30 weeks pregnant + a becoming difficult 3yr old = wondering how I'll get through the next 10 weeks

[daisy5]

My dd used to be excitable but also had a very calm side too. As she got older I found I could get things done around the house while she preoccupied herself and mix that up with time spent together playing. However, in the past 3-4 weeks she has gradually become a nightmare: demanding, screaming, saying 'no' to everything, wants something then doesn't want it, has become quite 'rough' grabbing my hair, prodding my with her elbows and kicking and generally behaving quite erratically. She used to sit and play with something for a reasonable time, but now she hurls a game on the floor and then abandons it minutes later. She starts jigsaws, puts five pieces together and then deserts it. She shouts and pushes and cries at the drop of a hat.

I get a splintering headache within minutes of being around her and it lasts most of the day.

I really have no idea of I am going to get through the next few months. I had been telling everyone what a great age she was at, and how I wasn't worried about a second one coming along, but now I am starting to get quite alarmed. I am exhausted and not getting rest. She is at nursery three mornings a week which used to be a good mix with her time at home, but that time with other kids is making no difference.

Anyone have experience of a similar situation?

[CoteDAzur]

I'm 31 weeks and DD is 3.7.

Her behaviour changed in the last couple of weeks. She is all over me now. Daddy is no good, it's all about mummy. I think she is claiming her territory wrt new baby.

I try to spend some time with her in the day when I do nothing else, just play/sing/paint whatever with her. That seems to satisfy her anxiety re new baby.

It sounds like your DD is also reacting to your pregnancy. In a different way to mine.

[citybranch]

I have a similar problem with my DS age 2.3, I am 31 weeks pg.

In the past couple of weeks he has become very aggressive, even over simple things like getting dressed in the mornings. DH and I have had toys thrown in our faces and glasses smashed etc. I'm shocked at the change in my little boy! Then the rest of the time he is very clingy to both of us. E.g. we both have to go and tuck him in now, and if one of us is in the shower he stands crying outside the door! It is very demanding, I also feel I'm not getting the rest I need and i am getting increasingly worried about what will happen when the new baby arrives.
As my DS is only 2.3 I'm not sure if it is his fear of the new baby...I'm not sure how aware he is.
I'm hoping its just toddler behaviour and it will pass...

[soon2befamilyof4]

My daughter is 15 months so completly different developmental wise but she has been a big pain in the bum! She is throwing tantrums all the time, not sleeping either in the day or at nights, wants to be carried everywhere etc. I was panicking weeks ago about how I was going to get through the rest of the pregnancy and it was actually really getting me down.

BUT I am now 36 weeks and finding time is flying by (hoping I am not speaking too soon) and I am now panicking I won't have everything ready on time for the new baby! Her being such a PITA actually made the pregnancy go really fast and I am now just worried about after the birth!

[phdlife]

ds is a bit younger than your dd - he was 22m when I was 30 weeks (38+5 now) and yep, he got really fractious.

agree with Cote, think he was claiming his territory. He still tries, every night, to go to sleep in my lap!

I found LOTS of cuddles and verbal reassurance - this baby's going to love you, mama and dadda always going to love you so much, reminding him everyone else who loved him, reminding him of fun we'd had during the day - he's a bit more settled now and is quite interested in the capsule, cot and baby bath that have appeared.

I did see one MNer say her dd simply transferred attention to the dh, since mummy was clearly distracted (reassuring thought!) But I fully expect to be wrecked for at least the next six months...

[CoteDAzur]

One more thing I find helped:

DD is understandably interested in my tummy and the baby inside. So I dug out photos of when I was pregnant with her, her baby photos sleeping in my arms, etc. She loves to talk about how she was so little that she was in mummy's tummy, then she came out but was still little and had no teeth, and was crying so mummy was hugging her and kissing her and she was sleeping in mummy's arms. But now she is a big girl. Etc etc etc.

The story always ends with how much mummy loves her. It seems to reassure her about new baby.

[christiana]

Message withdrawn

[daisy5]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts.

At first I thought it was because dp and I were arguing quite strongly over something a few weeks back. Then I was getting dizzy spells and feeling poorly, and thought it might be that I was just finding everything harder....but I have started to wonder if it is a reaction to my 'bump'..... but I didn't really expect that kind of behaviour to start until I had actually had the baby and she felt a bit excluded.

