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Pregnancy

My whole world is being turned upside down and no one understands!!

9 replies

dappymoo · 30/06/2010 21:07

Oh my god I am really at an all time low and don't even understand anything myself!
I've been really down for the last couple of weeks, work has been totally stressful and my colleagues are REALLY not helping, in fact I think they're making things MORE difficult...

And my "friends" do not understand that I can't do everything I used to be able to do and that actually being designated driver really isn't that much fun....

And people seem to delight in telling me how massive I am, and I wasn't happy with my size before getting pregnant so now having people openly say I'm huge is NOT FUN!

And my boyfriend is usually lovely but doesn't get why I'm so tired, and whenever I hint that perhaps he could make dinner for a change he whinges like a b*tch! I am soooooooo fed up of "being a trooper" and doing everything I ever have.

At the same time I'm also so fed up of having to admit I can't do stuff and undergoing such a massive life change, men think it doesn't happen til the baby is here but hello!! My whole life is different already!

And for some reason my brain has decided now is a really good time to miss my dad who died last year, just throw that into the mix eh?? whyee?

Oh hang on I almost forgot, I also am trying to arrange my wedding at which I will be the size of a house and the ugliest bride there ever was, and my groom will probably run a mile or marry me with gritted teeth as I'm so obviously with child.

MASSIVE TANTRUM!!!! and then when I go to the docs (I don't know why) OH asks aren't I making a mountain out of a molehill aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

OP posts:

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happyhildebrand · 30/06/2010 21:38

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BelleDameSansMerci · 30/06/2010 21:42

I felt quite similar to this when I was pregnant... It's so hard - especially when you've always been the "trooper".

Perhaps try to slow down a bit and be kind to yourself?

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japhrimel · 01/07/2010 09:28

I would put your foot down when it comes to your OH helping out. Just tell him something like "I'm too tired to make dinner: can you do it or do we need to get takeaway?".

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TheCrackFox · 01/07/2010 09:39

It can be quite lonely being pregnant sometimes.

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thedogwalker · 01/07/2010 09:43

I'm 33+4 and already on maternity leave. When my DH questoned how could I possibly be tired when I did nothing all day, I didn't argue, I just did exactly what he accused me of.

When he came home from work to find his stuff exactly where he had left it, i.e. undies on the floor, breakfast bowl, coffee cup still on dining table, no hoovering, no cleaning done, no clothes washed, he finally realised that there are no magical fairies and that I don't sit on my bum all day. He has since been very understanding.

You must OH down and tell him how you feel and then afterwards have some 'you time'. Have some quality down time, whether that be relaxing in the bath or going for a pedicure, trust me, a pedicure on your tired feet will do wonders.

You are not alone and I think most of us have been through what you are now going through. I'm 37 years old and to now have my first child was a very big turnaround for me, always been the career woman. But it can and will get better, you just need to tell OH and ignore anyone else.

Good luck and I hope things improve

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EMS23 · 01/07/2010 10:32

dappymoo - I understand. I frigging hate the "designated driver" thing. It does my bloody head in.

My DH, much as I love him and he is trying, doesn't seem to get it.

But I love love what thedogwalker did, leaving it all day so he could see how much she does. Maybe a bit of shock therapy like that will help.
I think the dinner idea is really good too - flat say, I'm not doing it so you do it or we get a takeaway.
Making dinner isn't just making it, it's deciding what to have and shopping for it and cleaning up after it. Most men don't get that do they?

As for the grief you are dealing with - it's perfectly understandable and it can come at any time but now, with you being pregnant, it makes sense. Remember all the good things about your Dad, visit him if that helps, whatever you need.

I don't know you and have no idea what you look like but I can guarantee you will look amazing on your wedding day and people will comment for years to come that they have never seen such a beautiful bride! Hope that helps a bit!
xxx

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missdt · 01/07/2010 12:27

Dappymoo I completely sympathise. My OH gets home after 7 so by the time he's in I've already got home, got tea ready and on, done the washing up from the day before, tidied. He works 40 miles away so I understand that he has a lot of travelling but he leaves the house after me because he doesn't want to get up early - it would be nice if he went in early so he could finish early and make tea. I don't mean to be ungrateful because he works hard but I just get riled sometimes as I do too and my journey isn't much shorter than his as I have to walk 15 minutes and bus across town. Rant over.

Anyway I'm getting married at 28 weeks and had been feeling awkward about being huge but I seem to be past caring now. How far will you be? I can't think for a moment that you won't look lovely and your groom will feel nothing but love and happiness when he sees you at the altar

I'm sorry about your dad. I lost mine 6 years ago but sometimes it seems like yesterday. A year is nothing even without pregnancy hormones. I cried for mine the other day, it's hard knowing he won't be at my wedding or meeting his grandchild. Life is unfair sometimes. I'm sure he would be very proud of you.

x

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LouM10 · 01/07/2010 13:07

I would suggest finding a website which briefly but explicitly explains how tiring it is making a baby. My DH was a bit funny about being at work all day, and me not being bothered to make his tea when I had done nothing, but I went on some websites and read out what they said about tiredness, carrying heavy bags etc. And he's been brilliant ever since.

If you just say you're tired, he'll think so what, so am I. If you show him proof that pregnancy causes all these problems, and it's not just an excuse to sit on your arse, hopefully he will be a little bit more understanding.

My DH wasn't the type of expectant father who went straight online to find out all he could about impending fatherhood, and what I would be going through so I just had to give him a little heads up. Good luck with whatever you do, and hope he starts letting you put your feet up without making you feel guilty. x

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dappymoo · 01/07/2010 17:25

Thanks guys. Glad you know where I'm coming from, I actually fell asleep after that rant last night and felt so much better this morning, I even went back to work!

You're right, I must be more assertive. I had a bit of a go at OH last night and he seems very apologetic and grateful today...

TheCrackFox that's hit the nail on the head too. i think I am lonely. My friends are all still single and living it up in London, my mum can't remember pregnancy! and my OH is well, a man. I need pregnant friends! I start antenatal classes in a few weeks so maybe that will help...

I'm 27 weeks by the way. But big. And last night my milk came in which I totally wasn't expecting!!! I don't know if that would cause a massive surge of hormones and tiredness but it would explain my current mood!! And also... EWW?!