Smoking

[Sky2008]

Okay, I have named-changed for this as obviously I am not proud of myself. I am not looking for criticism (unless you think I need it!), just constructive advice and comments.

Basically I have been a heavy smoker for 15 years (up to 15 a day, 10 times that if drinking). When we started trying for a baby almost a year ago, I gave up completely for 2 months and found this easy as I was so excited about things to come. When nothing happened, I lapsed and despite trying every method under the sun and stopping and starting again more times than I can remember, I was back to smoking 15 a day when I found out I was pregnant a couple of months ago.

As soon as I found out I stopped smoking, but I have found it so hard. Maybe because I still can't quite believe I am pregnant, and also we have been through some really tough times this year as a couple and with various other things, and I have lost my confidence and excitement about our future family. Anyway every week or 2 weeks I give in and have a cigarette (or a couple of cigarettes) and then throw the rest of the packet away so I will not be tempted. Usually it is because I have a big row with my partner or get very stressed about work or the various pressures of my day to day life.

I know this is not good for the baby but I cannot seem to motivate myself to think how dare I be so selfish etc and to stop myself having that one cigarette. I convince myself that actually one cigarette will not do much, especially seeing I eat an excellent diet, do not touch any alcohol etc. I remind myself of a girl I knew who smoked throughout her pregnancy because he doctor told her it was better than getting stressed, and think about the 70s when no-one knew smoking was bad for you and how a lot of babies seemed to turn out okay then. I am almost rewarding myself for not having smoked for so many days on the trot - and the relief is immense. I am just being honest and I wondered if anyone else had similar problems with smoking as I know my thinking is all wrong. However I just don't know how to change my attitude to deal with the constant cravings, all I think about most of the time is smoking, even after 3 days when the nicotine is out of your blood stream. I don't feel guilty afterwards as I convince myself that it was the last cigarette, however this has been going on for over 2 months now.

Perhaps when I have my scan in a couple of weeks it will start to seem real. I think maybe my personality comes in to it aswell, I am very "no nosense" and so the "one cigarette every week is hardly going to do any harm" thinking comes easily to me. I am not proud of myself and really would just like some help - alhough I have tried various giving up methods, and the "giving up" itself doesn't seem to be the problem, it is the sustaining it.

[LynetteScavo]

When you smoke, you deprive your baby of oxygen.

I'm not saying this to be horrid, but it's what stopped me smoking when pregnant.

I really hope you can sort out the issues you have with your partner before your baby is born.

[thenewme]

Just think of all the lovely baby things you could buy with the money. (the kindest way of saying you have to give up NOW)

[thisisyesterday]

well done for giving up! ok, well, mostly giving up,
you've cut down a huge amount so you ought to be proud of yourself for that.

as for how to stop the odd one here and there, i have never been in that situation so prob can't offer that much advice.

but have you tried distraction? set a task or something that you will do when you feel you need a cigarette.
ie, if I need a cigarette I will:
hoover the sitting room
clean the toilet
go for a walk
eat a bar of chocolate
brush my teeth

anything, as long as you are giving yourself something to do. if you leave it until the moment then you'll crave the cigarette so muchj you won't want to think of anything else.
but perhaps if you already have a distraction plan in mind then when you feel the urge you just make sure you go and do whatever alternative it is you have choxsen?

[jadey24]

I managed to give up smoking when i was 2 months pregnant but i understand it was really hard. Really really hard but everytime i thought about having one i would fell this horrible guilt about harming lo

But i managed it. Just think of lo everytime u think of having one and imagine the smoke going into them and them breathing it in ( this is what went through my head) it was enough to make me quit.

I am really slim and was expected to have a 6 pounder ( i thought too) dd was born 8lb 4oz and i often wonder if she was this size coz i gave up the fags and if she would of been smaller if i had carried on. She has no health problems.

Now im not just saying this to scare you its fact frm what i have seen with my own eyes (and people can say their lo turned out ok even tho they smoked but some dont) but i know a lot of family & friends who smoked well pregnant and all their lo has constant chest infections, coughs and astma and i wonder if this is coz their parents smoked and they had small birth weights too.

Now i know its hard coz ive been there done that & got t.shirt but even if you just give up till baby is born it gives them a good start. Think about it, its only 9 months. It does go quick believe me.

[mrsboogie]

The stress you are under is probably doing more harm to the pregnancy than the odd cigarette to be honest. Why don't you try to sort out the underlying causes of the stress (and therefore the smoking)? if its a relationship thing - maybe get a couple of counselling sessions with your OH? If its something else well, it is obviously affecting your relationship so maybe the counselling would help anyway.

Like I say a couple of cigs probably won't do any harm but if anything were to go wrong later (like if you developed pre-eclampsia or something) you would be left feeling guilty in case the smoking contributed. But the smoking isn't the problem is it? Its whatever is bothering you so much that you are seeking distraction in smoking.

