them decide what they are going to do and when. Other than that they are on their own as I am not the one who gets the lunchtime detention if they do not do it.
I'm another one who believes that there is only so much you can do as a parent.

[shebird]

I have the same situation with my DD(9) everything turns into a huge drama especially homework. I find it hard not to react to the tantrum and just try to walk away as I did when she was 2 or 3. I have now allocated homework to be done on specific days so she knows what we have to do. There is no tv etc. until it has been finished. I think ideally she would like me to do it for her and is trying the tantrum route so i will help as much as possible. I am hoping when she settles back into the routine of things it will calm down until then I will try to ignore and offer hugs.