Nursery discipline

[Vijac]

My ds 3 hit another child at nursery school today. This is out of character but I think he's a bit over tired at the moment due to a night cough. When I picked him up I was told and they said that they put his picture from the sun to the thunder cloud for half an hour as punishment and that he was very upset about this. I'm just interested to know if this type of punishment is normal at nurseries and if you agree with it. I don't really like the idea of shaming the children in front of everyone but obviously I do want him to learn that he can't hit.

[Scabetty]

I think it's pretty standard. What would you have done/preferred? How do you deal with behaviour issues at home?

[Vijac]

I'm not really sure. I think I would have and I would have expected them to just tell him it was naughty, maybe tell him off a bit and make him apologise. Then have a talk about why it's not good to hit-hurts people etc and what you could do instead.

[Heels99]

Yes, its hardly the end of the world and seems it was effective if he was sad about it!
They do this in school as well, children get put on the sad face or the cloud or whatever.

[Heels99]

They probably did the other things you mentioned as well, they will have explained why he was moving to the cloud

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

Oh I think that is quite effective! DDs pre school have "time out chair".

Tbh these pre schools have a lot of stuff going on in the rooms, so I trust them to do whatever works (obvs no smacking etc), to instil order and good behaviour.

[BackforGood]

Yes, those sorts of charts are fairly common - and clearly if it upset your ds a bit, then that's a good thing, as hopefully it will mean he won't want it to happen again so won't hit again ?
I agree with ThinkI've, tbh, youhave to trust the staff in the rooms to deal with things that happen in the rooms to some extent - they are often balancing the needs of several children, not just yours, and a lot of children don't learn well without visual cues backing up what adults say to them.

[Lazaretto]

What else did they do? Did they figure out why he hit the other child? Did they give him appropriate strategies in case the situation arises again. It seems a but lazy for a first offense to be honest.

[Lazaretto]

Shaming and or punishment is not effective in my opinion especially for nursery age children.

[Vijac]

Thanks everyone. Mumsnet is very useful for checking out my pfb angst! Clearly this is normal and fine. Just felt a bit sorry for his long face when I collected him.

[callamia]

They are really common. I don't know how effective they really are, but I also don't think they're the worst method. I'm sure that your child would learn not to hit using a less punitive method too, but it's not going to do him any harm.

[Vijac]

Oh cross posts. Now I don't know what to think!

[callamia]

I've read through these, and I agree broadly with lazaretto. It would be better to use more constructive strategies, but perhaps this happened too?

[Vijac]

Lazaretto, no mention of any other action or why he did it.

[Lazaretto]

Ok...I think it's lazy and reactive. Maybe you should speak to him and see if you can figure out why although it really needs to be done at the time. ..leave it. However, maybe gently ask if there's a next time that they discuss it with him, investigate the trigger and give him an alternative way of communicating his feelings /needs.

[Lazaretto]

The issue I have with methods like this is it isn't tailored to the child or the situation. It's a blanket response which doesn't really teach him anything other than not to hit. Which is I suppose beneficial but next time he wants to hit...what will he do? Will he be able to control himself (unlikely at the age) ...will he have any deeper understanding of how he's feeling. ..These things have to be introduced bit by bit in order to teach emotional intelligence.

[mummybare]

It wouldn't be the way I would choose to discipline my child at home but a nursery setting is a bit different, I think.

If it becomes a persistent problem then it might be worth digging a bit deeper with the nursery staff about their methods but as you say it's out of character for him I wouldn't be too concerned.

If you want to get to the bottom of why it happened, perhaps you could try role playing with your DS and some of his toys? Maybe get some toys and have one hit the other and use it as a way of discussing it with him? ('Oh dear, bunny just hit bear, why do you think he did that? Oh, I see, did bear take bunny's toy? That made bunny angry, didn't it? What else could bunny have done to make it better?' Etc. etc.)

[Vijac]

Thanks mummybare, I'll try that. Tbh i think he is probably just over tired and possibly getting a bit more boisterous and learning where the boundaries are with rough play.

[merlehaggard]

I don't think my son's nursery has any system as such but they would just deal with the incident, talk to them, explain how other child felt, ask them to apologise etc.

[Somemumsodd]

The system is very common in reception classes - all our local schools have a version of this. Typically DC start on happy face / green and can move to Amber or red if behaviour is not great etc Peer pressure is a useful tool as they want to stay on smiley

[morethanpotatoprints]

I don't think that punishment should be a form of discipline tbh, but that's why I didn't use pre schools.
I found education to be the best way to instil good discipline in a child.
So many people get mixed up and see that to have good discipline you need to punish rather than educate.

[TiggyD]

A pretty common thing in nurseries. Towards the end of resorts, but useful sometimes when a child isn't concerned about any other punishments.

[cartoonsaveme]

I would expect a discussion with the child as well. It is definately a common place thing to have this type of thing is early years settings at school. It's about setting global rules about acceptable and not and expected behaviour

[attheendoftheday]

I don't like the whole idea of this, it's using humiliation as a punishment! It certainly doesn't happen at my preschool. I don't think you are being pfb.

[getawaynow]

One nursery I worked in used this happy sun/sad cloud as a form of punishment. I personally don't like it. At 3 the child understands his emotions and can be vocalise a certain amount, speaking with him should be sufficient if a one off occurrence. Humiliation has no place in early education. If difficult behaviour is an issue then reward charts do help however as this was out of character for him there was no reason to make a big issue out of it.