[NotSoRampantRabbit]

I'm 30 weeks and DS is 3.9. I have been using books to help him talk about life when the baby arrives. I've found them to be really useful in getting him to articulate anxieties (plus they give the added bonus of focussed cuddly time with me). Libraries have lots of them - they might help.

I am fairly sure that their feelings about a new baby start long before the arrival. We have had a bit of toilet training regression and excessive amounts of "I love you mummy" etc.

[mersmam]

I am also feeling at the end of my tether at times... I'm 34 weeks pregnant and am currently trapped at home as dd1 (4) and ds(2) have chickenpox. Also have dd2 (3) who is pretty much like the 3 year old you describe Daisy5!

I do think that three year old have 'dips' in behaviour for no apparent reason, it's too easy to attribute it to the baby coming when more than likely she would be like that anyway! It is definitely harder to cope with though when you are heavily pregnant and very tired yourself...

Things do get easier... I found life much easier once dd1 started school and we had a good routine every day (which is why I'm finding it such a nightmare whilst she is off with the pox!!)

[mersmam]

Wanted to add that I've always found life with the toddler EASIER after the baby is born than just before, you'll have more energy then and will have lots of time to spend sitting and talking to your DD while you're feeding the baby. It might be a good idea to get her a little baby doll and pushchair to have as 'her baby' and give it to her when the baby is born... although if you are breasfeeding don't be surprised when your dd lifts up her top to start feeding her baby doll in the middle of the park (I've been there )

[christiana]

Message withdrawn

[christiana]

Message withdrawn

[daisy5]

Tee hee - 5 under 78 christiana

[CoteDAzur]

4 under 4

[mersmam]

I have four under 5 (including bump!) When the Bump is born I'll have dd1 (4), dd2 (3), ds (2) and baby... dd1 is 5 at the end of May though and I'm sure things will start to get easy after that

[lilymolly]

god wait until you are 42 weeks with a 3 year old!!!!!!!!

Sorry that does not help....

I find going to play group every morning, or soft play, or grandmas, or just walking the dogs park etc etc etc

Basically GET OUT OF THE HOUSE

Give them lots of cuddles, reassurance, and loves and even afternoon naps with her in my bed

I am getting induced on Monday, and am starting to get worried about coping with a enwborn and a 3 year old, but dd starts nursery after Easter for 3 hours on an afternoon, so I will have some peace

HTH Chin up x

And 4 under 4 ARE YOU ALL MAD

[christiana]

Message withdrawn

[mogwai]

I'm 29 weeks and have a daughter of 3.8 and were beginning to have similar problems to the ones you describe.

We have found reward charts work wonders.

We identify what the problem behaviour is first - recently we've had "whingeing" and "arguing" and "waking up too early".

Every week we draw something that can have seven elements, for example, a bus with seven windows or an umbrella with seven segments. At the moment we have a jellyfish with seven tentacles.

Every day she doesn't whinge she gets to put a star on the chart, then she gets her reward.

We have had up to three charts running at the same time.

I usually buy some treats when I go shopping (provided she's not with me). Simple stuff like a pack of stickers or a pet for the littlest pet shop - she seems happy with those and it doesn't cost much (and it's well worth it).

We also have a "swimming chart" to encourage her to swim further. If she does four lengths then she gets a sticker (currently the chart is a house split into four segments!). We give her a bigger treat for filling up that chart because it takes a month to complete!

[daisy5]

Thankfully, she has been much calmer over the weekend. I am hoping that her behaviour was partly down to the excitement leading up to her birthday and afterwards.

She still however says she 'doesn't like the baby' and tells me she loves me a lot and last night got very upset because I wouldn't let her sleep in my bed...hmmm.

christiana - it sounds like you are really suffering. Well done you for managing to get her out of the house - even if she was half dressed.

cote - hi, hope all going well for you. I did go through her baby book, showing her the pictures of me pregnant and then her as a baby, but she didn't really register the comparison. I might try it a few more times and explain more thoroughly - thanks.

[daisy5]

oh and thanks mogwai. tbh I have not had much success with rewards as she is a bit of a 'now' girl and doesn't really get the 'delayed reward' concept. But probably a good time to work on it, as a little bit of patience and comprehension of time frames might not be a bad idea.