Please could someone give me a kick up the backside to just get on with it, but let me have a good whinge first...

[Weegle]

I'm 19 wks with id twins. I already have a 3 yr old DS.

I feel so down about this pregnancy. I have a rheumatic disease which is exacerbated by pregnancy - I am in agony in the 3 pelvic joints due to this, and despite one set of steroid injections so far (usually performed under general, I had them wide awake), localised anaesthetic patches, and paracetamol to the max - it flipping hurts.

I'm using crutches and wheelchair and have been told I will be until the end. I also had/have horrific sickness - it's now more manageable but I'm still on meds for that. I can't sleep - I'm getting about 3 hours sleep a night, but I'm so flipping tired I don't understand why I'm not sleeping.

But what is REALLY getting me down is I have, no joking, somewhere in the region of SIX hospital appointments per week. I have the pain clinic (they keep me sane and are doing a balancing act of my needs vs. babies), accupuncture (which gives a day of some relief from pain), obstetric physio, regular physio (they are dealing with different 'bits'), and then fortnightly scans and obstetricians appointments. On top of that I have been getting palpitations so have now had extra appointments for ECG's and now been referred to a cardiologist.

My hospital where all these appointments are is 40 minutes away, being rebuilt so there is a massive parking problem so I have to leave an extra 40 min or so just to find parking. Also been referred up to London for a specialised cardiac scan of the babies - nothing to do with my heart problem but apparently routine with monochorionic twins. I'm worried about the babies - the constant referring to high risk and TTTS is scaring me witless. I'm worried about me.

Our house is being renovated and won't be finished by the birth so we'll be moving out in to rented as well.

I know this is just how it's going to be but how can I get my head in to a positive frame of mind about this? If they make it to 36 weeks (which is what we're all hoping for) that means I've got another 17 weeks of this to go... I'm missing seeing friends, so feel isolated as well. And poor DS is barely seeing me at a time it would be nice to be spending more time together. I also feel really alone because no one can relate to my situation - it's so unique (my disability plus the id twins), even the consultants are having to question each other all the time, and that scares me.

If anyone has made reading this far, please give me some words of encouragement as to how to get on with it!

[Paolosgirl]

I came on prepared to give you a virtual kick up the backside, but it would be like kicking Bambi! You poor thing - what a time of it you're having. Hopefully someone more qualified will come along soon and offer better advice, but all I can say (and I know it's nowhere need what you need) is that it won't last forever, and just try and take it easy. Can you friends come and see you more? Are you able to take taxis to the hospital, or get patient transport? Perhaps your GP or social services could give you more advice or help?

Crikey, I'm sorry, thats just not helpful it is? . Just wanted to let you know I really sympathise and if I knew you in RL would be able to do more. I hope things get better for you.

[FairySparkles]

OMFG poor you!! You really have got it rough lovie

Obviously can't relate to your specific problems but I am suffering from bad SPD in pregnancy and on crutches chasing around after my 19 month old dd; so have a very small idea of some of your problems!

Only advice I'm afraid is going to be a bit hippy'ish; but do you believe in guardian angels?? If so then ask them to help you in any way they can - when your laid in bed and you can't sleep ask them to help you fall asleep...ask them for anything, the more you believe it works the more it actually does!

.....that sounds really bloody lame I know but give it a go - you've got nothing to lose eh?! And well done you for being such a strong person, before you know it the twins will be 18 and you'll be moaning at them for giving you lip
and on the plus side you've already made it past half way!

[lilysam]

Ahhh, bless you. No real words of advice as I couldn't begin to imagine....I'm moaning cos at 7 weeks i've got really crap morning sickness so will now give myself a kick up the bum!!

I think with what you've got going on most people would be feeling a bit down and a bit worried.

Do you not have anyone to give you a hand, or even take you to some hospital appointments for a bit of company and support, or throw you out at front door while they park?

Have you tried any relaxation techniques for the insomnia. Not sure if reflexology or specialist aromatherapies might work to make you feel better and sleep better?

