35 weeker, now home

[Rubysmummy2016]

My little girl is now 37 weeks today and has been home with me for 4 days. I have to admit, I'm struggling. Whenever she struggles with a feed, I feel so guilty that I couldn't keep her safe inside me for longer.

My waters broke at 33 weeks and I begged them to let me be induced at 35 weeks rather than 34 because I wanted to give her chance to gain more weight (weighed 5lb2 when born). But with every struggle that she has to overcome, I feel terrible.

Doesn't help that every night when I manage to get an hour or two sleep, I wake up having nightmares about the labor that leave me in a cold sweat and feeling sick. Plus, after having been in hospital for the first 10 days of her life, I find myself obsessing over the mils of feed she has every time she eats (even though the midwife has told me not to panic, as she's an ounce away from her birthweight now after and 8% drop) and her strict schedule in the hospital meant I only had 20 minutes from the beginning of the feed to the end, I'm struggling to let that go and relax it. I don't even know what a "normal" amount of time to feed is?

I just want to enjoy my baby, but I can't shake this guilt and this nagging feeling that I could have done more to keep her safe for longer.

Anyone else ever felt like this?

[lamusic]

Please please speak to someone. Your midwife your health worker or your gp X

[OhIfIMust]

It is really hard when you come out of hospital but if you're really worried and blaming yourself for what's happened with your baby PLEASE don't and as PP said - speak to your midwife, GP or HV about how you're feeling. They can be a big help xx

[JaneHair]

Hi OP. I'm so sorry you've gone through this. The reason why they didn't induce at 35 weeks is because it is recommended that hospitals induce at 34 weeks if a woman has prom (premature rupture of membranes) as there is increasing risk of the mother developing an infection and causing complications at birth. It is considered safer to induce at 34 then risk infection.

I'm not a doctor so happy to be corrected by any medics on here.

My waters broke at 25 weeks and I carried on to 32 weeks, then developed an infection which led to an emergency c-section and DD being born very, very sick. They plan was to induce at 34 but I'd already developed an infection by then.

So if it is any comfort at all, being induced at 34 weeks to avoid infection was the best route to take.

I highly recommend the charity Bliss which supports families with premature babies. I would also recommend some counselling which helped me a lot.

You have nothing to feel guilty about. Love her, care for her, and know that you are not alone