Any Mums recently home with a prem?

(107 Posts)
FraggleRock77 Sun 08-Dec-13 05:52:33

We are into our fourth day now and it's tough but so worth it. How are other people coping? Have you managed to keep all the visitors away? smileXx

plentyofsoap Mon 09-Dec-13 12:01:01

Congrats on being home! grin We have been back home 7 weeks now. I limited friends and made it very clear no coughs or running noses near her. Also no little ones under five, avoided crowded shops too. She is past her due date so doing more now and she has to be exposed to germs to some extent.
I keep a notebook with times and amounts milk she is taking.
I know when we got ds home its a shock as the support network in hopital has gone. You will find your own routine prems sleep loads... make sure you do to.

FraggleRock77 Mon 09-Dec-13 13:24:35

Hey Soap, sounds like you are coping really well. I totally agree with the germs thing. They have to be exposed at some point.
We are keeping friends and small children at arms length too. Just close family at present.
DS's due date is New Year's Eve so really looking forward to progressing to more outings and more weight gain.
What gestation was your LO born? It is really hard to go from staff 24/7 to just DH and home visits. We have got into a routine now but dreading DH going back to work!! X

plentyofsoap Mon 09-Dec-13 13:37:03

It is hard when they go back to work as I'm finding the lack of sleep difficult some days. Both of mine were 33 weeks, ds was extra hard though as he was a rubbish feeder and weight gain was slow so I was extra anxious. Try and get out when you feel up to it. I went out for breakfast this morning just me and an old lady in the cafe! I'm aiming for the new year to do a couple of surestart courses with her and there is a local prem baby group I might go to as well.
New year will be extra special for you both.

FraggleRock77 Mon 09-Dec-13 13:40:40

Great that you have a prem group near you, i might look in my area too. I'm just so used to being full steam ahead busy and pottering so it's hard to slow right down. I love to read but can't seem to focus. Although I'm worried about my DH going back to work i think it will encourage me to get into a routine like you and get out more. grin

plentyofsoap Mon 09-Dec-13 16:54:20

I think it does you good to just get out a few times a week and it will stop you getting cabin fever! Surestarts are great as well just call them and explain you circs and they will suggest groups. Mine also has a free sensory room which ds loved when he was a baby.
Don't put too much pressure on yourself, but once due date arrives you have a "term baby" so enjoy the time as much as you can. I stressed so much with ds I really do not want to do that with dd.

MiaowTheCat Tue 10-Dec-13 07:05:29

The bit I remember finding hard was going to groups and finding my child "behind" their chronological peers - especially when it came to sitting, crawling etc. Then all of a sudden things changed and she's bloody streets ahead of lots of them in terms of speech, understanding of number, comedy potential etc... long grind but you get there!

FraggleRock77 Tue 10-Dec-13 10:29:46

I can imagine that will be hard, The Cat. I think for me it will be the constant explanation of why they are so small etc that will annoy me. I'm hoping that once you've explained once to the group that the questions will dry up x

MultipleMama Tue 10-Dec-13 20:41:09

I just tell my visitors to back off. But politely. It's RSV season, so I'm quite strict though I have taken her out a few times!

The first week was nerve wracking! I was so scared that something would go wrong. However, after a while, I started to learn about her little ticks, and cries. So the confidence came back. She and her brother are my first preemies but not first DC. It was like being a new mama all over again! I hate people holding her - even my dad. I get a little paranoid so he knows to wash his hands in front of me and remove his coat before holding her. I carry her constantly and even the DC can only kiss her stomach at the minute. I've got a cold plus a nasty cough, now I'm so paranoid that I'm going to infect her that I wash the sheets daily, constantly wash my hands on top of showering morning and night! complete mess.

She's been home 4 weeks now and passed her due date a week ago so I'm starting to venture out a little more just for the fresh air. smile

As for people commenting on her size, I just shrug or just point out that she was a preemie, if they ask her age, and depending on my mood they either get her ges age or actual age. I've had one person who tried to ask for details but I told her that's private.

NewToAllThis11 Tue 10-Dec-13 22:35:43

Congratulations on your baby coming home! My DS came home in July, so quite a while ago now, but I was very nervy in the first few days and was dreading my DH going back to work, but actually, it was, and is, fine. Just take things slowly and only do what you're comfortable with. You and your DS will be able to get into a nice routine now.

I actually found, and continue to find, other people's reactions and intrusive questions, the hardest thing to deal with. My DS came home on oxygen and I have had so many nosy strangers or people in shops asking me about why he was premature and even how he is mentally (!!?). I've wanted to tell people to mind their own sodding business lots of times, but haven't actually managed it, I think more due to shock about what some people think is acceptable to ask a complete stranger. And the amount of people who told me that their baby was bigger at birth than DS was at 6months! So irritating and insensitive!

