Three children?

[RUNFORLOVE]

Hello

I really want another baby, I have dd6 and dd3.

I've wanted another for the last year and joined, college, ran marathon plus other things to help keep my mind of it and other issues.

Dh has agreed to finally have another but last night started to change his mind and wants to wait until Jan but if it happened before then he would be ok.

He is just starting to question if a third would make our life harder?

Of course babies are hard and we will have to go through the whole sleep deprivation and teething hell but I just look forward to all the lovely bits

I think I have a good gap and dd6 will be like a little helper. What do you think?

My friends think I'm mad and that I should wait another year or so when my 3 year old starts school and I should enjoy that time to myself for awhile.

But I dont want teh third child to be so disconnected from the first two. The age gap will be much bigger than their 3 year gap.

Is it really hard going from 2-3?

[thisisyesterday]

i think if you really want one, and if you've waited a year and STILL want one you should just go ahead and have it. now.
go on

[RUNFORLOVE]

[BigusBumus]

We've got 2 DSs aged 6 from previous marriages (one each) and a DS who is 2.5. The only things that makes life harder with 3 as far as i can tell, is getting 3 car seats accross the back of your car and holidays.

Three kids much much more expensive regarding holidays re more rooms required etc, but we've solved that one by going on fab Keycamp holidays to France in a 3 bedroom luxury mobile home thing. Not terribly sophisticated, and not really our cup of tea, but its a great holiday for kids!

[RUNFORLOVE]

I'm one of five and we were all just squashed in the car but obviously not allowed these days.

I would have to sit between two seats in the back anyway as my oldest gets car sick driving around the corner so she always sits in the front.

The camping holidays are our thing so this is looking good so far

[Littledawley]

You might find this thread interesting.

I would say a big fat NO but my third is only 8 weeks old. Obviously it's early days and I do love baby but I wish we had stuck with 2.

Just think carefully about what you deem to be quality of life - eating out, holidays, cars, finding someone willing to look after 3 for you - all become more difficult. Many people will say they are selfish reasons but, for me, they were important.

[QueenFee]

My 3rd is due in 8 weeks so I will let you know
I had 2 year gap first time round and 3 years this time and so far pregnancy wise the 3 year gap is working great for me.

I am a big believer that if you really want one you will never really regret it(we all have moments when we wish we had never had them don't we?)

We have always hired a cottage in the uk for holidays so shouldn't make any difference. The car has proved a bit of a problem but if necessary I could sell it and buy and older 7 seater for more space without spending any more money.

Good Luck. I have really enjoyed being pregnant this time round - It's lovely involving the older ones especially my nearly 5 yr old.

[rachaelsara]

I love having four. Holidays are expensive and tricky, but loads of fun (we've just bought a tent through ebay). Meals out involve no pudding and only one drink each and the washing never ever ends. I wouldn't change it for the world!

[rachaelsara]

Btw, my gaps are 17 months, then four years then two years, all girls!

[RUNFORLOVE]

i'm one of five, four girls and one boy.

the boy was the fourth and when my mum was pregnant the fifth time we prayed it would be a girl and it was... my brother was so naughty

from age 6 onwards he turned into a lovely boy but pre 6 he was like the omen's damon!

so i would be more than happy to have a third girl, boy or girl... a baby would do

thanks for all your honest comments.

littledawley, 5 weeks after my 2nd dd was born i remember calling my friend asking her why i wanted 2nd, and why didnt she stop me? my dd had reflux and was a nightmare until she was 14 months old... now she is an angel. so i know those first few months are so tough and you cant see beyond them.

i really regret not enjoying the first few months of my 2nd dd's life. i found it hard with her reflux, she never looked settled or content and it made me feel like a failure. with dd1 i was on cloud 9 most of the time, she was such an easy baby and i thought i was a natural.

i hope next time, the baby will not have reflux or if they do then i will prepare myself and know its only a phase.

[dannyg]

I have a 12yr old ds & a almost 2 yr old ds, i am expecting a 3rd in July which should be a girl, i am not faised by having 3, i am the youngest of 3 myself, i think if its what you really want & have thought about it go for it. x x

[Northernlurker]

I liked going from 2 to 3 - it feels like a family now! we didn't find the baby stuff too hard actually and we had a bigger gap than you but the toddler stuff has been interesting, lovely but definately interesting!!

[RUNFORLOVE]

Thanks!

A few of my friends are about to go from 2-3 so I am watching closely.

My friends who have three had them really close together and its not definitely what i would want.

I have a three year gap between the first two and i would not have wanted any less than that.

i Just really want my partner to want a baby just as much as me, i feel like I am trying to persuade him and its not how i want it to be done.

With our second, he was really excited about trying and so when my horrendous sickness kicked in he was so supportive.

[RUNFORLOVE]

any more mums of three around?

[mel1981]

im bout to have no 3 (due in 3 wks) so can let you know then. my eldest is 5 and DS2 is 2 so they are quite close together which is what we wanted.
I really cant wait and am so looking foward to it all. But still worry bout a few things like car seats, getting about (as not getting double buggy) etc. But just hoping it will all fall in place.-fingers crossed! LOL

[liahgen]

I had 2 children with exH. When I met my lovely much better version now dh, they were 4 and 7. By the time we had ds, they were 8 and almost 6.

Now, (if you're still reading, ) ds1 is 11 and half and ds2 is 5 and half and they are great friends, they play lego, armies, and cars for hours. Ds2 has just started hip hop dance class cos ds1 does it.

