depression in pregnancy - help!

[Anifersgirl]

I'm 13 weeks and whilst I've been pretty happy and excited up until now, I had my first scan last Friday and then a weekend announcing the news to friends, and suddenly I just feel utterly depressed and can't stop crying. This pregnancy seems to have gone from something great to something I can't see anything positive in and can't stop crying about.

My husband doesn't seem to know what to do. He's been ecstatic since day one and now seems to be at a loss - he's always there with a hug but apart form that has almost stopped talking to me, lest it should set me off crying again. All I can think is that he must hate me for not being happy about it.

I guess I have got a lot on my plate: I start a new job in two weeks, a big career move into an area I haven't worked in before - a lot of responsibility and what will probably be very long hours. I'd be really anxious if I was starting this job anyway, but I'm terrified I wont be able to cope and will let people down. I'll also be driving to work for the first time, through London, which is making me very nervous.

This is the first baby in a very large, complicated family - it's going to have three sets of grandparents, 9 aunts/uncles and about 15 great aunts and uncles, never mind cousins. I feel a huge amount of pressure knowing how excited they're all going to be and how they're all going to want to be involved at every stage. My father in law has always excelled at making me feel inadequate and this is just another thing he can use to needle me. I've been putting off telling them for as long as possible, but that's not making my husband happy, as he wants to shout it from the rooftops.

My mum hasn't exactly been great since I told her I was pregnant. We've never had a great relationship and all she's done over the past couple of months is tell me what a doddle she found pregnancy/birth/parenthood, and contradict or disagree with anything I say.

Our house is very small, but we can't afford to move, and we don't really have room for a baby, and definitely no room for visitors to come and stay once it arrives, despite the fact I know that my husbands entire family will probably turn up on the doorstep unannounced the day I come home from hospital.

Because I'm changing jobs mid-pregnancy I'm only going to get the minimum maternity allowance, which won't cover our bills and will mean us going into debt if I take an extended maternity leave. Because of this I'm going to have to work up until the day I give birth, take the compulsory two weeks as holiday and then pretty much return straight to work. I'm wondering what's the point in having a baby if the only time I get to spend with it is when it's in the back of the car being ferried to and from childcare.

At the moment I can't see any positives in this pregnancy. I feel so guilty and selfish - so many people are desperate for a baby and here's me wishing I could wake up and find out it was all a dream.

I just don't know what to do.

[JasHook]

Hello Anifersgirl

I feel for you, as I have ante-natal depression and also have days where it is very hard to see the positives in pregnancy.

I also feel the guilt in not being able to be as happy as the rest of my family.

I'm sorry that I don't have any concrete solutions to offer you for your situation, but just wanted to give you my support - you are not alone in feeling this way. Chin up if you can.

[Anifersgirl]

Thank you so much JasHook - just knowing I'm not alone really does help.
xx

[JasHook]

You're most welcome

I know it's an old thread, but reading some of the posts here may help too.

It's much more comon than most people think.