At least the drs sound like they are taking brilliant care of you......and one day it will be over and you'll have your babies.

I'm sure others will come on with more practical advice. Take care xxx

[Weegle]

thank you both. The thing is sympathy makes me cry! I don't feel strong at all I feel a hormonal tired wreck. I want to buck my ideas up and just get a grip and deal with it. I feel if I let myself get any further down about it then I'm going to end up seriously depressed.

Some friends have been wonderful, but TBH I just get on with it. Most don't have a clue. And I would feel like a right whinger if I said anything. My 'baby' friends from DS have taken over minding DS for two appts next week meaning I can see them all inbetween the appts for lunch, so people are being helpful but I feel terrible asking for help to have a social life! But I feel cut off. And of course with it being the summer hols it's been harder anyway.

I hadn't thought of hospital transport - that would solve the parking prob because if the worst came to the worst they could drive round the block! How do you qualify for that? Do I just ask my GP? I think taxis would cripple us because of the distance and frequency.

FairySparkles - not sure about guardian angels, but I do believe in positive thinking - just failing at it somewhat, and can't work out how to get that back on track.

[Weegle]

lilysam thank you. I don't really have anyone to take me to the hospital appts. DH comes to the more 'serious' ones, but even with those we feel he's taking so long off work.

I used to be really good at relaxing myself to sleep but I just can't get over the pain enough to do so. And of course that just means my head spins in to all the things I'm worried about! The accupuncture days are the best for that, she's fab.

I certainly can't fault the care I'm getting. Every nurse, consultant, sonographer etc that I come in to contact with has been wonderful, caring, sympathetic and supportive - but I just feel like I'm such an oddity . And sympathy is lovely (I'm not complaining) but it doesn't actually get me through what I'm having to cope with... it just makes me cry! and so then I look stupid!

[FairySparkles]

I know, I'm quite airy fairy (hence the name) but I can't reccomend it enough! My mother thinks I'm a raving looney but she lies awake for hours with slipped disks in her back - I told her the same thing and she said she slept like a baby!
Also, you can take codeine in pregnancy (obviously consult your doctor first - I'm no proffessional, but I'm allowed to take it for my SPD?).... drop of lavender oil on your pillow too

[Weegle]

I was taking co-codamol until yesterday but the Consultant at the pain clinic said it was time to stop because taking it that regularly could cause a problem for the babies. He said, fine if desperate as a one off, but not regularly.

Yes I do the lavender oil - makes me feel I'm doing something. Even if DH goes 'gah, it smells like a perfumery in here'

[daffodilli]

Sympathy when your feeling crappy can be harder to deal with than a kick up the backside sometimes, I know I always respond better to 'firmer handling' .

So on a practical level re transport your GP should be able to give you the number of the hospital transport system, will propbably be an ambulance, or they may even ring for you. I work in a doctors surgery and this is what we do.

Maybe the money you'd save on petrol/taxi etc could be put towards another accupuncture session?

I had hyperemesis and now have SPD, when I feel teary I just take a few deep breaths, sigh out quite forcefully (looks a little silly!) and shrug, both mentally and physically - seems to work quite well as you know deep down its not forever and will be so worth it.

Will add ((hugs)) as well x x best of luck

[Paolosgirl]

I'm not really sure how you find out about patient transport - perhaps your health board could advise, or your GP? I also wonder if you would qualify for a disable parking badge - no idea how these things work, but that might help. I'd also give social services a call and see if you qualify for any assistance.

I know you don't want sympathy, but I think anyone in your shoes would be getting overwhelmed with it all.

[Weegle]

thank you - will ring the surgery next week - I'm going away for a long weekend tonight.

I have a blue badge (thank goodness! both because I get the parking free and at least there's MORE chance of spaces) but even the disabled spaces are always full and rarely can find one next to the bit of the hospital I need to be in which means a very long and painful crutch hobble to wherever I need to be.

[Paolosgirl]

Hopefully you'll get somewhere with patient transport, and in the meantime have a good long weekend - you certainly deserve it!