Anyone else got an 11yo with poor personal hygiene?

[mrsftarzee]

Dd, 11 looks older, started period about a year ago. She will shower and wash her hair, but the rest no . She has to be forced to use deodarant, moisturiser or dispose of STs. I've tried nagging, standing over her, rewards. She ends up very sweaty and smelly, but doesn't seem to care. Not sure where to go from here or why she's doing it

[CeliaFate]

My niece was like this. With her, it was a case of her being in denial about growing up. She rationalised it by thinking if she acted the way she did when she was younger and ignored everything to do with puberty she could delay growing up. Could that be the case with your dd?
I think you have to be tough here - or she may end up getting bullied for her lack of personal hygiene. Insist on clean clothes and underwear every day and a shower every morning and evening. Does she have a stick or spray deodorant? She may hate the smell or the wet feeling of a spray, in which case a solid deodorant could work.
Would she be interested in a shopping trip to choose her own smellies? It's very difficult not to sound judgemental to her, but tell her you're doing it to avoid her being bullied by others.

[MadameCastafiore]

DD is like this - think she just lazy and can't see that this stuff is important - she does dispose of sanitary towels but deoderant and moisturiser are forgotten everyday!

[Canella]

Dd (10.6) is like this too (altho her periods havent started yet). She sometimes comes home from school with shocking BO - how she doesnt notice I've no idea. And the greasy hair -aaaaarrrrggghhhhh!!

No advice apart from nag, nag, nag and daily showers. I'm hoping it'll get better.

[CalatalieSisters]

I sympathise with the problem: both my sons were like this at 11. They changed rapidly around 12-13 and now have to be prised out of their 30-minute showers.

But I have a question. You worry about your daughters not using moisturiser, to the point where you nag them into it??! Why? That's not a hygiene thing, is it, but a cosmetic choice? It makes me feel a bit sad to think of girls being pressured into a "beauty" regime that probably benefits retailers more than the girls themselves.

[mrsftarzee]

Celiafate
Thanks for the advice, we've done more than one shopping trip to choose the smellies. I tried the bullying tac as well, but she doesn't seem to care about that either

[ilovesprouts]

my brother is 40 and hes stinks ,hes always mucky ,my other brother allways smells damp etc ewwwwwwwwwww

[mrsftarzee]

CalatalieSisters
Glad to hear that I have only got a year or so to go Dd is 12 soon.

Please dont worry about the moisturiser, you're talking to a woman who's still trying to figure out what the 7 signs of ageing are. In this case moisturising isnt part of a "beauty" regime its essential skincare for people of black origin. We have naturally dry skin- moisturising is part of daily routine for black men and women.

[mrsftarzee]

Canella, I'm soooooooooooooooooo glad that nagging isn't outlawed, cos I seem to do alot of it

[CalatalieSisters]

I'm just an old curmudgeon about all these baffling products, mrsftarzee. I spent my children's early years trying (and failing) to pluck up the courage to never use shampoo on them ever. How did we all manage before consumer society?

I'm a bit of a greasy type so perhaps that's why the moisturising thing seemed surprising to me. I shouldn't generalise.

It is interesting to hear of girls of eleven being as hygiene-shy as boys (I don't have any girls). In a way it is quite reassuring (up to a point!)

[mrsftarzee]

CalatalieSisters
No problem..... . I don't understant it but, I'm hoping that its just a temporary blip and we'll move from deodarant avoidance phase to the deodarant using phase sometime soon .

[mrsobriain]

My DD is the same, but I never thought about it being anything to do with the subconscious / conscious denial about having to grow up. That is really interesting and I am going to have to think of something else to try and make her wash and moisturise. I will post if I actually think of anything !

[mrsftarzee]

Please do post if you come up with any answers. I dont' know how to move forward with this.

[yellowraincoat]

I feel for you OP, that must be horrible, you don't want to feel like you're nagging but at the same time, she needs to learn.

Could you try her with a different product? Lush do a coconut deodarant powder she might like.

Difficult problem though, hope it resolves itself soon.

[Theas18]

Come over o the teens threads. We have lots like this!

For me it's " you smell shower and deodorant or no tea, we don't have smelly people at the dinner table" I don't seem to have damaged anyone psyche permanently.... We are just coming out the other side with the 12 yr old youngest.

This too will pass.

[CalatalieSisters]

Just a word of reassurance, because you sound quite down about it: I did find with both of my children that this was one of those things that you can talk about until you are blue in the face without making much of an impact, but that they will just "get it" when they are ready and not before.

I'm finding that increasingly as my children get older: I worry endlessly about something that seems vitally important for them, and that they seem not to care about. Before they are ready for it, nothing I say has any effect, but once they decide for themselves, nothing from me seems necessary at all. It seems like part of the painful process of stepping back as a parent and realising that you are less and less able to manage things for them.

I would worry if she seemed depressed -- if lack of self-care seemed like a symptom of listlessness, negativity; otherwise I think it might just be something that will put itself right in time.

[Chiefwitchfromdownsouth]

yellowcoat
Wish I could go into Lush, but the smell of the place makes me feel sick. I walk on the other side of the shopping centre to avoid the place.

[Ouluckyduck]

Showering twice a day sounds a bit excessive though?

[Eviepoo]

My 12 year old DD is terrible at the moment, she hasn't started her periods yet but sometimes does have a little discharge - she is also rubbish at wiping properly when going to loo. I went a bit mental about the state of her knickers and it has improved a little.
The major battle is getting her to clean her teeth properly...this has been ongoing forever though
We have had to take perfume and body sprays off her as she covers herself in them.
However she doesn't bath, shower or wash unless we nag - sometimes I ask her to go in the bath with DD2 (5 months) as an excuse so I know she's been in some hot water!!
Her fingernails are dirty, she often writes on her hands at school, which DH and I hate and told her off for a hundred times.
She cakes her hair with dry shampoo/hairspray. I told her today it was scruffy, she just argued with me.
DH and I are clean freaks so this is so hard for us. I don't want her to be bullied but then I am sick of nagging and surely at 12 she should know that she has to wash. I have told her people will not want to be her friend if she doesn't wash...deaf ears and all that.
Thing is she wants to dress all grown up (and would dress in designer gear if we let her) but whats the point of dressing nice over dirt?

I (some what bias opinion I know) think she is stunningly beautiful, just downright grubby.
I like the - 'you don't wash you don't get dinner' option :)

[2012resolutionlesstv]

Glad to know my 12.5yo dd not so unusual and I've not cracked it either! Underarm bo is one of the most noticeable issues and I've made some headway on that by making sure we have packs of wipes in her bedroom and in the bathroom (usually strategically placed by me with deodorant on top of clothes due to be put on).

Whilst I'm sure wipes strip off natural oils or something and I'd prefer her to wash properly (daily shower surely not too much to ask?) this is definitely better than nothing and has almost completely stopped me picking up clothes and wincing at the smell.

Hopefully a stopgap until she discovers the joys of proper cleaning

[LotsOfGoodFunThatIsFunny]

My 10 year old DD is just like this except she hasn't started her periods yet. If she had her way she would never brush her teeth, have a bath or change her knickers! I'm forever having to tell her to get dressed because her clothes are dirty! It drives me crazy but hopefully it is something she will grow out of!