[Sidge]

It's not true that smoking is better than being stressed; that's crap and doctors aren't supposed to tell women that anymore.

Smoking is bad for your baby - you know that already or you wouldn't have posted what you did!

Have a chat with your midwife, she can refer you on to a special antenatal stop smoking group. Many pregnant women can use nicotine replacement therapy, which whilst not ideal is safer than smoking.

If you are a no-nonsense person then I bet you have the willpower to stay stopped - just think of the benefits to you and your baby.

Good luck!

[jammydodger]

Read Alan Carr's book The Easy way to stop smoking. It helped me (worked for me) and loads of others I know. And he makes a point of sayng that it's not hard to give up smoking. Everyone always goes on about how hard it is, but that just perpetuates it - it really isn't a difficult thing to do.
Read the book and you'll understand and you WILL give up smoking!!!
(and I'm not on commission, honest!).
Good luck.

[dontsmokeanymore]

I smoked, through my pg, on and off. Obv name changed for this but I think Alan Carr is a patronising bastard. I'll leave you with a sobering thought that my baby was born at only 3lb something and had to spend 5 wks in SCBU.I bet you any money it's because I smoked and it's not worth the guilt. I don't want to scare you, just don't make the same mistakes I did

[treedelivery]

There are really really good antenatal smoking specialists that you can ring, will visit you, will teach you coping tricks, will teach you meditation and heaps of things to maintain the effort it takes not to smoke. They will sort you nicotine patches too [though it sounds like your through the physical addiction and now battling the real demon - habit and the emotional crutch]

Of course stress is bad for you and whats bad for you is bad for your preganacy - but loads of people have loads of stress. They are ultimatley healthier than the stressed ones who smoke!

It's one of the few 'controlable' things known to damage pregancy, placenta, and challenge the health of a newborn - even increase cot death/sudden infant death risk. And you will be your baby's angel role model - s/he will want to be just like you when grown up. Giving up smoking is the biggest pain in the arse so save baba the trouble by working on it now for both of you.

So take heart you have done an amazing job so far and will continue to suceed - you may need some support from the professionals just like most who stop all together, long term, for life. Well done for posting, maybe some others feeling the same will turn up and you can support each other as you reduce/cut down? Good Luck!!

[kd73]

I gave up in May last year with the help of Paul McKenna cd, I downloaded onto MP3 player and listened every morning and every night in bed as waking / going to sleep for 3 wks. I was convinced the man was a charlatan and frankly wanted to know the secret to a life of riches.

Paul taught me that a life of riches was gained by not running to the shop to buy cigarettes and frankly he appears to know what he was droning on about as I have had no desire to smoke since listening to him.

Finally, I would add that listen to Paul when alert and you will believe you have wasted your money!

Good luck

[wenceslasmyeducation]

I had always said that I would stop when I got pregnant. So I did. I was smoking a lot more than you as well. I haven't said to myself that I will never smoke, ever again, but that I have stopped for now. DS is 7months and I haven't touched one. Now and then I fancy a cig, but I imagine how crappy I would feel afterwards, and the risks I would be putting him at. Also I think about how bad smokers' skin gets as they get older! [vain]
Smoking does not relieve stress, all it relieves is the need for a cigarette. A massage would relieve stress, and you won't smell afterwards. Chocolate is also good!
How long til your scan? Having a stop date is often recommended, so how about telling yourself that after the scan, you'll stop? I put off testing a few days, even though I 'knew', so that I could stop after I'd finished a big report, and having a definite stop point helped me.

[B52s]

Honestly good luck in kicking those last few smokes. I smoked for 10 years (10-20 a day) and the only thing that helped me give up was the thought of getting pregnant. I quit 6 years before I got pregnant, and DS is a very healthy 2 year old. My friend smoked occasionally through her pregnancy, she had a low weight baby who always has a cold / ear infection - and he's 12 now. Please don't risk it - it's your baby's health. And your own.

[Paperclipcollector]

I smoked on and off throughout my pg. Not something I am particularly proud of, was under a great deal of stress at the time (for which I was receiving treatment. Everytime I had a ciggy, the guilt I felt was enormous, but it was just one more stress I felt I couldn't handle, and chose to ignore it and I continued smoking. I probably smoked around 5 a day.

My baby was 8lb 11oz when born, but was born 'grunting'. Was kept in the neo-natal unit for 3 days after birth, on two different types of anti-biotics. I still don't know to this day what caused this problem (The doctors were looking for infection - of which there was none) and I asked a Paediatrician if me smoking had caused this problem in my son. I was told 'no' but since the day he was born I have not touched a cigarette. To be honest, he has never had a problem with coughs,colds or infections, he is 3 now and I think since he's been born he has had 3 or 4 colds. It seems though that what happened was that I had the kick up the arse I needed. And I am going to stay off them. If I ever feel tempted I just remind myself that I could have very easily been responsible for making my baby ill.

