This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Chosen to have a abortion and have no1 to talk to.

(11 Posts)
Aloneandneedingtotalk Mon 19-Sep-16 16:03:03

Hi I'm not 100% why I'm posting to be honest just feel I need talk to someone about it as I can't in rl.

So I found out I'm pregnant last week completely freaked me out as I just thought I was doing the test as a way to put my mind at rest so when them lines came up I broke down I couldn't cope with another at the moment I have 2 dc already and my youngest 3 is extremely hard work suspected adhd/asd.

So I knew straight away that I would need to have a abortion spoke to dh about it when he got in from work and he agreed.
I phoned bpas the next day and have got a appointment on Thursday, not sure what to expect and I'm so scared as will be going alone as dh is working and can't get the time off and I have not told anyone else to ask anyone to come with me, the main reason of that is the one person I could probably confide in my bf actually found out she was pregnant I week before I did so I feel I really can't tell her as it would be really insensitive and would make things awkward between us.

I feel terrible for Lying to her but I justified it by saying I'm not lying I'm just not saying anything but today I did actually lie to her because she said I take it your not pregnant then and I said no 😞 because the week before when she told me she was pregnant I joked saying well I'm hoping in not in the same boat cus me and dh kinda slipped up last month.
To make things even worse she has a scan Thursday aswell as midwifes arnt sure how far along she is as she has irregular periods.

As I said I dunno why I'm posting I just need to talk to someone I think as dh doesn't really like talking about it I think he prefers to pretend it's not happening and I know how that feels I wish I could aswell sad

JinkxMonsoon Mon 19-Sep-16 16:21:14

I'm sorry you're in such a tough situation. I can understand why you feel like you needed to lie to your friend - I probably would have done the same in your shoes.

I'm sorry your DH isn't being more supportive either. It's easy for him to pretend it's not happening, but it IS happening and he should acknowledge that, because it's happening to you and your body and it was a mutual mistake.

Hope it all goes as well as can be expected flowers

Aloneandneedingtotalk Mon 19-Sep-16 16:51:26

Hi jinkx thanks for your response.
It's not that dh is not supportive he is he's been really nice and caring since we found out and he's been really helpful in finding someone to have dd for me Thursday he's just not great at talking about this sort of stuff it's partly been me aswell as I haven't been talking about it either.

Just don't know what to expect on Thursday am hoping they will let me go ahead with the abortion on Thursday and not just want to talk about it as I'm 100% sure and don't want the pregnancy to proceed any further than this week.

tarheelbaby Mon 19-Sep-16 17:15:46

It's so hard when there's no one to talk to about things like this. My DH is not a chatty, emotional type but for things like this I remind him that there really is no one else he'd like me to talk to and he's then very good about just listening.

Several years ago, I thought I would have to go through this. At the first appointment they confirmed that I knew what I was doing and was comfortable with continuing and asked me to sign some forms. They then gave me a quick scan/ultrasound and discovered that I was no longer actually preggers! I was v. relieved. If you have to continue, however, it's worth finding a friend or asking your DH to take some time off for the later appointment because that will be much more intense and you might like to have someone with you afterwards.

wishing you all the best.

Gowgirl Mon 19-Sep-16 17:19:00

Pm me if you need toflowers been there and like you didn't want to think about it

Aloneandneedingtotalk Mon 19-Sep-16 17:31:35

Dh would love to get the time off work but there's already someone else off that day in the office so he can't. sad

Gowgirl Mon 19-Sep-16 21:16:24

If you are in w London you can talk at me and I will be on hand with tissues and sympathy....

Aloneandneedingtotalk Wed 21-Sep-16 15:00:25

So the appointments tomorrow I know they probably won't let me go ahead with the actual abortion tomorrow but still really scared especially cus I'm going on my own but then that's my own fault really for not wanting to tell anyone. Really hope as scared as I am that they say I can come back the next day for the abortion as my local clinic is only open Thursday's and Friday's and I really don't want to have wait another week it's hard enough not to think about the pregnany as it is without being another week.

Anyone been through a medical abortion I'm so scared of what's gonna happen, I've read up on the bpas page of what happens but still its freaking me out sad

January87 Sat 24-Sep-16 17:24:37

I had a medical abortion about 3 months ago. One thing I didn't realise is that diarrhea is a side effect of the medication used for the abortion. So be aware of that, keep your hydration up. It was painful, worse than a period. Bleeding was heavy for first 24 hours then it eased off after that.

I hope you got on ok yesterday. I'm here to talk if you need to.

Branleuse Sat 24-Sep-16 17:34:41

I had a medical abortion years and years ago, and it was fine. In and out the same day. Massive relief. Im so grateful we have choices.
Sending you lots of hugs and strength. Itll all be OK xxx

Branleuse Sat 24-Sep-16 17:35:47

only thing ill warn you about, is I remember having a hormone crash, not dissimilar to the blues you get after childbirth, and I felt tearful and wobbly for a while, but it passed and its just hormones x

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