Afraid this has turned a bit ranty, but the main thing I wanted to say was that you'll be fine and your DS is much better at home with you.

plentyofsoap Wed 11-Dec-13 01:19:40

New, I found the comments from others hard too. I had the mental question from a woman once who would not stop bloody going on about it. Very upsetting. If he were to have a disability it would not change anything so why ask?
Alot of my friends had children at the same time and five years on he is the only one without any issues at all. My aunt had two prems (like me) and said that once they are out they never stop trying to catch up!
This time round dd is alot bigger so its not obvious and I am more confident to handle any comments. Its not easy though. I have had a few about my inability to have term babies which has been rather rude shock

MultipleMama Wed 11-Dec-13 09:23:03

That's shocking plenty! I've had a few people try and lean in to see her. I thought how bloody rude of them - I have a sign that basically keep off and when they ignore it it sends me into a fit. DH doesn't stand for it at all that man is brilliant and putting their nosey noses back in their place!

NewToAllThis11 Wed 11-Dec-13 09:50:09

Sorry to hear you've experienced similar comments, plenty. The 'how is he mentally' woman was a shop assistant in a clothes shop I'd dashed into to quickly buy some jeans (on my only brief shopping trip since DS came home!). She basically followed me around the shop - it was horrible. I did say to her 'he's fine' through gritted teeth, but, as plenty said, he's still my son even if he had a disability. But then she said, 'I suppose they can't tell'!
For some reason people seem to think babies are access all areas. Lots of people have wanted to touch DS's hand. Er no, his hands are always in his mouth. I wouldnt have that even if he hadn't been prem.

plentyofsoap Wed 11-Dec-13 11:25:32

I must admit I put a complaint in about a staff member at next who asked how old my ds was and then compared him to her ds. Her ds was far bigger ect. I only went in to buy clothes and I don't judge other peoples children when I'm doing my job. Harsh,but I was sick of it.
I think others do it sometimes due to their own insecurities (or they are just rude)

FraggleRock77 Wed 11-Dec-13 14:34:32

That is really shocking Plenty, how awful. I would struggle to keep my cool if someone tried to raise that sort of conversation with me. Xxx

Pipsmilkmaid Wed 11-Dec-13 15:01:17

DS is now 18 weeks actual I wear him in a sling most of the time we're out after a couple of bad experiences with old women. He likes to have a look round now he's bigger and I bought a special babywearibg coat on eBay.
We did a slow process of introducing him to family members before they held him, they all understood. Everyone has to wash their hands/ anti bac if out before they go near him.
We've lost a few friends because we said no holding it's RSV season but we're better off without those people.
Our out reach team said going out was ok germs came from close contact.

plentyofsoap Wed 11-Dec-13 15:17:02

Pips thats rubbish about some of your friends, you are right about being better off without them. Even if they don't understand they should show some emphathy.
I'm still putting one friend off still as she has three little ones who are ALWAYS ill. Its not worth the risk.

Pipsmilkmaid Wed 11-Dec-13 18:47:59

Thanks plenty I hope your friends more understanding, I started going to a breastfeeding group and am making new friends the babies are around his corrected age and the mums are considerate, they let me know if their baby had a cold etc.

FraggleRock77 Wed 11-Dec-13 20:20:19

Breast feeding group sounds interesting? smileX

Pipsmilkmaid Wed 11-Dec-13 21:01:32

It's run by our health visitor at the clinic they refer to it as a breastfeeding clinic but most of us go to meet other mums and eat biscuits.

Poppet45 Wed 11-Dec-13 21:03:05

I used to dread weigh in clinics once DD was strong enough. I'd look at similar sized babies to her at age 6 months, then I'd hear the hv asking the mums if they'd had their six week check yet sob. 'Best' comment was mil who noted my ds was too big, my dd was too small would a third be about right. Oh how I didnt laugh. Esp as dd wasnt even out of hdu yet...

FraggleRock77 Wed 11-Dec-13 21:24:34

Oh Poppet, what a MIL! The HV was trying to convince me to attend for the weigh in clinic but I'm not totally convinced or ready x

plentyofsoap Wed 11-Dec-13 21:54:54

Thats awful about the mil it must have been very upsetting to listen to that. I hated those weighing clinics! This time I have a good hv who came to the house until I was happy to take her out. She also said we only have to go once a month as this shows a clearer picture of weight gain and stops mums being over anxious each week.
I made some good friends at the baby/toddler groups as he got older try different ones and different activities.

Poppet45 Wed 11-Dec-13 22:40:28

That does sound v soon Fraggle. I had a lovely hv that visited us at home for a good three months or so, dont let yrs rush you esp in peak rsv season. Is yr lo getting the monthly rsv jag over winter? Dd did and it really helped... She waited til the year after to get hospitalised with pneumonia. It can be a long slog but this year she's finally robust touches wood. Take it easy lovelies.

Pipsmilkmaid Thu 12-Dec-13 02:34:31

It does sound quite soon to be going. I started by going at the end of the clinic but it was my choice., the hospital had me in a spin about his weight gain and the hv wasn't planning in coming out as he'd been weighed by the gp. I think I've been really lucky we 'be had a lot of wider support our gp started by seeing ds every two weeks though I hated sitting in the waiting rooms was terrified of someone trying to touch him no one did it's been the same when going to the clinic.
Poppet that's horrible from your mil the best I had was he was a proper baby now from sfil

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