Mind you we did go on to have dc's 4 and 5 after that, and are ttc#6. It can get a bit addictive you know.

Hope it works out for you, my dh changed his mind for a bit late last year but i was so devestated, we did proper talking and hopefully we'll be preggers soon.

[RUNFORLOVE]

love it

i've been on mumsnet since 2002 under various names.

just read about my other pregnancies and about how much I wanted dd2, the feelings i had etc...

it was so lovely to read it and all the worries i have now are the worries i had then and they all worked out fine.

i know it will work because i want it to.

we'll see... i could even be now as we have been using the withdrawl method all over my ovulation period, happens to many people.

[jennifersofia]

We have dd8, dd6, and dd1,and we love it! The older two have a strong bond together, and they both really love their little sister. Having the baby has changed the dynamic between the older two, but in a good way - it kind of breaks up the squabbling, if you know what I mean. For us, the age gap has worked really well, I am glad that we waited before we had our third.
One thing I have been glad of is the fact that the older two are in school full time, because this means that I have some time to give 100% attention to the baby. I feel like I have really been able to enjoy her, and not feel guilty about 'ignoring' the other two. They are left to get on with things on their own a bit, for instance, when I bathe the baby, they are just downstairs in the living room (or wherever) amusing themselves for 1/2 an hour. I was initially worried about it, but it is fine. In fact, I think giving them a chance to be a bit more independent has been good for them. It is very helpful that they are both somewhat 'functional' - e.g. dressing themselves, able to get their own bookbags, etc.
The bits that are difficult - getting out the door can take a bit longer (!), sometimes I do feel like I am 'herding' a bit, it can get a bit loud and chaotic sometimes, I do worry about being able to afford to visit my parents (who live abroad) - basically though, I recommend it!

[notimefortv]

I have 3 under 5 (baby 6 mos) and was really anxious towards the end of my last pg about having 3 but I LOVE it. DC3 is my angel baby, which I very much deserve after my other 2 very adorable but very energetic monkey's! I can now honestly say I love the baby stage and every stage as I can just enjoy the baby for what/who she is and not be stressed with all the details.

The biggest thing I think is that my lifestyle has not changed at all - I am already geared up for children so number 3 slots in nicely and she is lovely to have around. 3 under 5 is hard work and we have good days and bad I can honestly say that having number 3 has been the best thing ever. I would say to anyone with 2 - go for number 3, it's just lovely. Saying that, we only have a 2 bedroomed house so baby in with us and not quite sure what we're gonna do about sleeping arrangements but will deal with that later!

I don't think anything can match the jump from none to 1, man, that was a shock to my system!

Good luck

[missismac]

Have to agree with northernlurker; 3 felt like a family. Of course it's hard work because kids always are, but 3 is luuurverly. I found no problems with holidays, cars or babysitters (mind, haven't often had one - but still). If your heart says 3 - go for it. 4, now that's tricky!

[RUNFORLOVE]

I loved reading these messages

I'm so excited at the thought of having another little baby, my partner said that three will def be the max! He said he knows I will be feeling like this a few years after the third but i can forget it!

jennifersofia - i especially like the bit about your third breaking up the squabbling between the two older girls.

I have two girls and can really imagine having a third girl, i would be happy with a boy or a girl but I guess I cant imagine a boy because i only know girls.

I reckon my dh is going to give in and start trying in a few months. I explained all the reasons why a spring baby is so good i can see he has softened.

i just want him to feel as excited as me and then i will be happy to go for it, i really dont want to pressure him into it.

[scarlotti]

I'm expecting no 3. We have dd14 and ds3, dd was from a previous relationship although dh thinks of her as his own. We had always planned on 2 more once we decided to ttc as I didn't want the 2nd being left alone when dd leaves for uni or whatever.

It took me a long time to convince dh to still go for no. 3 - having ds was harder than he'd realised and so he wasn't keen. When we decided to go for it, we then lost 2 babies, 1 at 5wks and another at 10 wks.

Dh is excited (am now 15 weeks) but all the time we were ttc he was never excited by it, certainly not like with ds. I think the reality of life with 3 can take the sparkle out of ttc, in that you know exactly what you're going to get - a spell of hard work and not much sleep!

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you might not get the huge excitement from him whilst ttc, but once you are pg then the excitement starts to come. By then, baby is on the way so 3 has become a reality iyswim.
Good luck

[Sersi]

It has been great to read these messages. I have 2 DS's ages 6&4 and have just fallen unexpectedly pregnant my first month on the mini pill
My 2 DS's are the best of friends and only 20 months apart. I did't want another baby and am worried that a 3rd will have a negative effect on the balance of the family. They will be 7 & 5 when jnr comes along so I worry that: the new baby will always feel a bit left out. My middle boy will get jealous (he has tendencies that way) of both us (his parents) and his big brother (who's adores babies).

However, I am heartened by these messages. Especially yours jennifersofia as you seem to have a similar situation to what I will have.

After the massive shock (still can't believe it) we are definitely warming to the idea - just hoping 3's not a crowd.

[devotion]

Sersi - you have a great gap!

You will have time alone to feel like a first time mummy and not worry about your middle getting jealous because he'll be at school then when he returns you can give him more attention.

Plus my friends son was very jealous and got upset if my friend held my dd's hand so was worried when she was pregnant but when baby came he adored her and understood she was a baby. he liked the fact he was older etc.

Congratulations!!!!!!!!

[Sersi]

thanks devotion - I'm sure you will be right (only natural to worry). I'm feeling pretty good at the moment, MN definitely helps - everyone is always so positive.