If your pre teen said they were invited for a sleepover would you check with the other parents?

(67 Posts)
VivaLeBeaver Fri 29-Jun-12 23:10:35

dd has three friends sleeping over tonight. They're new friends. Two of them I have never met the parents and they've not met me. I vaguely know the other girls mum, don't know her name but I'd recognise her. Unless their dds have given their mums my phone number then they don't have it.

Dd asked them last week if they wanted to come for a sleepover, I said it was fine. I'm just surprised their parents haven't contacted me to make sure it was ok.

Not so much of an issue now but in a few years this could be a good trick to say they're going to X's house when they're really somewhere else. Would I look like an old fart if I always ring parents to double check that dd is going to be at their house if she goes for a sleepover?

They're all 11 btw.

rubyrubyruby Fri 29-Jun-12 23:12:44

I don't check but stay in mobile contact with DD.

MaryMotherOfCheeses Fri 29-Jun-12 23:13:37

You've got two 11 year old girls in your house overnight and neither of the parents have phoned you even just to make contact????7

My goodness.

No, that' wouldn't happen here.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Fri 29-Jun-12 23:14:43

I would check yes, just to be sure that it was a plan the parent agreed to.

NotMostPeople Fri 29-Jun-12 23:15:41

I always check even with my 13 year old and have had some reactions from mothers that would indicate they think I'm being overly protective.

VivaLeBeaver Fri 29-Jun-12 23:15:47

Three girls. No parents have contacted me and the girls have known for a week. The girls assured me at tea that their parents know where they are.

VivaLeBeaver Fri 29-Jun-12 23:17:55

I'm glad it's not just me being PFB about it. These girls have older siblings so maybe their parents area bit more relaxed about stuff!

usualsuspect Fri 29-Jun-12 23:18:36

I would assume their parents thought it was ok , yes

cece Fri 29-Jun-12 23:19:43

My 11 yr old DD rarely goes on sleepovers and therefore only goes with people I know very well. There is no way she would be at someones house I didn't know - let alone not contacted about it. shock

bumpybecky Fri 29-Jun-12 23:20:01

no that wouldn't happen here!

neither of my older dds (14 and 12) has been for a sleepover without me (or DH) knowing the parents, speaking to them and delivering dd to their house. We've always taken contact numbers from parents who have left their dd's here too.

MaryMotherOfCheeses Fri 29-Jun-12 23:20:43

tbh, I'm so pfbish that I'd have checked before they were sleeping at my house. I'd have wanted mobile numbers in advance and checked by text, if I didn't know the parents.

At this stage, I don't know that there's much you can do other then text the parents to say "xxx is here and all is fine, are you collecting her in the morning?"

usualsuspect Fri 29-Jun-12 23:20:54

How can you know all the parents of your childrens friends?

usualsuspect Fri 29-Jun-12 23:22:09

I mean I didn't know any of my childrens friends parents once they went to secondary school

mercibucket Fri 29-Jun-12 23:22:47

Yep ours have had sleepovers like that. They've always turned up again the next day smile
Probably be a bit more careful with teens tbh

mercibucket Fri 29-Jun-12 23:22:47

Yep ours have had sleepovers like that. They've always turned up again the next day smile
Probably be a bit more careful with teens tbh

VivaLeBeaver Fri 29-Jun-12 23:24:46

She goes to secondary school in sept and I guess will be making friends there with kids who's parents I won't know. I won't mind her going for sleepovers but do think I'm going to have to either drop her off or ring them beforehand.

Nothings been arranged about taking these girls home tomorrow. I think they're all just planning to walk themselves home. I'm going to drive them all home though, they're not far away but then I know they've got back.

Maryz Fri 29-Jun-12 23:25:01

I always check (and mine are 15 and 14 now blush) but I'm constantly amazed by how many parents don't.

I used to always ring them and say "you do know your kids are at my house" but having been called a control-freak and told to "chill" a number of times, I've given up.

I simply don't understand it, but I appear to be in the minority.

TheSpokenNerd Fri 29-Jun-12 23:28:00

I am ith MaryMotherofCHeese! 11 is very young imo.

Maryz Fri 29-Jun-12 23:28:08

Oh, and dd's friends always tell their parents they are staying in various friends houses when they are in apartments with older boys or their friend's older brother's places hmm. I have warned dd that I won't lie for her, because I discovered once they were saying they were staying here.

I won't allow mixed sleepovers until mine are 17, but then I'm a prude, apparently.

usual, we get a printout from the school when the children start in secondary with names, addresses and home numbers of the entire year. So through that, I have mobile numbers for most of my children's friends - but that is because my children (dd and ds2 that is, ds1 was a whole other story) are quite happy to tell me the truth.

TheSpokenNerd Fri 29-Jun-12 23:28:42

They're still in PRIMARY??? What are their parents thinking!

usualsuspect Fri 29-Jun-12 23:30:29

Really you get a print out, I trusted my DCs fool that I am , but tbh they never had to lie

VoldemortsNipple Fri 29-Jun-12 23:30:45

Once dcs get to high school it is much harder to know friends let alo.e their parents. However DD is 16 and I always insist on speaking to parents, even if its one phone call to say, Hi I'm just checking DD is sleeping in your house tonight, is that right?

A couple of friends who were into heavy metal when we were 14 had "sleepovers" in each others houses every weekend for 3 years, while secretly going clubbing and staying out all night until they could return home at a reasonable hour.

MrsJohnMurphy Fri 29-Jun-12 23:32:19

Oh gawd yes I would always check, we got up to all sorts using this loophole, bowling until 12am was surprisingly effective too hmm.

Maryz Fri 29-Jun-12 23:34:37

Yes, we got a printout, which has been great for dd and ds2 as their friends are well scattered (large country-ish catchment, so children have to be transported to friends' houses)

Not that it did us much good with ds1. The first secondary sleepover he went on when he was 12, we obeyed all the rules, we rang them, we dropped him there, we asked what they were doing (dvd and pizza we were told).

But at 12.30 am we got a phone call from the local police station as ds1 and two others had been arrested with fireworks, and one of the boys had cannabis.

The mother had put them in a taxi to the local town to get the pizza. And they got into a fight with local youths and stolen fireworks, and it all went downhill from there.

The mum (when I contacted her the next day) was pissed off with ds1 for being arrested - her son wasn't arrested as he knew the area and so ran faster hmm

So I trust no parents, ever.

OwlsOnStrings Fri 29-Jun-12 23:37:18

Yes, definitely. Can't imagine not doing it. I also check for my 13 yr old and nobody has commented on it yet. I plan to continue for as long as possible. Going by what I was like the further into the teens the more likely it is to be an Evil Scheme.

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