breaking the news

[oceanjo]

I am unexpectedly pregnant at 41 with 4 older children. I am excited but very worried about telling my best friend who has tried everyhing and is still trying to have a baby and is not in a great place. Any advice ??

[EnterStageLeft]

I understand email to be the best option as it gives them the opportunity to have their initial reactionin private and to contact you in their own time with a smile firmly plastered to their face.

Congrats.

[June2009]

A close friend&relative of mine cannot conceive and we told her at the same time we told dh's dad and siblings, so she wouldn't hear it from someone else. Her mum was there too which I think was a good thing for her.
She genuinely seemed very happy for us.

I think maybe over the phone is a good idea too so that they can react on their own.
I know my friend would have been totally offended if I told her by email, only because we never email eachother and it's just not her type of thing.
It really depends on your relationship with her.

[bananapaddlepop]

I've been having a hard time getting pregnant and recently had a miscarriage and I'm really suffering mentally while lots of my friends have new babies or are newly pregnant. One of our best friends, newly pregnant, so her DH told DH and then my DH told me so I could have a good old sob about it, recover in my own time and then give them our congratulations. It was the best way for me.

[pavlovthepregnantcat]

I told my bf face to face, one of the first people I told, to ensure no-one else told her first.

She was at first a little 'oh right, again' for about half hour which I expected, then in time she was pleased, and now, as she has had time on her own to deal with it, she is as supportive as she was first time round. She is a star, and I knew it would be hard for her to hear, as she is one of my closest friends, I had to just deal with the difficult moment. Friendship is not always all singing and dancing, some things just cannot be avoided.

[flowerybeanbag]

When I was in this situation I telephoned my friend, told her then ended the conversation fairly quickly so that she could go and react in private. I think that was appreciated.

[Patchybob]

Hi
I have a couple of close friends who can't conceive and I sent them both emails early on before we told any of our other friends, explaining that I was emailing to give them time to digest the information and hoped that I had done the right thing. Both of them have thanked me for telling them early on and also for doing it by email to spare them having to react in front of me. Hope it goes well for you

[monkeybumsmum]

First of all oceanjo, congratulations! I hope the pregnancy goes smoothly for you.

I had two miscarriages last year, and when a good friend called after that to tell me that she was pregnant I felt like I'd been punched and all the wind taken out of me. It was impossible for me to react to her wonderful news as I should have done. I still feel bad about that now, and her baby is due in a few weeks. I wish that she'd have emailed, because although it's more impersonal, it would've given me time to be able to react the way I wish I had.

Hope that helps x

[PinkTulips]

a good friend of mine can't have more kids so when i got preg with ds2 i had dp tell her dp first (they're mates too) and he told her... that way she didn't have to hide her initial reaction from me.

[pavlovthepregnantcat]

It is definitely a personal thing to the individual being told though, as my bf preferred that I told her face to face, as it meant I had considered her. She had a text saying another friend was pg, and felt let down that she heard it like this. She told me she appreciated me telling her like I did, not ignoring the awkwardness. But, some people clearly do prefer being given the space to handle it how they feel they need to, as people have said here.