Good luck - it is hard - but you'll get there

[Nekabu]

How about paying for a scan now? There must be private clinics that don't charge the earth for one and if that will make your pregnancy seem more 'real' and help you to stop then it might be worth the extra cost.

My friend's mum smoked the entire way through pregnancy with all 6 of her children, all of whom are quite small and all of whom have asthma (two to the degree that they have been hospitalised with it). The only other person I know whose mum smoked during pregnancy also has asthma. This is nowhere near the few ciggies that you're having but I would still be a bit worried.

[MsG]

Could you afford hypnotherapy or acupuncture? Might be worth looking into.

Good luck. xx

[littleboyblue]

I smoked lightly with ds (about 5-7 a day) he was born 6 days overdue, weighed 9lbs 10oz and doesn't have any probs with breathing or anything else.
I was probably just very lucky. I haven't posted this to encourage you to continue smoking, because of course you should do everything within your power to stop as soon as you can.

[littleboyblue]

Actually, that was a lie. I was smoking mre than 5-7 a day, maybe 10, that sounds closer to the truth.

[taliac]

My mum smoked while she was pg with all 3 of us children. Ditto my MIL.

We were all low birth weight babies, and DH and I are both on the weedy slight side.

Both my mum and MIl were surprised by the "healthy" (7lb) birth weight of my DDs, they expected them to be in line with how we were as babies.. DD1 looks like she will be a tall girl! A result considering she has two short arse parents.

We know much more now, enough to know that depriving a growing fetus of oxygen is not a good move.

[AmIWhatAndWhy]

Well I was a 20 a day smoker until pregnancy. There's no reason it would be easier to stop because you are pregnant. I found it really hard, and would make a tiny thin roll up and have just a drag of it. It was seriously hard, as I was beating myself up for smoking, but also needed to smoke. I very much understand about it not seeming real, but after my scan at 12 ish weeks I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

But worst is, I was back smoking after the birth. I really just wanted one, I wasn't that bothered about a drink, I needed to smoke though. And so it carried on. 3 years later I have maybe 3 roll ups a week, always when out. I'm not sure I'll ever call myself a non smoker.

[wideratthehips]

i was a smoker before ds1.i stopped

someone has said before...imagine someone cooing over your baby in their moses basket and blowing cigarette smoke into their face...acceptable?

just as you dont start varnishing your floorbopards because of fumes when pregnant you don't want toxic fumes directl;y into your babies blood stream

you will feel rotten when your holding that little baby and think about what you allowed to happen

okay its not the worst thing to do when pregnant but its not good.........

its about breaking the habits of WHen you smoke....after a meal/drinking etc

five years later i could murder a fag when pissed but i don't want to go back down that road...i don't want to stink when my children cuddle me and honestly you can't believe how awful it smells

[brettgirl2]

Giving up smoking is a simple relationship between wanting to smoke and not wanting to smoke. Personally in the end for me the damage I felt it was doing to me was enough to make me not want to smoke more than I wanted to if that makes sense. I am very surprised that you have not found that the force to not smoke is enormous during pregnancy, but also understand how hard it is if you are not ready. If it helps at all I found after about 2 weeks I needed a fag less often than when I was smoking and now I never think about it (3 years on). Therefore I don't buy the stuff about 'avoiding' the stress. Good luck, and I'm so glad I kicked it well in advance.

[littleboyblue]

Agree with wideratthehips, I definately felt more guity after ds was born than when I was pregnant. I kind of couldn't really associate pregnancy actually resulting in a baby iykwim.

[wenceslasmyeducation]

Get the Baby Zone on Discovery Health channel or whatever it's called. Very annoying American soppy fare, but lots and lots of babies and birth. I found that watching those kind of cheesy shows really helped me stop as it did make the connection between bump and baby for me and helped me imagine the tiny life I was growing inside me resulting in a little baby that I was responsible for.

[Kaz83]

I feel your pain. I am 9 weeks (i think) found out i was pg on holiday and found it really difficult to stop. I really enjoyed smoking. I have not had a fag now for two weeks and taking it a day at a time. I admit i have turned to my old friend chocolate to help me. Also my husband and close friend have given up with me which i am finding really helpful.
Good luck i know its not easy

[Hawkmoth]

I had one after I found out I was pg, to stop the shakes! Now I couldn't have one if I wanted too - sickness would be inevitable. OH has also given up which is a massive sacrifice for him as he's really really stressed out atm.

With my first I also gave up but had four in one afternoon when I was about eight months, stuck in the house alone with SPD and sick of being in agony all the time!

I only started again this March, after three years clean!